Monday, June 1, 2009

Figuring out the problems in life...

More and more lately I've felt that there's a huge gap between where I am, and where I want to be in my life.

I love being around people, and I love being busy (or at least semi-busy), so I don't know how I ended up with such a quiet life. I guess because it happened gradually... Or maybe it's more accurate to say that I was simply happy being not that busy for a while... But that's no longer what I need or want. So then the issue becomes how can I make my life into what I want it to be? Starting new activities where there isn't anyone I know is incredibly difficult for me. It scares me. And not in the fairly normal apprehensive-about new-situations way, but in a terrified-chest-tightening-mild panic-attack-inducing way. New situations are only okay to me if I'm with someone I care about (either family or friend). So that makes things more difficult... But before I even get to that point, I need to figure out what it is I want to be doing. So I compiled a list of my interests the other day, and am going to see what I can do that involves those interests, and whether I can rope any friends or family into doing them with me!

Because of all that, I've been feeling really dissatisfied and frustrated lately. Add emotional stress to that (a breakup (we're still friends, but working on a friendship can still be difficult), someone I'm close too going through chemo (that's a big one)...) and things have been more then a little rough. But I'm okay. And I know that I'll find my way, I'm just not sure how long it's going to take me, or how difficult it's going to be...

I have lots of thoughts and ideas floating around in my head, and hopefully at least a few of them will make it into blog posts in the not too distant future!



  1. Stress can really suck sometimes! Especially of the emotional variety. I hope your heart is more at peace soon, and I look forward to your thoughts and ideas making it to blog posts!

  2. not that this helps, but i think this is something very familiar to just about everyone. and i think your approach is a great one. make the list of what you'd like to do, where you'd like to be, and perhaps some steps or ways to get there. its something i've done all my life-and i actually have been able to do pretty much everything that's been on my list. (also, it helps when i feel like im floundering a bit to know that im NOT floundering, i'm actually on step #3!)
    that being said, its not always easy- especially with emotional stuff going on. someone really close to me is going thru chemo right now as well, and its hard for me to put that aside most of the time. but i think this is when having a clear picture in your head of what you want, is even more important.

  3. Idzie,

    That is so much to be dealing with! Make sure that you put aside time to take care of you during all this. I understand the social anxiety, as I went through some rough patches with it too! It does get better...

    I believe with you that you are on the right path to finding your way. It never comes when we expect it, but you are headed in the right direction.

    Much love & peace to you as you journey!

  4. Thank you all for your kind words. I really appreciate it. :-)

  5. I know you'll find your way as well. Life can seem rather unkind at times, but it's those times that make us stronger in our resolve.

  6. *hugs* I would have commented earlier, but I wasn't online.

    I'm sorry to hear that things are a bit rough for you. Feel free to shoot me an email and we can chat sometime online or skype or phone or whatever if you just need to rant. I know life can be tough.

    Thinking of you!!!