Thursday, October 22, 2009

Thoughts, memories, emotions...

Today has been a bit strange, or at least the latter half of it has been. I'm swirling full of deep emotions, deep thoughts. Everything has seemed strangely full of meaning, and each new thing I saw while I was out before would start a new eddy of confused thoughts. And in case you were wondering, all of this was entirely without the use of illegal substances.

I started writing this while I was out before, sitting in the car while my mum went inside to buy something at a store, just looking around and thinking.

The rain-snow mix that has been falling off and on all day has paused for now, and the street that winds along the shoreline is covered in water. Warm yellow streetlights turn the puddles that litter the broken old pavement into tiny golden pools, that shimmer invitingly.

As we drew away in the car though, everything seemed to be less pretty than I'd first thought, the puddles on the street reflecting brief flashes of light, gold from the streetlamps, white-blue and red from car lights, cluttered and bright. The sidewalks looked worn out, and pipes and gravel were heaped on them where they're doing construction work.

I sat in gloom, brought on by me overreacting to being interrupted while I was writing (I hate being interrupted while I'm writing), until we arrived at the library, where I ran into a childhood friend whom I haven't seen in years. We talked for a while. She's 20, starting university soon, living on her own, and doing pretty good. When I said goodbye and we drove off, though, memories just kept spinning through my head. Us dancing through the streets barefoot in long skirts, pretending we were pioneers (I was absolutely obsessed with pioneers for quite a while when I was young), the tea parties we'd have, with the tea being made from various herbs we gathered from her mothers garden, thrown into random combination's that somehow always managed to be drinkable... I just couldn't help thinking how fast time passes.

So we drove in the dark, the streetlights making yellow blurs as we passed, a bus making a considerably larger blueish blur as it passed, looking strangely surreal... Talking with mom about old memories... While everything just kept going strangely surreal and full of meaning, sadness/happiness/loss/uncertainty/confusion/optimism. That's the best description I can give.

While I just tried to make sense of all the thoughts, all the emotions I couldn't fully grasp.

It's been a strange day, yet between those strange bits, it's also been utterly normal. I had many perfectly normal, everyday, thoughts and feelings, some perfectly normal conversations, and I came home and watched a perfectly normal show. There's just been this kind of overshadowing of deeper things...

Like I said, I'm in a strange mood tonight.

Peace,
Idzie

2 comments:

  1. Sometimes it is good to just sit tight with the funky mood. Often there is great wisdom and insight underneath. Could be the moon too? What do you think?

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  2. Maybe it's not exact but I still empathize with what you're feeling. One moment I'm normal, the next I find intense meaning or feeling in something, usually with what I do at the moment. Like I'm lying in bed, reading a book, and realize how beautiful it is to enjoy aspects of life.

    This other one happened in Wednesday. I was at work hearing a discussion on some computer program related to our business. It reminded me of school, since schools sometimes get you out of class for some presentation. Then I remembered the pointless requirements and punishments school also push. I felt like crying out of gratefulness. I'm not THERE ANYMORE.

    Now those moments are occasional, but they were more common last year, when I was more into drawing and painting. I would see the morning clouds and always admire its colours: red, orange, blue, gray, purple--so beautiful!

    I could ramble more but don't want to bore or write too much about myself. Plus, this family work has me doing things having me care less about this job. I could get in trouble for typing this comment.

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