Life by turns continues to be depressing and good. Lately, sadly, depressing is still leading. I wanted to write something, even though the interesting thoughts in my head refuse to be made into a blog post, so I really don't have much interesting to say. So, I figured I'd put this little piece of randomness in a post, minimally edited. The ramblings of my mind as I sat in a car on a grey day in the parking lot of a plant nursery on my mother's Birthday. The sky was opressive, and the car smelled of tomato plants.
The glovebox is full of memories. I never even realized that until today. Depressed, bored, and trying to both distract and amuse myself, I open up the plastic door and start digging around inside. The first thing that catches my eye is Sackboy. He used to hang from a chain on my purse before the chain was broken or lost. I don't even remember which. I'd forgotten that Sackboy even existed. Next, I notice a bright flash of orange - a Kalahari wrist band that's been there since February, when we went to the UWWG. It was the first unschooling gathering we went to as a family (minus my dad). The barcode and phone number are wearing off. Memories keep coming as I pull other things out. The card from Uncle Gene's funeral, and the words on the back that made me cry when I first read them aloud in the car, a few monthes ago, as we drove home. "I have lived - God knows I have lived..." A parking slip from St. Annes. What a memory that is. I don't even emember why we were there. There's also a pile of yellow napkins, and a plastic bag filled with salt and pepper pckets, and plastic knives and forks, stolen from some long forgotten restaurant on the side of the highway. And a bill from an EconoLodge we never even ended up staying at...
I wonder how many words never written are tucked away in my brain, never to be found again... Hidden memories never to be recalled...
That's why I love gloveboxes.
Life is hard smetimes, especially when the way isn't clear, or when your happiness, which it almost always is, is dependant on others. I can't fix everything. I can't even change some things. And figuring out what is changeable and what isn't can be exceedingly difficult. But, I feel bad for complaining, and I really dont want to. I do know that things will get better. It's just hard waiting until it does.