More and more lately I've felt that there's a huge gap between where I am, and where I want to be in my life.
I love being around people, and I love being busy (or at least semi-busy), so I don't know how I ended up with such a quiet life. I guess because it happened gradually... Or maybe it's more accurate to say that I was simply happy being not that busy for a while... But that's no longer what I need or want. So then the issue becomes how can I make my life into what I want it to be? Starting new activities where there isn't anyone I know is incredibly difficult for me. It scares me. And not in the fairly normal apprehensive-about new-situations way, but in a terrified-chest-tightening-mild panic-attack-inducing way. New situations are only okay to me if I'm with someone I care about (either family or friend). So that makes things more difficult... But before I even get to that point, I need to figure out what it is I want to be doing. So I compiled a list of my interests the other day, and am going to see what I can do that involves those interests, and whether I can rope any friends or family into doing them with me!
Because of all that, I've been feeling really dissatisfied and frustrated lately. Add emotional stress to that (a breakup (we're still friends, but working on a friendship can still be difficult), someone I'm close too going through chemo (that's a big one)...) and things have been more then a little rough. But I'm okay. And I know that I'll find my way, I'm just not sure how long it's going to take me, or how difficult it's going to be...
I have lots of thoughts and ideas floating around in my head, and hopefully at least a few of them will make it into blog posts in the not too distant future!