I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write.

5 Ways to Help Someone LOVE Reading

2012-01-30T19:47:00.001-05:00

I've written about some ways to encourage a hatred of reading, but now I'm moving on to something different: ways to help someone LOVE reading! This is something that's close to my heart, as despite being a "late reader" (or perhaps because of it, as there's never been anything negative in my life associated with reading), I am a very avid one, and have been since first I cracked open a novel to read myself. So how did this happen? What things in my life (and things I've seen in others lives) have contributed to this deep love I have for the written word? Here are a few of the ways I think can help foster a love of reading...

My father loves reading, too.

1. Read aloud. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of my mother and sister and I curled up together with a good book. Long before I was was reading myself, and apparently even before I was born, my mother would read aloud. Thus, long before I could read myself, I loved listening to others do so. If you don't take much joy in reading aloud yourself, audio books are another great way to listen to the written word, either alone or together with your kids (or your parents!). They were a big favorite especially on road trips!

2. Go to the library. A lot. Ah, the library. Growing up, we'd make weekly trips there, spending hours between the isles, flipping through countless books and piling those we decided we wanted to bring home onto a table we'd claimed as our own (a table placed there for studying, but to us is seemed far more useful as a surface to cover with stacks of books). I remember how excited my sister was when she turned five and could get her own library card! She'd regularly max it out at 50 books, way more than her petite self could manage, leaving her mother and older sister to wobble out the doors with rows of bags filled with heavy books on their shoulders.

3. Talk about books and stories. Being able to share something with others almost always adds enjoyment to whatever it is you're doing, and reading is no different. I remember my mother commenting on multiple occasions that she didn't really get he point of requiring book reports, since she heard verbally all about whatever books me or my sister were reading! And we still do that: tell each other about the stories we're currently involved in, talk about characters and where the plot might be going and things we like or don't like about the writing style. Talking about books and stories is fun.

4. Build a home library I counted bookcases in our house once, and lost count in our very cluttered basement after number 16 (seriously, I'm not kidding). Science-fiction novels share shelf space with cookbooks, tarot reading manuals, books on the history of locomotives, horse breeds, and a huge variety of other subjects. I'm lucky to have grown up in a house were my parents had already been collecting books for years, and to have been a part of continuing that collection through going to new and used book stores, garage and library sales, asking for books for various holidays, etc. Not everyone has the space or money for as large a home library as we do (I'm not sure we have the space, either, to be honest, but we fit them in anyway), and regularly going to the library can serve almost as well. But having a home library, collecting books on various subjects, can create such a wonderful environment for reading.

5. Surround yourself/your kids with a variety of books. Check out a new section at the library, pick up a book at the neighbors yard-sale on a subject or in a genre that you've never read before. Bring home books you think your children might be interested in. Books lying around about all different things are exciting, and can be a wonderful introduction to new things, new worlds, new ideas.

These are just a few (very much overlapping) things that I truly believe can contribute to a love of reading. However, seeing as people are ultimately individuals with different passions, interests, and ways they enjoy spending their time, some people will grow up with all of these encouraging-a-love-of-books-things in their lives and just not be very into reading, while others will have none of this yet become voracious readers.

I'm sure I missed some good ones in my list, so please, comment! What are some other ways to help someone love reading?

Held Hostage by Small Metal Implements: a Guest Post by Kelly Hogaboom

2012-01-19T13:37:00.001-05:00

I'm delighted to present a guest post by my friend and all 'round awesome person Kelly Hogaboom! We've all experienced similar questioning and reactions from people as school-free learners, and I greatly enjoyed hearing Kelly's take on the experience of "being held hostage by small metal implements." I hope you'll enjoy it too!

Getting talked at, while pinned down.

Today, the dental hygienist: "Do you have the day off of school?"

My nine year old daughter Phoenix: "No. I don't do school."

Hygienist: "Oh... do you homeschool?"

Phoenix: "Yes."

Hygienist: "So it's just like school, but at home!"

Phoenix: "Not really. It's quite different."

If you delve into almost any alternative education blog (homeschooling, unschooling, life learning, or any other related variation) you'll soon find author(s) discussing the seemingly endless querying we practitioners receive. Strangers, family,and friends regularly ask us not only to explain why and how we do things differently, but to in fact justify our life choices in a way seldom required of compulsory education adherents. More surprising still, although I admit I shouldno longer be surprised, many of these questioners will listen very little before proceeding to tell us how education really works, regardless of our perhaps relevant experience. Confirmation bias runs rampant and deep: often in these outsider assessmentsof our family life, children who give the appearance of excelling (by their manners, displayed intelligence, or skill acumen) are often labeled as "exceptions"(or "smart" or "bright", etc); while children who display any different-ness or perceived social faux pas are taken as proof that such alternative methods Don't Work (and of course, yourarely hear the compulsory schooling model being blamed for the sum and summation in the reciprocal case of a schooled child with "behavior problems", etc).

This is familiar ground for any family who has, with confidence, been navigating the alternative education or life learning waters.

We're a life learning family; radical unschoolers, if you will. For us, this means our children do not go to school and are not required to perform curriculum at home. In other words, we do nothing approximating "school at home", unless the children wantto play a "school" game, which I'm just now realizing they haven't for some time. Our children are also not required to sleep at certain times or eat certain things (or forbidden others). They are not punished nor grounded when they make mistakes. Theyare not forced to do chores. They live with as much freedom as their father and I can afford them in safety, and any difficulties that come up are discussed as a family - and each voice has an equal say.

Obviously you can see this type of family model extends far beyond the scope of "education", although as many astute minds have pointed out, each of us is learning all the time, every waking (and possibly sleeping) moment. Family life ispart of our education, of course.

So look - some time ago I gave up trying to argue why I think this is one ideal and perfectly lovely way to raise children. I am at peace with our choices; we are learning every day. Like everyone, we make mistakes and (hopefully) grow fromthem. My children continue to thrive emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I'm hearing daily, in relative order, how "smart", "good", "cute", "well-behaved", etc. they are. And I guess those who have negative opinions are keeping them to, or amongst,themselves.

So yeah, I've got nothing to prove. I'd be happy most days to just go about my thing - and let other people do theirs.

But you know what? The number one question my children and I hear when out and about during daytime hours is, "You have a break from school?" And every time we get that question, in some form or another, these murky waters of JUSTIFY YOUR LIFE getstirred up.

We have options, of course, when asked this question. We can just say "Yes." We can say we "homeschool" and let people have their imaginations (this usually involves me being perceived as doing a Lot of Work to cram information into the children's otherwisethick, clay-like noggins). Sometimes I say we "unschool". That nearly always elicits an alarmed response. Sometimes I say, "My kids don't go to school," which is usually assumed as "homeschooling" - but also, occasionally, seriously rattles grownups.I have yet to meet someone who jumps to the correct conclusion: autodidacticism, but I know some day that will happen.

I should point out these are the reactions I get from adults; I notice other children seem to quickly understand what our life is about. These kids have, to a soul, enthused quite a bit about a new possibility. Some children have taken a requestto homeschool ("homeschool") back to their families; and a handful of these have reported on their parents' opinions of our lifestyle (probably not something those parents would be happy to know got back to us, because many times their opinions were expressedin a very Meany-Pants way).

I let my kids field the questions sometimes. As you can see from today's example, my daughter handled the hygienist's questions (and assumptions) quite well; but later in the day I stopped at a spa for $15 worth of a treatment I hadn't had in acouple years and within minutes, on the table, I was once again cornered. "Oh you homeschool... how fun. My sister in ______________ does it too. I know how much WORK it is. You know, kids don't just learn on their own..."

Ugh.

You know what lady? They actually do. They really do just "learn on their own", just like you and me - like regular people, almost!

No. Scratch that. "Uh-hmm," I say. Just please finish grooming those ferocious eyebrows of mine. Thank you.

It's not that I am shy about our lifestyle. I've accepted some people get upset if we mess with their worldview, just by living our life. It's that SOMETIMES I am a little tired out and I just want to have a Normal Life. "Hey Bob, how's the wife and kids?""Fine, Jim."

It's tricky enough that by being a minority in this country; our lifestyle's a bit cramped as it is. A life learning advocate and mentor I respect very much describes the life learning experience as "living as if school doesn't exist". I think I know whatshe means by this, but of course that is not possible in the United States. Even if you didn't have strangers, friends, and family quizzing you (or outright pressuring you in hostile fashion), the 98% (or so) rate of by-rote institutionalizationof children, often since infancy, has major environmental effects. Many adults don't really know how to handle kids and have all sorts of (authoritarian, Scarcity Principle) ideas. Social life is skewed in the most child-segregationist manner: otherpeople's children are not available during the day, and due to intense scheduling, often not available for much during the afternoons, evenings, or weekends, either. When I take my children out and about, I am discouraged from having them enter public spaces- either implicitly or explicitly (I have dozens of examples in my life; here's one - in Olympia, Washington, the closest "city" to my small town, restaurants that serve alcohol - that is most of them - disallow any children to enter after ten PM, even whenaccompanied by their parents).

It's not really possible to "live as if school doesn't exist", because so many depend on it existing and do not question the order of things. And you know, a lot of days that whole business is tricky enough without the pressure of WHY WHY WHY, EXPLAINYOURSELF.

My son Nels, with a post dentist-visit treat. I love we get to have special dates frequently during the week.

So yeah, as breathlessly lovely as it's been to be exposed to, learn about, and thrive by life learning, and as excited as I am to share our journey (you can read my blog if you'dlike to know more), I do sometimes get weary of being reminded we're black sheep.

And please don't, as my aunt once said, tell me I'm "naive" to think if I do things differently than most, I'll get treated differently.

You can't really say I'm "naive" when actually, No I Actually Very Much Know What It's Like to live as a minority in this way.

It's like - but sometimes? I. Just. Want. To. Get. My. Brows. Waxed. Or Whatever.

Kelly Hogaboom is a 34-year old wife, mother, seamstress, writer, volunteer, and social wellbeing activist living in lush and verdant Hoquiam, WA, the United States. She enjoys daily life with family and friends, sobriety, B-movies, and lots of snuggles with the kids and the four kitties under the roof. You can read her blog at kelly.hogaboom.org, her social wellbeing site at underbellie.com, add her on G+, and/or follow her on Twitter (@kellyhogaboom & @underbellie, resp).

5 Ways to Help Someone HATE Reading

2012-01-10T13:52:00.002-05:00

I've often heard complaints and worries, from a wide variety of people, about how many people, especially youth, don't like to read. Blame is placed on a variety of things, from texting on cell phones to uninvolved parents to class sizes in school. But rarely is the actual way reading is taught and approached and looked at brought into question the way I think it needs to be.

I positively love reading, and have since I learned to read at 8 or 9 (and before that I loved being read to), so perhaps I'm not the best person to be writing this. Maybe someone who actually hates reading should be writing this, instead. But then again, people who hate reading often hate writing as well, so would probably have no interest at all in writing about why they hate reading! Besides, I know all the things that I think were done right to foster my own love of reading, so I figure I can just think of all the opposite things that could have been done, instead.

1. Regulated reading. When it comes to things to read, there's an overwhelming variety. Comic books and magazines and poetry, novels and non-fiction books and instruction manuals and textbooks. Yet usually the only types considered Important are actual books, not magazines or video game manuals, and within the category of books there are ones considered far more respectable and important than others (for instance, fantasy novels and non-fiction books on fashion are not generally considered important to include in A Comprehensive Curriculum). There's so much out there to read that it's virtually guaranteed everyone can find something they enjoy reading. Yet if someone is required to read only a certain type of book, only the type of reading deemed most "educational" and "worthwhile" the one doing the requiring is infringing on whatever relationship the learner could find themselves with the written word. Coercion breeds resentment, and deciding what someone else should be reading will likely just create resentment against both the enforcer of that should and against reading itself.

2. Required reading. Similarly to the above, requiring people to read certain amounts or at certain times of the day or for certain reasons is a great way to make reading feel more like work. If something can feel fun instead, that's always what people should be aiming for! As with any forced teaching or forced "educational activities," making reading mandatory doesn't make it something fun, it makes it something to resent.

3. Book reports. So often growing up I heard homeschoolers discussing the book reports they required their children to write upon completing any book they read. A forced book report (something often a very unappealing thing to write even for people who usually enjoy writing) looming at the end of every completed book, is not a very good incentive to do more reading. If you want people to like reading, it has to be something positive and enjoyable, and anything that's done to make it feel more like work is really not conducive to people learning to enjoy reading for it's own sake. When people are most likely to not mind doing things that feel like work is when that work is freely chosen, and when it feels meaningful and important. Book reports? Don't necessarily feel very meaningful! Critically discussing books can be (almost) as interesting and enjoyable as reading itself, but that discussion can happen verbally or in many different written forms (discussion groups and chat-boards, blog posts, Amazon reviews, essays, or yes, book reports) and is of course only enjoyable when the reader has freely chosen to do so. It's also important to remember that it doesn't signify a lack of comprehension if someone is happy reading without doing any type of break-down or discussion afterwards. Different people learn and process things in different ways, and deciding everyone is best served by writing book reports is just going to, once again, breed resentment and negativity towards reading.

4. Shaming reading choices. Maybe a parent doesn't actually regulate as such what their children read, but exclaims upon seeing that horror novel or Superman comic in their children's hands "you're reading that??," with a healthy helping of disdain. This can be a very passive-aggressive tactic, or it can just be a knee-jerk comment made without thought, but either way, it's not pleasant. People want approval and support from those they share their lives with, from the smallest choices and quirks to the biggest life decisions and goals, and even those smallest comments can be hurtful. If reading is something they have to anxiously wonder what their parents will think and say about it, it's not going to be nearly as much fun (not to mention how harmful that type of interaction is to the relationship between parent and child!).

5. Focusing on reading skill. I say this as opposed to focusing on reading enjoyment. Reading skills are certainly important, and certainly influence reading enjoyment (if the act of reading itself is a struggle due to learning dissability or some other reason, it's obviously not going to be very enjoyable and needs to become less of a struggle first). But when you're purely talking about reading enjoyment, as I am in this post, I'm going to say that as long as someone is able to basically read without extreme difficulty, I think it's really important not to focus on individual reading skills, and instead on enjoyment. If someone is being tested regularly, prompted to read faster, asked regularly to read aloud (as a test of ability, not for fun, since reading aloud together can be really fun, no matter what age people are!), or otherwise has a parent focus strongly on reading skills, they're turning reading into something to feel anxious and possibly inadequate about. If someone enjoys reading, that's what's important. And if someone enjoys reading and wants to do more of it, improved skill in the activity will naturally follow!

Of course, some people will face some or all of the things on this list, and still come out as passionate and voracious readers. This list is simply some things I think are a lot more likely to harm than help!

How is your relationship with reading? Do you think I missed anything that should be on this list? Chime in in the comments section and share your thoughts and experiences!

Favorite Unschooling Posts (On This Blog) of 2011

2011-12-30T20:37:00.000-05:00

The last couple of years I've done something like this, and it's a tradition I'd like to keep going. I've chosen my favorite post on this blog from each month of the past year. It's always interesting looking back on what I've written over the year, and if you missed any of them the first time around, I hope you'll find them an interesting read now!

January

Growing Up Unschooled...With Siblings

"To me, one of the greatest benefits of unschooling is the relationships I've developed with my family, which I definitely attribute at least in part to unschooling. When in school, siblings spend every day appart from each other, in separate grades, classrooms, and even schools (though seeing as you're not supposed to be socializing in class, I suppose it wouldn't make much of a difference if siblings where in the same class, anyway). Evenings are usually spent doing homework, or spending time with other friends. There's a stigma attached to hanging out with people of different ages, and I've definitely also encountered a stigma to liking family members. To many young people, actually liking a sibling enough to spend time with them just isn't cool."

February

Blame Unschooling!

"By unschooling, I had the time and space to become my own person. Unschooling gave me freedom. The rest I did myself. Or, myself, with the help of the world, my community, and life in general... Unschooling didn't create the aspects of myself that I'm proud of, and neither did it create my less than stellar qualities. My achievements and mistakes are thanks to me and the circumstances I've found myself in."

March

Why I Use "Labels"

"Some people eschew anything they see as labels, and that's fine. But as a word lover, I kind of like walking around with a string of words attached to me. I picture them trailing out behind my head, fluttering a bit in an imaginary breeze as I move around: a banner of pride. Yeah, pretty fanciful mental image, I know. But anyway, I choose to attach these words to my person because I identify strongly with them: they make me happy to use, I feel like each one describes me well, and I just like them. Those words are my friends."

April

I'm going to cheat a bit on this one, since I didn't really write any real posts this month, and instead share two podcasts I did during that time, one an interview between me and my sister, the other an interview with Kelly Hogaboom. Neither of them are especially "professional," but I was really happy to try creating stuff in a new medium!

May

A Parental Right

"Unschooling isn't about parental rights. It's about children's rights. A childs right to choose their own path in life, with the support and assistance of parental or other care-giving figures in their life."

June

Teenage Rebellion: An Unschooling, Respectfully Parented Perspective

"When the subject of "teenage rebellion" comes up now, my mother is fond of saying "why would you rebel, since there wasn't really anything to rebel against?"

Now, I think there is an important distinction to be made here: some parents proudly brag about how their teens aren't "rebellious," and what they really mean is that their children are obedient to their parents wishes (or, possibly more likely, are simply very good at hiding the aspects of their life that their parents would disapprove of). When I say that most unschoolers I know, myself included, don't or didn't "rebel" against our parents in our teen years, I don't mean it's because we fit the perfect-child model of some narrow-minded authoritarian-parenting suburbanite."

July

I only wrote one post in July, so this pick was an easy one! Insecurities and an Anniversary: Three Years Blogging and Writing from the Heart

"Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it: I don't think, especially right now, that my life is a good example of unschooling. I feel like I've somehow put myself on this pedestal, with lots of people looking up at me, and I'm just going what? How did this happen? I'm not the person you think I am!!"

August

The Ignorant Commenters Strike Again: "But You Have to Learn to Get Along With People You Don't Like!"

"Sadly, life is filled with people who, to put it bluntly, are assholes. People who treat others poorly. Bullies. People who don't seem to realize that working respectfully with others is even an option. You can (and will) definitely find those people in school. But, even if you never set foot in a school, you'll still find those people. The whole thing with living and learning in the real world is that, well, you tend to run into the things commonly found in, you know, the real world."

September

Breaking News: Unschoolers Not as Good at School as Schooled People

"Schooled kids and schooled-at-home kids practice tests all the time. They get good at taking tests, because they take tests. Young, unschooled children who are not used to tests obviously will not be as good at taking tests, regardless of how much knowledge they have in the areas they're being tested on. Unschoolers don't generally aim to be "successful" by being good at tests: they aim to be successful by being good at living life!"

October

Unschooling: Are We Teaching Ourselves

"Virtually every time unschooling is covered in the media (such as the newest segment on MSNBC's Today Show) people, either in the segment itself or in the comments, refer to unschooling as an educational "method" where kids "teach themselves." And that's always struck me as being way off the mark. Unschooling isn't about unschoolers "teaching themselves": it's about unschoolers choosing how and what and with whom they want to learn."

November

Guest Post: The Future of Unschooling by Jeff Landale

"If we find ourselves engaging in radical modes of alternative education which don’t inherently challenge and disrupt crucial aspects of the world, then we should be concerned that we are actually reproducing the same structures which Unschooling was originally supposed to allow us to escape from. Thus, rather than having Unschooling be that thing which isn’t school or homeschooling, we should have Unschooling be something which, while growing out of critiques of industrial schooling and its sibling, homeschooling, defined in terms of what it allows us to become, and how it allows us to change the world."

December

Unschooling and Trust

"Trust is hard, and learning to trust yourself is a continuous journey, full of learning and re-learning your own strength and capability, while learning to accept weaknesses and mistakes. A great strength of unschooling is, I believe, the gift of being confident in the innate ability of children to learn. Giving them trust. And in so doing, breaking a cycle of teaching dependance on authority, breaking the cycle of teaching children that they're incompetent and incapable of having a major say in their own lives."

And with that, I will wish you all a very Happy New Year, filled with joy and health and, of course, lots of learning! I'd like to publish a post in the next couple of days with my favorite unschooling/radical education posts of the last year from all over the internet, and hopefully I'll find time to do so!

Homeschooling Doesn't Mean Your Kids Will be Like You

2011-12-28T22:32:00.001-05:00

I've talked to a lot of young parents considering alternative education of some sort or another, not necessarily unschooling, and to people who plan on teaching their children, a common enthusiasm expressed is that they'll be able to teach their children to love what they love. Usually the thing they're talking about is "classic" something or other, especially literature. Sometimes it's even put as baldly as that, though often that simply seems to be an underlying theme in what they're saying. I don't point it out, though sometimes I consider doing so. It doesn't seem particularly nice to say that all their dreams of creating children who share their interests isn't necessarily going to happen, and I figure it's something people will figure out themselves soon enough. But I always kind of shake my head a bit, internally. Trying to make someone else like the same things you like is likely to lead to them having little interest in the subject being pushed, at best, and actively disliking and resenting both the subject being pushed and the person pushing it, at worst.

I understand the drive behind it: when you think something is fascinating and exciting, enjoyable and useful, or simply fun, it's natural that you want to share it with others. I'm very pleased with myself for making Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans of several of my friends, and I rather hope any future children of mine will like reading Tamora Pierce novels as much as I do.

I can't wait to read her newest novel!

Wanting others to like what you like is perfectly normal. But where many people go wrong is in how they attempt to approach it. With friends, you mostly have to be respectful about it, and introduce things in a "I think this is so cool and thought you might too, want to watch it/read it/try it with me?" But when it comes to children, so often their very thoughts are considered to be under parental control (because really, what is attempting to teach something against someones will if not attempting to control their thoughts?), parents decide what their children should be interested in, and decide to make it happen.

But of course, no matter how much power you hold over another individual, you may be able to make your children read classic literature, but you can't make them like it, no matter how much you enjoyed reading Mark Twain yourself.

It's understood that adults will have different interests based on their own personal tastes and preferences, and those different interests are generally at least marginally respected (while an interest in comic books might not be respected overly much, it's probably unlikely someone will be told to their face they should be reading classic lit instead), yet most often children get very different treatment. Like ideas on the necessity of Shakespeare, many parents think that their list of things that have been most enriching in their lives will also prove the most enriching to their children, if only they teach them about it.

And hey, maybe it will prove just as enjoyable and enriching to them! But it's far more likely to be if you approach it right, the same way you would with a friend or other adult loved one. Share your enthusiasm, make the things you like readily available, ask if your kids want to watch this great movie, or read your favorite book. Enthusiasm and passion are engaging, and can definitely spark interest for someone else. But unless you want to breed resentment, be okay with your kids just not being interested, or watching that wonderful movie and finding it considerably less wonderful than you find it. It also has to go both ways: if you expect your children to at least try out your favorite things, be ready to do the same with them. The best relationships, no matter the type, are based on sharing: sharing of emotions and experiences and interests and passions. It's no different when it comes to sharing favorite things with your children (and your children sharing their favorite things with you).

So I keep quiet when parents enthuse about how much their children are going to love this and that thing and subject because the parents are planning on making it an important part of their homeschool curriculum. I just wish them the best, and hope that things work out in a way that each person gets to have their own favorite things, and enjoy sharing those favorites with each other!

Against the Grain: Listen to the Podcast on The Unschooler Experiment!

2011-12-27T19:48:00.001-05:00

I fell down on the job these last few days what with Christmas and all, but as I'm sure you'll notice my last several posts were of the essays being published on The Unschooler Experiment as part of the Week of the Idzie. You can find a list of all those essays here, and as of today you can also listen to me read them all on The Unschooler Experiment podcast! Check it out:

Finding Community @ The Unschooler Experiment

2011-12-22T22:43:00.000-05:00

Day 3 in the Week of the Idzie.

I started getting enthusiastic about the idea of unschooling when I was 16 or 17, and I actually met other unschoolers in real life for the first time when I was 17 and went to Not Back to School Camp. I think I expected everything to change instantly: that I’d magically become more outgoing and make a ton of new friends in one fell swoop, and I was a bit disappointed when that didn’t happen. But I did really like the atmosphere of camp, and I did make some new, tentative friendships. And as I continued to make my way into the unschooling community by going to a couple of conferences with my mother and sister, and going to Not Back to School Camp again the next year, I started realizing that, slowly but surely, I was making quite a few friends. I found myself keeping in touch with those friends, even though they lived far away, and gaining a hell of a lot of confidence along the way.

I learned that maybe I was someone worth being friends with, after all, and I learned that there were a lot of unschoolers I very much wanted to get to know better.

Now, the unschooling community isn’t the only one I feel I need in my life: I was rather surprised when I first started going to unschooling events by how non-radical many unschoolers are. I guess I’d assumed that because questioning the schooling system lead me to questioning so much else, that that would be the experience of others, as well. And it is! Just not as many others as maybe I’d first thought. This isn’t meant in any way as a criticism, just an honest reflection of my thoughts. Regardless, the people I choose to surround myself with now are unschoolers, anarchists, radicals, queers, hippies, pagans, and other odd folk. And I’m using “odd” here in the most complementary sense possible!

Everyone will feel pulled to find different communities, but all of us do need community.

It’s the finding of it that can be difficult.

Normalcy is for Squares @ The Unschooler Experiment

2011-12-21T14:31:00.000-05:00

Day two in The Week of the Idzie.

My sister and I spend a lot of time together. We enjoy having really great discussions, sharing observations, jokes, and just generally being best friends. And a while back, I made some comment along the lines that I dress pretty normally, and my sister just looked at me and said “Idzie, you’ve forgotten what normal is.”

I regularly forget what normal is about more than just clothing. I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing or not, but I think it does say something about where, and with whom, I spend most of my time!

I’ve been asked if I feel unschooling made, and makes, it harder for me to connect with “regular” people, and I find that a difficult question to begin with, just because there are so many ways in which my views and lifestyle are, well, far from mainstream. It goes beyond just what could be covered under the label of unschooler.

Some people seem able to find common ground with every single person they come across, and I truly envy that skill. Because so often, with new acquaintances, I find myself running out of anything to talk about very, very quickly. Being the unschooling, vegetarian, animistic, green-anarchist, feminist, hippie freak that I am, what’s on my radar tends to look pretty different than the things that feature most prominently in many other peoples lives...

Read more over at The Unschooler Experiment!

I Get My Very Own Week, Courtesy of The Unschooler Experiment!

2011-12-20T12:47:00.001-05:00

I did a recording of my talk Against The Current, for the wonderful website The Unschooler Experiment, about a month ago. The Unschooler Experiment sets itself apart from pretty much all other unschooling sites in that it focuses on the stories and experiences of grown unschoolers themselves, instead of parents, and seeks to share information that's interesting and relevant to both grown unschoolers and parents of unschoolers (and grown unschooled parents of unschoolers, of course!).

And now I'm incredibly honored to be featured this whole week on that site, during The Week of the Idzie! My talk has been broken up into 7 essays, which will be followed by my reading of those essays in a podcast on day 8. I'm truly flattered, and also just can't help but be extremely amused by that title. "Week of the Idzie"... It sounds very much like something I'd declare dramatically and with great silliness to my family. "I declare this to be the Week of the Idzie!!" Anyway, a big thanks to Peter Kowalke and other awesome folks over at The Unschooler Experiment.

See all the Week of the Idzie posts here:

And read today's essay Against the Grain (Day 1 in the Week of the Idzie. It seems egocentric to get such a kick out of that title, but I can't help it!).

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In other news, though it may be taking longer than I'd hoped, posts will soon be posted on Sistermatic Response, I promise! You can follow updates over at the Sistermatic Response Facebook page. You can also, of course, follow this blog as well, at the I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. Facebook page!

Unschooling and Trust

2011-12-16T19:39:00.000-05:00

When you get right down to it one of the most integral aspects of unschooling, and this is something you hear lots of unschooling advocates saying, is trust.

Trust is a really nice word. According to Dictionary.com, trust is:

trust
[truhst]
noun
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.

I love that first definition. Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person. Unschooling, or really, doing many things differently than those ways of doing and being sanctioned by the dominant culture, takes a lot of trust. It takes trust on multiple levels.

Trusting that Nature/evolution/the Divine/God/Goddess has created human beings capable of learning, capable of following their innate drive to learn, capable of making the important decisions in their lives. It's trusting that nature got things right.

Trusting, as a parent, that you have the capability (and strength, ability, surety) to make the decision to take your kids out of school, or to never send them to school to begin with. And trusting that your children are capable people, able to learn and grow guided by their innate desire to explore the world around them.

Trusting yourself, as someone who is themselves of an age to be in compulsory schooling, to have the insight, foresight, strength and ability to take the leap of leaving school, or if your parents made that decision at an earlier point for you, trusting that you really have always been and continue to be capable of controlling your own learning, "education," and life.

Trust is hard, and learning to trust yourself is a continuous journey, full of learning and re-learning your own strength and capability, while learning to accept weaknesses and mistakes. A great strength of unschooling is, I believe, the gift of being confident in the innate ability of children to learn. Giving them trust. And in so doing, breaking a cycle of teaching dependance on authority, breaking the cycle of teaching children that they're incompetent and incapable of having a major say in their own lives.

I believe unschooling can really help in allowing people to develop confidence in their own power.

At the same time, though, unschoolers are of course just people, and unschooling doesn't erase the influences of the rest of this culture, or fundamentally change the fact that everyone, no matter their upbringing or education, has insecurities and worries and problems with trusting their own judgement. I never went to school (I don't count kindergarten), yet that doesn't stop my insecurities! And it doesn't stop me from wondering on a regular basis if I am trustworthy, if I really am capable of making the best choices for myself.

It helps though, having had so much trust for so many years. It helps being able to look at all the things I've learned and accomplished, by my own initiative and in my own time.

So, unschooling is really about trusting. Trusting Nature, trusting your kids, trusting yourself. It won't be perfect, but as long as that core of trust remains, I'd say unschooling works out pretty damn well.

Sistermatic Response: Announcing a New Blog!

2011-11-27T15:16:00.001-05:00

I love this blog, love writing about unschooling and radical education, and plan to continue writing here for the foreseeable future (hopefully with more frequency than I've been posting lately!). But at some point, this blog has morphed from being a blog where I can write about anything, to a blog very specifically focused on education (and directly related things like respectful parenting). That isn't a bad thing at all: I feel the focus and content of this blog is strong, and I like that. But it has left me feeling a bit like I'm just sticking in my comfort zone in writing almost exclusively about unschooling, and has made me feel a bit restless. I want to be writing about more different things, exploring in writing my views and experiences when it comes to other important subjects. So I was absolutely thrilled when I asked my sister Emilie if she would be interested in co-authoring a new feminist blog with me, and she said yes!

That was a few weeks ago, and since then, we've come up with a name (let me give a shout-out to Ryan, follower of this blog, for suggesting the title!), set up a blog, and are working on that in preparation for a launch in early December. If you'd like to stay up-tp-date on it's progress, read interesting linked articles, and know right away when the blog goes live, you can follow it's Facebook page:

(Don't worry if you don't have Facebook, you won't get all the updates, but I will post on this blog letting you know when Sistermatic Response is active!)

Just saying "it's a feminist blog" may not really tell you if it's something you'd be interested in or not (though it might), so here's a bit more info. Our tagline is Two feminist sisters on sexuality, gender, pop-culture, and resistance, and part of the About page reads:

Sistermatic Response came about when two sisters, sisters who spent many hours swinging on swings and staying up into the wee hours of the morning, realized that all the things they regularly discuss--such as sexism and gender oppression; sexuality; gender identity; gender roles and expectations; racism, heterosexism, cissexism, classism, and how those all tie into each other and tie into sexism; the problematic (and positive) themes and tropes they regularly saw in their favourite (and least favourite) TV shows, novels, movies and comic books; and the dismantling of and resistance to the various and complex systems of oppression that make up this culture--could be written about, too, and shared with others.

And so this blog idea was born, as a place for us to publicly discuss, dissect, and rant about the world we live in and the things we experience on a daily basis.

All issues and movements and subjects overlap and interweave, and I'm sure there will be occasional cross-posting of posts on I'm Unschooled. Yes I Can Write. and Sistermatic Response, but largely, this blog is my education blog, and Sistermatic Response will be my (shared with my sister and best friend) social justice and political blog.

I hope at least some of you share at least some of my excitement about this project! If you do, come join us on Facebook, and look for news on this blog about SR's launch in December.

Guest Post: You Can Unschool with Limited Resources by Sara Schmidt

2011-11-23T15:13:00.001-05:00

A big thanks to Sara for sharing her experiences here! Enjoy, and think about sharing your own stories in the comments section.

I am broke. But I can still unschool.

One of the most common misconceptions about homeschooling and unschooling is that you have to be wealthy to do so. I actually do get this comment from both parents of children who attend public school as well as some curriculum-using homeschoolers, many of whom are quite well off and do not seem to understand if we cannot afford an expensive field trip or microscope.

This idea, however, is a bit ironic to those of us who consider homeschooling something of an ancient practice, the way all humans learned until the development of compulsory schools—which, in America, was only around 100 years ago. How on earth did our ancestors learn anything, I always want to respond, when they were too busy working the fields, caring for one another, doing chores, and, well, living every day? Funny how literacy rates were higher back then, too.

But I digress. Of all of the unschoolers I know, many of them are in the same boat I am in. I was laid off in 2008, followed by my husband’s layoff last year. Together we went from an income of about $65,000 to one that was, until this month when he got a new job, under $18,000. This was very difficult (and still is, as we pay off debts such as student loans) and we have had to make a lot of cuts, but we are still quite happy and healthy—and we still unschool.

You don’t need any additional funds to unschool (or homeschool, really; if you want to use a curriculum, there are several free ones available). Unschooling is simply living with your child every day, allowing him or her to make his or her own decisions. No additional materials or programs are required; only your time and attention, if that. Unschoolers rely on experiences rather than overhead projectors and expensive curriculum sets. And now, with the Internet easily at your fingertips, there’s really not much you cannot learn.

Even so, many of us unschoolers don’t believe that money is all that valuable. Gasp! There, I said it. Sure, we need it for food and electricity and other essentials, but we don’t usually buy a lot of the same things our neighbors do—multiple cars or cellular phones, televisions, video games, cable, whatever. We do a lot of secondhand shopping (my daughter enjoys yard sailing very much!) and we buy what we need, usually nothing more.

Our values tend to reflect this as well; indeed, our definition of success is does not include how much money or how big of a house you have, but how happy and healthy you are, how meaningful your life is to you, and how kindly you treat one another and the earth itself.

I am lucky enough to work from home, and my husband works very early morning shifts so we can both usually be with our daughter; but I know unschoolers who take children to work, swap childcare with other unschoolers, or even utilize a good childcare program for part of the day while they make their living. Your child is going to learn no matter where he or she is or what he or she is doing, so why worry? There are so many options available to you if you just look outside the box a bit—which is, of course, what unschooling is all about!

Please do not get me wrong: there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty if you absolutely cannot unschool due to finances and a need to work very long hours. So please don’t feel guilty! But that might not have to be the end of the story for you, either. If money and/or childcare are the only things standing between your family and unschooling, see if you can come up with a solution. Try brainstorming with other unschooling or homeschooling friends (or on this blog!) and with your family and maybe you’ll be able to come up with a creative way of life that is unique to your own family’s needs—one that will allow you to live life the way you always wanted to.

(A note from the blog owner: just a reminder to please be respectful in the comments. Each person is the expert on their own life, so if someone says they really can't unschool, please respect that! Of course, if people are asking for suggestions in how to make unschooling work for them, that's something entirely different.)

Sara Schmidt is an unschooling mom, writer, artist, activist, and intermittent graduate student from Missouri. The former editor of YouthNoise, she has written for The Whole Child Blog, Teaching Tolerance, The Institute for Democratic Education in America, BluWorld, Ecorazzi, and dozens of other blogs, printed materials, and nonprofit organizations.

Guest Post: The Future of Unschooling by Jeff Landale

2011-11-13T16:06:00.001-05:00

I found this post to be very relevant personally, as when I received it a couple of nights ago I was in the middle of writing in my unschooling book about how we present unschooling, and how I feel we often sell it short, in not recognizing how much of a truly radical impact it could have... I feel that Jeff really illustrates some interesting and important points here, and I hope you like this post as much as I do!

The New York Times had an article it published earlier this year, titled “After Home Schooling, Pomp and Traditional Circumstances”, which, in my mind, illustrated a few of the dangers alternative education movements can encounter as they grow, and also some roadblocks to a greater role these movements can take in transforming the world. The article describes 26 Floridian homeschoolers participating in a graduation ceremony, saying that “just as more home-school families now join co-ops offering weekly field trips and chemistry labs or use the local public school for sports, band or a class, so too do many of them embrace all the trappings of graduation season.” While I don’t want to deny parents the joy of seeing their child participate in a ritual marking their entry into the world (especially given the overall lack of rituals we have in our world), I hesitate when I see alternative education taking the same path that alternative music took in the 90s: a different surface aesthetic, but fundamentally following the same model as what it was ostensibly supposed to be an alternative to.

The article describes how each graduate was given a “Certificate of Completion”, speeches were given, photographs were taken of the graduates in gowns and those square hats with the tassels, so that the homeschoolers can say “I graduated, just like everybody else.” Homeschooling, for these homeschoolers and their parents, seems to be a way of schooling, just by other means: parents instead of teachers, a graduation at the zoo instead of the gymnasium, and so on. By wanting to participate in the cultural touchstone of a graduation ceremony, these homeschoolers are still allied to the ethos of school. There is thus only a superficial rejection of schooling, because the school is simply reconstructed at home. For the students and parents, this can make a huge difference in their lives, but structurally things are the same. Homeschooling, in this way, is a private affair, and a private decision, with no implicit or explicit social ramifications.

While this article does not make a big deal about the pros and cons of homeschooling (Will they be socialized? Will they have friends? How will they live in the real world? Will they learn anything?), it does open up the possibility that these questions are increasingly becoming an irrelevant distraction for people interested in truly radical alternative modes of education. If homeschoolers spend so much time and effort imitating the rituals, structures, symbols, and outcomes of industrialized compulsory education, if homeschoolers work hard to be able to answer the mind-numbing litany of inquiries into the success of homeschooling, then homeschooling itself will be nothing more than school outside of the school building.

And this is where Unschooling comes in. Unschooling runs the same risk of becoming superficially different while structurally similar to the forms of education and learning which we are aiming to break free from. Unschooling as a pedagogical philosophy has the advantage of being able to differentiate itself from both industrial schooling and homeschooling, but only if it differentiates itself critically, and not merely superficially. What are the structural changes we want to see in our lives as a result of Unschooling? What kind of relationship do we want with learning? What are the social changes that would inevitably result from Unschooling, if the logic of the philosophy was allowed to unfurl itself completely?

Writers like John Taylor Gatto (Dumbing Us Down) and Ivan Illich (Deschooling Society) showed not only how schooling damages individuals, but also how it supports so many of the oppressive and exploitative aspects of our society. If we find ourselves engaging in radical modes of alternative education which don’t inherently challenge and disrupt crucial aspects of the world, then we should be concerned that we are actually reproducing the same structures which Unschooling was originally supposed to allow us to escape from. Thus, rather than having Unschooling be that thing which isn’t school or homeschooling, we should have Unschooling be something which, while growing out of critiques of industrial schooling and its sibling, homeschooling, defined in terms of what it allows us to become, and how it allows us to change the world. And this means that in a lot of cases, we should simply disengage from conversations with Unschoolers and with all of those annoying talking heads on TV who ask over and over again whether Unschooling will create the same sort of individuals as school does (except smarter, and harder working, or whatever). With the legal status of Unschooling being mostly settled in the United States and Canada, now might be the time to stop reassuring others and ourselves that Unschooling won’t screw up lots of kids, and start focusing on how self-directed learning can lead to, and be a part of, much broader social movements throughout the globe.

Jeff Landale is an elementary school drop out currently studying Politics and Classics at Simon's Rock College in scenic Great Barrington, Massachusetts. Ostensibly, he is writing an undergraduate thesis on Unschooling and its role in emancipatory struggles,but in reality he spends his time thinking about Indian food. He can be reached at jefflandale@gmail.com

Want to Contribute to this Blog? I'm Looking for Guest Posts!

2011-11-02T15:47:00.001-04:00

You know how I've been talking about writing a book, or a zine, or an eBook, for a very long time now? Well, I keep starting, then deciding it's crap and starting afresh, then deciding that one is crap too, then re-writing part of it, then starting another one... Basically, I haven't been very productive when it comes to writing a book or even a zine. So about a week ago, with November and thus NaNoWriMo coming up, I started thinking hey, why don't I just basically do NaNoWriMo (in that I'm aiming for 50,000 words by the end of November, 1,667 words a day), only write my book about unschooling instead of a novel? Because I'll be writing lots this month, and won't really be able to write much on this blog, I figure this is a good opportunity to solicit some guest posts I've been wanting to get for a while now! Here are the subjects I'm looking for:

Rising Out of High School. Making the decision, convincing parents, dealing with school staff, how friends react, making the transition/deschooling, etc. I think this is a super important subject, but one I'm not qualified to write about. I fairly regularly get emails from teens in high school who really want to get out, but don't really know how, and I just feel helpless because I have no clue what advice to give! But I know that there are riseouts who read this blog, and I know that your story would be MUCH appreciated by many people!!
Unschooling and Marginalization/Unschooling and Privilege. I'm not really sure that's a good title at all, but basically what I'm trying to do here is make some space for narratives about unschooling that you don't usually see. The most common unschooling narrative is that of a middle class, white, able-bodied, nuclear family. When you go to unschooling conferences, they're mostly populated by middle class white people. So what I'm looking for is people to write about why they think that is; the intersection of unschooling and class, race, physical ability, sexuality, gender; and the lived reality of unschooling when you're not middle class, not white, not straight, etc.
Unschooling Internationally. No, I'm not talking about travel. I feel like there's already lots of interesting stuff out there on that! What I'm interested in is posts about unschooling in countries outside of North America. What's it like unschooling in Mexico? Ireland? Romania? India? I'm looking for stories of people from the country they're writing about please, not ex-pats.

And I think that's it for now! If you'd be interested in writing an article on any of those subjects, or a combination of any of the above subjects, please email me at unschooledwriter@gmail.com. If at all possible, I'd like to receive your finished posts during November (though contact me before writing anything to discuss details, please!), so that there can be interesting content here during this month, but if that's not possible, I'm still interested in having your posts at a later date!

Public Speaking, Here I Come! ...I hope.

2011-10-28T14:33:00.001-04:00

Some people may have noticed that I changed/updated/sort-of-made-a-new page (it used to be "speaking at..." and never got any hits) last week. It's entitled speaking schedule and information on booking.

Up until recently, my approach to public speaking tended to be more along the lines of "oh, yeah, I guess I probably will, if someone asks", so this new page is signifying a change in perspective. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the things I like doing, and how I could do them differently, as part of a last-ditch attempt to figure out ways to earn some money doing the things I actually enjoy doing, before surrendering completely to the idea of hunting for a real job. Some of this rethinking will not involve money, but money has been on my mind, as I've been thinking of how it relates to what I'm doing and want to do, which is something I never really did seriously before (I always seemed to have the mostly subconscious idea that the only way to really earn money was through far less fun ways, so those are always what I thought of when it came to money-earning).


TUC 2010. Definitely a case of "what? Um, yeah, I guess!"

And, well, in that thinking and rethinking of things, I decided to make it clear that not only will I do public speaking, but I actively want to be doing more public speaking gigs. I enjoy it quite a bit, and though stress is often involved, it's a challenge that I genuinely like.

So here's what I have to say on my new public speaking page:

If you would like me to speak at your event or to your group, please contact me at unschooledwriter@gmail.com. If it's something local (Montreal and surrounding area), I'm happy to do Q & A's, panels, and/or short speeches for only the cost of transportation (bus fare, basically), simply because I think it's important that people learn about unschooling! However, especially for longer speeches though for the above as well, I prefer to speak on a by-attendee-donation basis, thus helping to support me and my ability to write, travel, and speak, while still being accessible to everyone who's interested in hearing what I have to say, regardless of income level. Receiving a flat fee also works, of course! I'm very open to discussing and trying hard to make things work for everyone involved.

I'm also quite happy to travel further afield to speak, with similar views on cost (paid transportation, beyond that it's negotiable). Contact me!

I don't know if this will change anything in terms of frequency of public speaking (I'm currently discussing speaking in Quebec City sometime next month, though I started talking to the organizer in that case before making any changes on the blog), but I felt it was important to at least put it out there to see if anything comes of it.

Comments, questions, advice, suggestions, are, as always, welcome in either the comments or by email!

Review of A Rule is to Break: A Child's Guide to Anarchy

2011-10-22T14:57:00.000-04:00

I received this book from the author and illustrator free of charge, but I am not receiving any other type of compensation for writing this review.

It's always exciting getting books in the mail. I always eagerly rip through the packaging, quickly finding a comfy (or less-than-comfy if I'm in a particular rush) place to settle down to rifle through the pages if it's a longer book, and simply read straight through if it's a shorter one.

A Rule is to Break: A Child's Guide to Anarchy by John Seven and Jana Christy Seven, being a picture book, I read reasonably quickly, though I did take a bit of time on each page to fully admire the wonderfully charming artwork. I've long admired Jana's art, how gorgeous and organic it feels, the colours and textures and style... It's just lovely! And this book was no different.

Well, not when it comes to the good artwork, anyway. In other ways, it is VERY different from any other children's book I've read!

Many (I think it's fair to say most) children's picture books are thinly disguised morality tales, and when not outright morality tales, are still strongly pushing and presenting the norms and expectations of the dominant culture. Not particularly surprising, really, considering that the writers of most children's books, like most people, are very firmly enmeshed in the dominant culture. And really, doesn't everyone know that children should listen to their parents and teachers, follow all the rules, behave "well," etc.?

John and Jana, unschooling parents themselves, present a very different view in A Rule is to Break, saying on their site "children are natural masters of anarchy, but are too often unaware of the power they wield in their cute little hands, and too seldom encouraged by grown-ups to figure that out! In A Rule Is To Break: A Child’s Guide To Anarchy that determined little devil girl Wild Child wages her own one-girl rebellion against the stifling world of adults who just want her to behave! And she brings her friends along!"

With advice from "ignore school and read books! Use your brain." and "forget about grocery stores and get dirty in your garden!" to sillier but no less engaging pages urging you to "hug the ugliest monster you can find!" this book is definitely not your run of the mill children's book. And I love that! Because what this book really feels like is that it's simply celebrating childhood: the joy, the wonder of discovery, the spontaneity and strong emotions (one page reads "go ahead and get stompy!" with an obviously angry/frustrated Wild Child expressing her emotions in the form of stomping).

I also appreciate that though identified as a girl by the authors, there's nothing in either the Wild Child's dress or behaviour that conforms to any gender expectations. She's just a kid who likes doing things her own way!

So there you have it. If you hadn't already gotten that impression, I definitely recommend this book. I've been bringing it with me on the various trips I've been on in the late summer/early fall, to show to anyone I think might be interested, and have been getting LOTS of positive responses to it! So if you want to buy it, you can find out how to do so here, OR you can download it for free here!

I hope that you, and any children in your life, appreciate this book as much as I did.

Unschooling: Are We Teaching Ourselves?

2011-10-14T13:54:00.001-04:00

Virtually every time unschooling is covered in the media (such as the newest segment on MSNBC's Today Show) people, either in the segment itself or in the comments, refer to unschooling as an educational "method" where kids "teach themselves." And that's always struck me as being way off the mark. Unschooling isn't about unschoolers "teaching themselves": it's about unschoolers choosing how and what and with whom they want to learn.

The world is big, and we're constantly learning. Sometimes the learning happens when you're alone, sometimes with just one other person, sometimes in a large group. These are just a few ways that unschoolers can and do find knowledge and learning:

The internet and books. Here is a way that could be considered "teaching yourself." Looking up things you're interested in on the net, reading books on the subject... Yet even that isn't necessarily an all-by-yourself thing. Sometimes someone will read something out loud to me that they think I might be interested in. I regularly share article links and in turn have people send me links. I interact with people and learn from them on the internet quite often. I visit the library or a second-hand bookstore with family and friends, and we share the interesting books we find.

Classes and lessons. I know, shocking, isn't it? But Unschoolers do actually take classes sometimes! My sister takes Ninjitsu and has music lessons. I've gone to various classes in the past. Many unschoolers do, because sometimes, they're just the best or easiest, most interesting or fun way to learn something new, improve a skill you already have, or just enjoy learning along with a bunch of other people!

Workshops. I could have included workshops with classes, I suppose, but I wanted to put this separately because I feel like most of the time, workshops have a different feel from classes: they're more horizontal, rooted in the community, have less of a here-is-an-expert-teaching-us-stuff and more of a here-is-a-member-of-the-community-sharing-knowledge feel. In case you couldn't guess, workshops are one of my favourite ways to learn with others, share knowledge, have great discussions, and meet new people.

Mentors. My sister's Ninjitsu instructor and drum teacher are both most definitely mentors. They're people she's friends with, people she respects, and people she learns a lot from (and as in all healthy relationships, no matter the type, I imagine they learn from her, as well). Mentors can be found through formal things like classes, as well as informally, through your community or extended social network. But no matter how you find them, people who are passionate and knowledgeable about something (be they accredited teachers or not), and are happy to share that knowledge and experience with others, can be a really wonderful way to learn.

Talking to people. Everyone has skills and knowledge and things to share. If you simply talk to people--friends, family, acquaintances, strangers--you learn a lot about a lot of different things.

The whole damn world. I think that when people are first learning about unschooling, it can be helpful to point out specific ways to find knowledge and gain skills, but when it really comes down to it, learning is everywhere. Whether walking in the woods, reading a book on architecture, going to Spanish class, talking to a friend, or contemplating clouds, learning is happening. And I think that's one of the biggest paradigm shifts people make as they move towards unschooling: seeing that learning happens everywhere, all the time, not just between certain times in the day, or when engaging in certain activities.

Occasionally (really, it doesn't happen often), I've heard people say that they think that children are fine growing up with only their family unit around them: that all that kids need is a stable, loving family, and I definitely disagree with that. While I think family is/can be extremely important, humans are social animals, and I believe having a wider community is also extremely important (and I also want to acknowledge that for some people--children and adults--who do not have any family, or whose family is not loving or supportive, people from their community are the most important people in their life). So I think that by looking at unschooling as something done by a child, alone, that's really inaccurate, and misses out on what I think can be one of the best things about unschooling: the fact you're living in the actual world, interacting with lots of different people, learning and discovering within your family, and within your community.

So, sometimes unschoolers learn on their own. Sometimes they don't. Some unschoolers spend more time learning with others, some unschoolers spend more time learning alone. But overall? Unschooling definitely isn't about only ever "teaching yourself"!

Blogging 101 Workshop for Teens and Young Adults

2011-10-05T17:24:00.000-04:00

I hesitated about posting this on the blog, since most of my readers are not local, but finally I figured what the hell? Maybe some local peeps who read will be interested! So here's some info I just sent out on local lists about a workshop I'll be facicilitating next week:

What is this? Blogging 101

Blogging can be a wonderfully versatile form of self (and public) expression: you can use it as a journal; to showcase your art (photography, painting, comics, short stories, longer stories...); to share a subject you're knowledgeable about, or to document the process as you learn about a brand new subject; to keep people up-to-date on a community project; to provide support and information, to make connections with others, and a thousand other uses. Basically? Blogging is really cool! In this workshop, we'll aim to have every attendee figure out what they want their blog to be about, then set up an account and blog with Blogger (a free platform that lets you create and customize blogs). We'll also dicuss networking with other bloggers, building a readership, and other relevant blogging basics. Though this is a one time workshop, there's the possibility, if attendees are interested, in continuing to learn and share through a blogging club. Experienced bloggers who want to share their knowledge and experience are also very welcome to attend!

Who is it for? Anyone, homeschooled, unschooled, or schooled, who is in their teens through early 20's.

How much does it cost? Nothing!

Where is it? In St Henri, Montreal (email Idzie at unschooledwriter@gmail.com for exact location)

When is it? Tuesday, October 11, at 5:30 pm

Who's hosting the workshop? The workshop is being organized through the brand new IMAGINe educATION resource centre for teens and young adults (http://www.centreimagineeducation.ca/english.php), and being facilitated by Idzie Desmarais. Bio: Idzie often refers to herself as an unschooling vegetarian animistic green-anarchist feminist hippie child. She dropped out of kindergarten, and instead grew up pursuing her varied passions and figuring things out in her own time. She became passionate about unschooling and freedom-based education in her late teens, and in the several years since she's established a well-known blog entitled I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. (yes-i-can-write.blogspot.com), attended multiple unschooling conferences and gatherings, spoken about unschooling at various events, and has had articles appear in several education related publications (Life Learning Magazine; Our Schools, Our Selves; Homeschooling Horizons).

For more information on this workshop, including where it's being held, contact Idzie at unschooledwriter@gmail.com. For more information on the center, contact Marilyn at marilyn@educationevolution.org.

I hope to see you there!

Idzie
unschooledwriter@gmail.com

New Bio, Updated About Me Page

2011-09-29T17:47:00.000-04:00

I haven't felt satisfied with the bio I had on the About Me and the Family page for a while now. It was a couple of years old, and though still pretty much accurate, just didn't really feel right anymore. So today, I wrote a new (longer) one! I also updated my photo on that page and my family's bios. Go check it out! Or just read my updated bio below:

My name is Idzie Desmarais, and I'm a 20 year old lifelong learner who lives in Montreal, Quebec with my wonderful family.

Very short bio: I'm an unschooling vegetarian animistic green-anarchist feminist hippie child. I'm a writer, thinker, dreamer... A woman, a sister, a daughter, a friend. I'm also an unschooling advocate/activist, a lover of food, and a radical.

Much longer bio: I'm a kindergarten drop-out who, excluding those six months of kindergarten, has never been to school. Instead, I grew up following my passions and figuring things out in my own time. In my late teens I became fascinated with the education (often referred to as unschooling) I'd grown up with, and started reading everything I could about unschooling and freedom-based education, going to unschooling conferences, and writing the blog I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. At this point, as well as still doing all of those things, I'm also very involved with the freedom-based education movement in my home city, as well as the wider unschooling/freedom-based education community through the making of connections and friendships with people scattered across North America (and beyond!). Basically? I think unschooling is really, really cool, and that the ideas found in that philosophy can be a powerful tool of both personal and social transformation.

I'm a radical creature, a green anarchist and feminist, who leans strongly towards anti-civ thought. I'm against hierarchy and rulers, imposed authority, capitalism, patriarchy/kyrarchy, and similar nasty stuff. I try to be as aware as I can of oppression and privilege (in the interest of knowing where I'm coming from in my writing, I'm a white, cisgender, able-bodied, lower-middle-class, not-quite-straight woman), and to basically just not be an asshole. I'm currently super interested in radical sustainability; communal, cooperative, collective, and community-based living (especially intentional communities); queer and gender stuff; feminism; getting stuff for free/living on very little/no money...

I love food. As in, REALLY love food! I've never been very successful at actually doing so, but I am interested in growing food, foraging, and dumpster diving, as well as sharing and trading food, farmers markets, and basically anything that involves me getting food. I love cooking, cooking for others, and eating. I love trying new foods, new restaurants, and I even like doing food prep. I'm vegetarian, and have been since age eight, but though I don't really plan to change my diet anytime soon, or start cooking with meat, I'm no longer as attached to the idea of always being vegetarian as I used to be (though I know if I do start eating meat at some point, I will be VERY picky.).

My spirituality is closely tied into to the realization that all life is of equal worth, that the Earth/Nature is sacred, and that humans are animals, and like all animals, we belong in functioning living communities. Sometimes I use the term animist to refer to my spiritual beliefs.

I often say I'm a hippie, which isn't really a word with a clear definition, but when I use it it basically just means that I'm a radical, tree-hugging, non-shaving, organic-farm-loving person who sometimes likes to wear tie-dye.

I value honesty and genuine expression greatly, and only really feel comfortable when I feel I'm being genuine. I seek to share my trials and difficulties in my writing, how I'm actually feeling about things and my true opinions, not just what will sound good, or what will get the best reactions. I feel like I'm mostly successful in this, though not always.

I love getting comments, though I don't respond to them nearly as often as I should. Same for emails: I can be contacted at unschooledwriter@gmail.com, and though I read every single email I get, I am VERY bad at responding to them (I usually respond eventually, but it takes me a very long time)! If you really want to talk to me, the best way to do so is through Skype. Just email me (unschooledwriter@gmail.com) to set up a specific time, or add me: idziee (two e's), and just poke me when I'm online. I really like meeting and talking to new people, and I'm happy to answer questions!

I can also be found on:
Twitter
YouTube
Tumblr
I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. Facebook Page

Breaking News: Unschoolers Not as Good at School as Schooled People

2011-09-28T14:29:00.000-04:00

Seems there was a study that came out a few weeks ago, which came to the conclusion that unschooling does not "work" as well as either schooling or structured homeschooling.

I realize I'm a little late on addressing this one, considering it's a study that was published in early September, so has already been blogged about pretty extensively, but with how little time I've spent at home (or at the very least in my home city--my family is currently staying in an apartment while some major repairs/renovations are going on at our house) in the last month (I've been in Ontario, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine) this is the first time I've been able to get around to it!

I'd suggest reading the whole press release, though I find these parts especially relevant:

"The investigation compared 74 children living in Nova Scotia and New Brunswick: 37 who were homeschooled versus 37 who attended public schools. Participants were between 5 and 10 years old and each child was asked to complete standardized tests, under supervision of the research team, to assess their reading, writing, arithmetic skills, etc."

"The study included a subgroup of 12 homeschooled children taught in an unstructured manner. Otherwise known as unschooling, such education is free of teachers, textbooks and formal assessment.

'Compared with structured homeschooled group, children in the unstructured group had lower scores on all seven academic measures,' says Martin-Chang. 'Differences between the two groups were pronounced, ranging from one to four grade levels in certain tests.'
Children taught in a structured home environment scored significantly higher than children receiving unstructured homeschooling. 'While children in public school also had a higher average grade level in all seven tests compared with unstructured homeschoolers,' says Martin-Chang."

Upon reading that, a couple of things immediately come to mind:

The method of judging "success" that was chosen was standardized tests. Schooled kids and schooled-at-home kids practice tests all the time. They get good at taking tests, because they take tests. Young, unschooled children who are not used to tests obviously will not be as good at taking tests, regardless of how much knowledge they have in the areas they're being tested on. Unschoolers don't generally aim to be "successful" by being good at tests: they aim to be successful by being good at living life!
Unschoolers learn on their own timeline. The children in this study were between 5 and 10, and were being tested on the things the educational system has decided should be known at age 5 or age 7. I couldn't even read until age 8 or 9, so if I had been tested at age 7 or 8, I would have been way below "grade level." However, that doesn't seem to have harmed my ability to read now... I don't really agree with using standardized testing as a way to judge achievement and success at all, but even just going with those by-grade-level tests as a way to meassure such things, I feel that were the study to instead look at teenagers, say, between 14 and 18, the results likely would have been quite different...
The definition of unschooling that was used seems less than accurate. No teachers or textbooks? As I've said before, unschooling doesn't have to mean unstructured. It just means that unschoolers have the freedom to choose more or less structure. So if (rather unsurprisingly) the authors of the study--the ones separating the children involved into different categories--don't even know what unschooling is, it doesn't seem that that separation will be very accurate.

I also take issue with the fact that one of the professors overseeing the study notes that this is one of the first "nonpartisan" studies to compare school, homeschooling, and unschooling, when as Wendy Priesnitz points out, an academic institution, using the tools and criteria of an academic institution, is reviewing academic institutions (like schools), it's hardly nonpartisan.

Of course, the author of the study also had to throw in a little comment about how structured homeschooling may provide academic success, but that school is an important place for socialization. I don't think I even need to add any comments to that one.

This study joins the many other studies showing that homeschoolers do better on standardized tests than do schooled kids, which isn't really surprising. And I don't personally feel that yet another study saying so adds anything to the home education movement as a whole. We already know that, and personally, I'm just tired of standardized tests being held up as the one and only sign of success for children and teens. Instead, I worry that, as flawed as the methods in this study are, it will add fuel to the fire of disapproval directed at unschoolers, both from society at large and from within the home education community.

And all of this just brings me back to a question that seems to keep coming up in my life lately: what, exactly, constitutes success? If you're using test scores as your criteria, then those 12 young unschoolers who participated in the study are failures. But if your criteria are different, if instead you're looking--actually looking, not just marking tests and studying at a distance--for things like passion, joy, involvement, curiosity, excitement, learning, then I'm quite sure your results are going to look very different.

And really, which one would you prefer?

Against the Current: Talk from the Toronto Unschooling Conference

2011-09-13T11:51:00.000-04:00

I just arrived home yesterday from the Toronto Unschooling Conference, which was a truly lovely weekend. Talking to lots of cool people, hanging out and just relaxing... And, of course, presenting a talk. Being the perfectionist that I am, I still have some feelings of oh, I should have written the talk sooner. I should have practiced it more. I should have spoken slower. But honestly? Overall I'm pretty happy with how it went!

It really is too long for a blog post, yet unlike last year's talk, I really don't feel like this one can be broken up into multiple posts. So, I shall simply post it all despite it's length, with a "read more" option so people who aren't interested don't have to scroll forever to get to older posts... So, here it is!

Against the Current

Introduction

WhenI was six, I went to a street fair with my mother. My little sister was probably there,too. There were booths, from differentcompanies and organizations, as there are at every street fair I’ve ever beento. One of them was about the meatindustry—it was probably PETA—and I think that’s the first time my young selfmade the connection between those furry and feathery creatures I so enjoyedspending time with, and the food on my plate. Right then and there, I decided I was no longer going to eat meat.

Idon’t even truly remember this incident. When I try and pull it up in my mind, all I get is the shadowyalmost-memory of a story told so many times, you can almost see yourself there. My mother is the one who always told me thisstory, until I got older and started repeating it myself to those who queriedme in-depth about my dietary choices.

Ididn’t stop eating meat right away. Asdetermined as I was at six, Chicken McNuggets and hot dogs proved too much of atemptation right up until I was eight and gave those up for good, too.

Butthe decision was made at six, the summer after my parents pulled me out ofkindergarten, and looking back now, I feel like that was probably the firstmajor decision I made in my life that went against the current. It seemed like everyone else ate meat, butthis was not something I wanted to participate in. This is yet another time when I’m so gratefulto have parents that supported such a decision, despite my young age.

Now,this isn’t meant as a morality tale. Though I still don’t eat meat, I’m not interested in convincing peopleto change their diets, and that’s definitely not the point of this speech.

It’sjust an interesting example of how making decisions counter to those of thedominant culture started early on in my life.

Justby virtue of unschooling, all of us here have made a radically different choicein how we live and learn than that of the mainstream. Whether you chose to never send your kids toschool, pulled them out later on, or decided yourself to leave school, it was ahuge decision, likely accompanied by much soul-searching and thought. Possibly also a large amount of reading andresearching and discussion. Maybe youjust followed what felt right. Butwhatever path lead you away from schooling, I’m sure the impact of that choicewas felt in a profound way.

Yetas big a thing as unschooling is in our lives, sometimes I think it isn’tapparent to others just how very many choices we’re making differently in ourday-to-day lives. Not only does theunschooled child answer with a shrug and a “why on earth should I know that??”look when asked what grade they’re in, the unschooled parent winces when theyhear a parent, as so often happens, threaten to leave their child (who is verymuch enjoying themselves sitting on the plastic pony in the mall) behind ifthey don’t come right now! Theunschooled parent likely doesn’t understand how parents can scold theirchildren for getting dirty, or rejoice at the beginning of each school year, orif they do understand, they shake their head sadly at their memories of a lessenlightened time.

Asan unschooling teen, one may make sympathetic noises when their friendscomplain about being grounded yet again, while secretly just not gettingit. Not allowed to go anywhere? Why would parents do that? And why are they listening, anyway? Can’t they just… walk out?

Thenthere are the news stories on TV about back-to-school, the article in the paperabout the importance of preschool in a child’s later “academic success”, theadvertisement on the bus shelter about the failure a person will be if theydon’t go to university…

Ina hundred different ways or more, day by day, the society around us is tellingunschoolers what they’re doing is wrong.

Andthat’s just unschooling. If you’ve alsomade other different and radical choices in how you live, if your views on manyother things are very different from the dominant culture, it gets even worse.

Sohow do you navigate in a world where you live so differently from those aroundyou? How do you find and maintaincommunity? How do you deal with theconstant pressure to conform to the edicts of the dominant culture? These are questions I think a lot about in myown life, and am continually attempting to answer.

Normalcy is for Squares

Mysister and I spend a lot of time together. We enjoy having really great discussions, sharing observations, jokes,and just generally being best friends. And a while back, I made some comment along the lines that I dresspretty normally, and my sister just looked at me and said “Idzie, you’veforgotten what normal is.”

Iregularly forget what normal is about more than just clothing. I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing ornot, but I think it does say something about where, and with whom, I spend mostof my time!

I’vebeen asked if I feel unschooling made, and makes, it harder for me to connectwith “regular” people, and I find that a difficult question to begin with, justbecause there are so many ways in which my views and lifestyle are, well, farfrom mainstream. It goes beyond justwhat could be covered under the label of unschooler.

Somepeople seem able to find common ground with every single person they comeacross, and I truly envy that skill. Because so often, with new acquaintances, I find myself running out ofanything to talk about very, very quickly. Being the unschooling, vegetarian, animistic, green-anarchist, feminist,hippie freak that I am, what’s on my radar tends to look pretty different thanthe things that feature most prominently in many other peoples lives.

Idon’t say this in any attempt to be special, or pretend that I’m unique inthese experiences. I’ve learned enoughat this point in my life to know that everyone, no matter how mainstream (ornot) they are, feels different and misunderstood at times. But it seems to me that most people, thosethat are following a path deemed appropriate by the dominant culture, have, atthe very least, a common base to draw upon. Whether they’re comfortable in conversation with people they know littleor not, at least they can talk about what courses they’re taking in college,crappy bosses at work, friction with parents…

Withme, and the people I tend to spend most of my time with, that’s not usually thecase. Instead, I’m left floundering,trying to find some common experience or interest, some point of connection.

Idon’t think it’s just unschooling, but I do think my views, and the way I liveand plan to live, make it hard to connect with people at times.

SoI suppose I’m grateful I regularly forget what normal is, because it means I’vefound people to spend time with whom I feel a real kinship: people who get me,and understand why I think and do what I do.

WhenI was a child, my family was involved in what home education community therewas near us. It wasn’t nearly as largeas it is now, and unlike the younger, larger, current home learning communityto be found in Montreal, which is very secular and quite relaxed, the communityto be found when I was young was largely conservatively religious and veryschool-at-home. While I found somecommon areas of interest—many families were quite crafty, for instance, andvery into spending time in nature—for the most part, the worldview of my familywas very different from the views of the other families involved in co-ops andscience clubs and other home learning activities.

Fast-forwarda few years, as I was entering my teens, and feeling more shy and introvertedthan ever. The few friends I had throughhome learning activities were going into high school, and I felt more lonelythan ever.

Imanaged okay for my first few years of teenage-hood. I just didn’t interact very much with otherpeople. I joined the Air Cadets just tohave more social interaction in my life, and the knowledge that I was un-cool,knowledge I’d already been pretty sure of before-hand, was quickly confirmed bythe fact that, despite being surrounded several days a week by a large group ofpeople, I continued to not make any real friends and to feel out of place.

AirCadets taught me quite a bit, and helped to shape many fledgling ideas andviews that had been lurking in the recesses of my brain for a while.

Youwon’t find anything about the learning I attribute to Cadets in any of theirpublicity material.

Ifeel like it’s almost a taboo thing with all school-free learners, includingunschoolers, to talk about being lonely or not fitting in. Such a common criticism from outsiders isschool-free learners won’t be “socialized,” and will instead be forever“socially awkward” and “unable to interact with others.” So we get used to touting the party line thatunschoolers have tons of friends, do tons of activities, never have any troubleinteracting with anyone, ever, etc.

When,that’s not really the case.

Someunschoolers do have tons of friends. Andthere’s nothing wrong with that. Someunschoolers are quite happy with only a few friends. There’s nothing wrong with that, either. Different people are happy with differentamounts of social stimulation, and more or less downtime. One of the many benefits of unschooling is apersons ability to choose how much time they want to spend out home orout-and-about; with family, or friends, or by themselves. And an individual’s ease with others, howwell they naturally deal with people, is not at all dependent on whether theygo to school or not. Neither is havingmore difficulty with people a horrible mark against you (or, should I say, itshouldn’t be). Social skills are justyet another skill that takes more work for some than others, like cooking oralgebra or mechanics. I’m very fed upwith hearing people talk about “social awkwardness” as if it’s the eighthdeadly sin. Unschooling gives people thespace to be who they are, and gain the skills needed to function in the worldat their own pace and in the ways that make them the most comfortable.

Andsometimes, unschoolers just have trouble making friends and fitting in.

Idid. And I really tried to benormal! I did all the things I thoughtyou were supposed to do, and still I felt out-of-place and unhappy. How do all the people around me manage this,I thought? What am I doing wrong?

Ofcourse, I came to a point of embracing who I am, following what I actuallythink and believe, not what those around me do, or what anyone tells me Ishould think and believe. I realizedthat the majority of people—though good at fitting in, and molding themselvesinto the image society tells them to fit—are not happy people.

Conformityin some ways might be the easier option—for those in school I think it’s oftena way to survive—but it’s not a fulfilling one.

Abig part of what lead me to these realizations was actually meeting otherpeople who were also going against the current. I met unschoolers, and my life changed.

That’show important finding community is.

Finding Community

Istarted getting enthusiastic about the idea of unschooling when I was 16 or 17,and I actually met other unschoolers in real life for the first time when I was17 and went to Not Back to School Camp. I think I expected everything to change instantly: that I’d magicallybecome more outgoing and make a ton of new friends in one fell swoop, and I wasa bit disappointed when that didn’t happen. But I did really like the atmosphere of camp, and I did make some new,tentative friendships. And as Icontinued to make my way into the unschooling community by going to a couple ofconferences with my mother and sister, and going to Not Back to School Campagain the next year, I started realizing that, slowly but surely, I was makingquite a few friends. I found myselfkeeping in touch with those friends, even though they lived far away, andgaining a hell of a lot of confidence along the way.

Ilearned that maybe I was someone worth being friends with, after all, and Ilearned that there were a lot of unschoolers I very much wanted to get to knowbetter.

Now,the unschooling community isn’t the only one I feel I need in my life: I wasrather surprised when I first started going to unschooling events by hownon-radical many unschoolers are. Iguess I’d assumed that because questioning the schooling system lead me toquestioning so much else, that that would be the experience of others, as well. And it is! Just not as many others as maybe I’d first thought. This isn’t meant in any way as a criticism,just an honest reflection of my thoughts. Regardless, the people I choose to surround myself with now areunschoolers, anarchists, radicals, queers, hippies, pagans, and other oddfolk. And I’m using “odd” here in themost complementary sense possible!

Everyonewill feel pulled to find different communities, but all of us do needcommunity.

It’sthe finding of it that can be difficult.

Now,I should make it clear what I’m actually talking about when I speak ofcommunity. I suppose, though the wordcommunity can encompass a huge range of things, I think of three primarymeanings. First, your physical,immediate community: your neighbors, the local events you attend, the peopleyou see around you daily. Secondly, acommunity composed of like-minded people that you specifically seek out: aneducation community, whether that means unschooling, homeschooling, school, orsomething else; people who share your political beliefs: people who share aspecific interest or passion; a religious or spiritual community… And thirdly, community based on personalidentity: sexual orientation, gender identity, racial identity, physicalability…

Everyonebelongs to multiple different communities, though because the world isn’tdivided neatly and sectioned off into separate areas, I’m sure most people’scommunities overlap and bleed into each other to some extent.

Thefirst type of community, that of the physical one, is probably the easiest tofind, though I imagine it’s also often the hardest to connect with: it’s peoplein that first category I have the hardest time dealing with!

Butwhat I want to discuss now is like-minded community, that oh-so-elusive, yetoh-so-important thing.

Iwish there was a road-map of sorts, or a guidebook, or something else that gaveneat instructions: How to Find and/or Build Meaningful Community in 10 EasySteps! But since there isn’t, we’re eachleft to figure things out for ourselves, to find the paths, through trial anderror, that work best, based on our own unique geographic locations,personalities, and circumstances.

SinceI found a more wide-spread unschooling community a few years ago—a communitythat I have so many terrific friends in, and that has had such a positiveimpact on my life—I find my focus shifting to the areas where community in myown life is still, I feel, lacking. Acommunity of those who hold similar radical political beliefs to me, and/or alocal community of like-minded folk.

AndI’m making serious progress. I’ve beeninvolved with the sometimes-active freedom-based education community inMontreal for a couple of years now. I’mcontinually meeting cool new people in my home city, and when I go to interestingworkshops and events, I find myself happily greeting multiple other attendees.

Aswith everything in life, I keep expecting results to be instant. But as with most things in life, thingsaren’t instant. Growth, be it personalor on a community level, happens slowly, through care and nurturing, reachingout and being open to new people and possibilities, overcoming obstacles andpersonal barriers.

Allmy personal communities are ever-growing, but as I learned this past springwhen I finally planted some veggies after years of wanting to, as excited as Iam about the shoots poking out of the ground, leaves unfurling, vines climbingand peas swelling, growth happens on it’s own schedule, and can’t be forced nomatter how much I wish otherwise.

Mother Culture

Whilehaving supportive community can help to alleviate it, the pressure to be doingthings a certain way, the Right Way, is still an ever-present demand of thedominant culture. In the form of lawsand policies, media and advertising, novels and your grandparentsconcerns. Ask anyone, and they’ll knowthe sequence of events we’re supposed to follow, from birth until death. Author Daniel Quinn calls this the voice ofMother Culture, and said in one of his books:

"Onceyou learn to discern the voice of Mother Culture humming in the background,telling her story over and over again to the people of your culture, you’llnever stop being conscious of it. Wherever you go for the rest of your life,you’ll be tempted to say to the people around you, ‘how can you listen to thisstuff and not recognize it for what it is?’”

I’vefound this to be true, and I’ve also found that recognizing and acknowledgingthe voice of Mother Culture is helpful. That voice—the one that tells us the way the world works, and how we’resupposed to function in it—is a very pervasive one. Yet I find identifying clearly for yourselfwhich voices originate from your own experiences and beliefs about the world,and which are messages you’ve absorbed from external sources, but don't trulybelong to you, can be very helpful. Itkeeps me mostly on the right path, that of following what I truly feel calledto be doing.

Buteven then, it’s hard.

All the should do’s and have-to-do’s, thedisapproving looks from strangers and family alike, skepticism from moremainstream friends, the constant barrage from all around you to conform, go tocollege, get a degree, get a good job…

Sometimes,I almost feel like giving up. To juststop fighting the current, and going with it, instead. Go to university, even though the thought ofsitting in a classroom for years makes me feel like running away and joiningthe circus, or something similarly irresponsible and wonderfullyspontaneous. To pretend all my values,all the things I know to be true, don’t exist, and just get the best paying jobI can find, regardless of it’s impact on others, the environment, or my ownwell-being.

Itold my sister once that it was a real fear of mine that that would happensomeday: that I’d just give up all my ideals, give up all my plans for living alife that feels truly fulfilling. Thatfighting would just become too much effort. She laughed at me, then gave me a hug. She doesn’t think that will ever happen. I hope she’s right.

Expectations of Greatness

Thedominant culture exerts plenty of pressure all right. But there’s another, different, subtlerpressure from an entirely different quarter.

Tobe a grown unschooler is to be held up as an example. “Look at them” unschooling parents say “theygrew up just fine. They can speak coherently, interact with other peoplewithout too much difficulty. They caneven write!” we get used to doing it toourselves, as well “look at me!” we say “I can do public speaking, and budgetmy money, and interact with others without too much difficulty. I can evenwrite!”

Ofcourse, in my own case, I suppose I brought a lot of it on myself, albeitinadvertently. Writing a blog that hasbecome so well-known has really put a spotlight on me, and I find myselfstanding here going “wait, what happened? Why are all these people listening to what I have to say? I’m just an Idzie who’s busy stumblingthrough life trying to figure shit out!”

I’dthink most of the pressure I feel is because of the fact I’ve made my life morepublic, were it not for the fact that my grown unschooled friends expressfeeling a similar pressure. When peoplein the general public regularly air “concerns” at how these uneducatedunschoolers will “turn out,” the unschooling community is quick to point outall of it’s members who have “turned out.”

Thisisn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’simportant for families just learning about unschooling to meet grownunschoolers I think. It’s important thatwe’re out there doing cool things while being open about the fact we’re unschoolers. And most of the time, it’s something I’mquite fine with in my own life!

Butat the same time, when you know that there are many eyes trained on you, it’seasy to become self-conscious, and start to be uncomfortable sharing anythingbad that happens in your life, any struggles, or, heaven forbid, failures, oranything that could be perceived as failure. Unschoolers, like everyone else, deal with difficulty getting a job,struggles with mental illness, getting a university application turned down,not knowing what they want to do with their life, or one of the many otherdifficulties that are often a part of life, no matter whether you went toschool or not. It’s hard to be openabout struggle when you know people are looking up to you as one of thesemythical Grown Unschoolers.

Iknow I’ve felt that acutely these last couple of years, as I’ve passed the ageof compulsory schooling, and am now expected to be an adult, and Do SomethingWith My Life! I’m 20, I live at home, Idon’t have a job and am not currently earning money, except for very occasionalpay for speaking, hosting a workshop, editing, or similar.

Ina culture where money is the ultimate judge of “success,” often I feel like afailure. I find myself thinking that I’ma bad example of unschooling, and regretting having put myself in such a publiclight. Yet, when I stop and think, Iknow this is Mother Culture speaking once again.

Whatis success? Who gets to decide it’sdefinition? And when I actually look atthose questions, I see things in a very different light. Success is best decided by the individual,and by the communities that that individual decides to identify and associatewith.

I’mnot a huge fan of the word “successful,” just because of it’s usualconnotations and associations, but when I think of what would make me happy,where I want to be headed in life right now, I think of being involved inactivist and freedom-based education and environmental work in a real andmeaningful way. I think of publishing abook about unschooling and freedom-based education. I think of helping to start an intentionalcommunity in the wilderness… I don’tthink of accumulating money: that might make me look “successful” to otherpeople, but if that were my main goal, I know I wouldn’t be very happy.

Dealing With the Here and Now

Whilemy goals, such as they are, are clear in at least a fairly big picture way, Idon’t know the details in how I’ll achieve them, and right now I just have towork with what I’ve got. Which meansthat I’ll probably be getting a part-time job this fall. Working in the kitchens at a restaurant,perhaps. Something temporary and notvery well-paying, but something I hopefully won’t hate too much. I know that I’m privileged in that my familyis middle class: lower middle class, yes, but still with the financial abilityto support their daughter past what’s usually considered high school age. But with insurance for me running out at mynext birthday, and with my wanting to continue visiting friends who live far away,travel to new places, and do other interesting things, money is a must. And I really feel like I need to be the onesupplying my own money in large part at this point.

Whenyou’re taking a well established route—college, followed by university, followedby a good career, etc.—the way may not be easy, but at least it’s clear. When your goals, the way you plan to live, isso very different from those accepted paths, you’re bushwhacking. There is no trail to follow, so like it ornot, you’re making your own!

Whilethere may have been too few people who’ve come before to leave an actual trailbehind, just knowing they exist, and hearing their stories, does give me hopeand confidence that what I want for my own life is attainable.

Becausethe tough bit lies in that: attaining it. How do you live by your ideals in a culture that’s not just indifferent,but in many cases built in direct opposition to the ways in which you want tobe living? How do you turn dreams andvague plans into reality?

I’mstill busy figuring that out, as are many of my friends in their 20’s. I’m just grateful that I know people who aresharing in a similar dilemma, so that we can cheer each other on, share ourtriumphs and setbacks, and work together to build the lives we really want tobe living.

Conclusion

Lestit seem from this that I'm dissatisfied with my education and the way I grewup, I want to make it clear that that's definitely not the case. Unschooling gave me the space to grow into aperson more confident than I ever imagined I could be in my younger years. I can't imagine having lived any differently,and I don't have regrets. Regrets to meare useless, and if I'm happy with the person I am now, and if everything thathas happened in my life, all of my experiences, went into shaping my self andoutlook, then I can't really wish that anything had gone differently.

YetI suppose unschooling has left me in a rather difficult position in thissociety: that of not being willing to settle for less than happiness in mylife. In some ways, school is almost a12 year long lesson in settling for less, just taking things as they are. And when I think about it, I wonder if that'sone of the things most commonly shared by grown unschoolers: a desire tocontinue unschooling throughout life, in spirit at the very least, whether ornot they decide that school will be a part of their lives. I'm not sure all of us succeed in this: thepull to conform, as we've already established, is strong. But, the desire to live the dream is there:the knowledge that, however difficult they are, other ways of living arepossible..

Sowhere does that leave me? A youngidealist who grew up with so much more freedom than most other children arelucky enough to experience, with a strong desire to continue living in asimilar way, and to help create a world where that freedom is commonplace foreveryone.

Ihave community to lean on when I need to, and I'm just hoping I'm able to livein the ways I know will be best for me, and hopefully for the community andworld surrounding me as well. Only timewill tell if I can actually manage it.

Interviewed on The Unschooler Experiment Podcast #14: Not Alone in the Woods

2011-08-09T18:27:00.000-04:00

Not too long ago I had a very nice conversation with Peter Kowalke, creator of the Grown Without Schooling documentary, writer/editor of the blog The Unschooler Experiment, and producer of a podcast of the same name. And now that conversation is featured in The Unschooler Experiment Podcast #14: Not Alone in the Woods. Listen by clicking the link just provided, or the below photo.

As usual when I do any type of interview, I always start thinking, as soon as I've finished, of all the things I wish I'd said differently. However, I genuinely enjoyed this conversation, so I think that's probably a good sign! Let me know what you think.

The Ignorant Commenters Strike Again: "But You Have to Learn to Get Along With People You Don't Like!"

2011-08-09T15:40:00.000-04:00

"But you have to learn to get along with people you don't like!" Says yet another commenter on the latest mainstream media piece on unschooling (and Sudbury Valley Schools, in this case).

I'm baffled by just how nonsensical (to borrow one of my sister's favorite words) the reactions people have on first hearing about unschooling often are, but this might just be one of the most baffling. Because it seems to imply that unschoolers never see any people. Ever. School is obviously the only place where children and teens can find and interact with other human beings. Obviously.

The people who make such statements must believe the above. Otherwise, how could they possibly think that I, or other unschoolers, never meet (or met) people we don't like?

I can think of plenty of people I don't get along with, or don't particularly like. The kid who used to be one of my sister's best friends. The guy who derails the conversation at every workshop he attends. Multiple people I had to work with when I went to Cadets. Various extended family members. Hell, a few people I've met at Not Back to School Camp and conferences!

Sadly, life is filled with people who, to put it bluntly, are assholes. People who treat others poorly. Bullies. People who don't seem to realize that working respectfully with others is even an option. You can (and will) definitely find those people in school. But, even if you never set foot in a school, you'll still find those people. The whole thing with living and learning in the real world is that, well, you tend to run into the things commonly found in, you know, the real world.

All sarcasm aside, people definitely do need to learn how to work with people whom you don't particularly get along with, but you definitely don't need a special place to do that. You just need to live.

Now, I also think it's important to note that what I'm talking about is just "not getting along," or not particularly liking someone. Dealing with low-grade assholes. I wonder if some of the people who question whether unschoolers will ever learn to get along with people they don't like, are actually just making a softer statement to the effect that Kids Need to be Bullied to Get Tough. 'Cause that's a whole different issue!

And it probably won't surprise anyone when I say that abuse, no matter what form it takes, is never something hat should be considered "good" or "character building." Just picture me saying NO in the most forceful possible way.

Comments on internet articles are often a toxic place to read, but they can be useful (they've sparked many posts before, for instance!) in seeing what a lot of people actually think, and can be used to call out ignorance and bigotry, and share some actual truth and experience instead.

I feel like I've said most of what I say in this post before, but I've decided to take hold of any spark of blog-writing inspiration that comes along, and to let go of an attempt at perfection, because otherwise, i won't end up writing anything at all!

So there you have it. And now I'm wondering what you thought of the latest mainstream article on unschooling and Sudbury schools? Did you read the comments, and if so, did any thoughts or posts (share the link!) stem from doing so?

Sudbury: the Unschooling Schools, a Guest Post by Bruce L. Smith

2011-08-06T15:18:00.003-04:00

I've wanted to share some guest posts on freeschooling and democratic schools on this blog for a while now, and with the recent article on CNN talking about both unschooling and Sudbury schools, this article seems particularly relevant! So I am very happy to present to you Bruce L. Smith on the Sudbury model schools:

After a few years’ teaching in the public schools of Columbia, Missouri, Bruce L. Smith left to find his true calling as an advocate for the Sudbury model of education. Bruce has founded and/or worked for Sudbury schools in Illinois, Florida, and Colorado, where he’s been on staff at Alpine Valley School since 1998. In 2005 he created the Center for Advancing Sudbury Education to promote the visibility and viability of this uniquely empowering form of schooling. More of Bruce’s writings on the subject can be found at http://www.alpinevalleyschool.com/blog and http://news.change.org/authors/bruce-smith.

I’ve known about unschooling for a long time, and I’ve long been struck by its resonance with the Sudbury model of education. For the past fourteen years I’ve worked for these “unschooling schools,” so when Idzie called for guest posts on the subject, I was excited at the chance to share my views on our respective approaches to self-directed learning.

The Sudbury model was first unveiled in 1968 by Sudbury Valley School in west suburban Boston. Since then it’s spread to a few dozen schools (about two-thirds of them in North America), all based on two simple premises: first, that children are innately, powerfully curious, driven to understand and master the world around them; and second, that the best education recognizes and respects this basic truth, allowing all young people the freedom and responsibility to discover their individual paths.

While a number of schools talk this talk, I find Sudbury unusually thorough in also walking the walk. As with unschoolers, Sudbury students freely chart the course of their days, months, and years. There’s no hierarchy of pursuits (e.g., academic vs. hands-on), and all learning happens organically—self-initiated, self-directed, and self-evaluated. Classes and other structured learning situations (e.g., internships) do have a place at Sudbury schools, but only as students seek them out. The bulk of learning at Sudbury schools comes in the course of daily life, and much of it takes the form of play and conversation.

In fact, the philosophical similarities between unschooling and Sudbury schooling are so extensive, I’ve often borrowed from the thoughts of unschoolers to help assure families that trusting their children’s drive is not only valid, but leads to the most effective learning. And that in turn reminds me that unschoolers and Sudbury families have this in common as well: many of our relatives, friends, and acquaintances think we’re crazy and/or putting our children at risk. So sharing our successes—concrete reminders, large and small, of how (and how well) freedom works—seems like one big favor we could do for each other.

Beyond their faith in young people’s nature and competence, what really makes Sudbury schools unique is that their structure is determined by the people directly involved. That is, everything from the rules to the budget to hiring is shaped by a democratic process in which a student’s vote is equal to that of any adult. This structure is flexible—within each Sudbury school, and among the various schools—and changes can be made at any time.

So how do Sudbury schools act like schools? Well, first of all, we do have these physical facilities where students gather on a daily basis. Attendance requirements are partly a legal matter, partly a means of ensuring continuity in the school community. Yet as I’ve suggested, there is significant flexibility here: at my school, for instance, students can arrive anywhere between 8 and 11am, and are required to stay only five hours (though our school is open nine hours, and many students stay past the minimum). With an Open Campus policy, most Sudbury students can come and go freely throughout the day, so long as they fulfill their commitments at school.

And these commitments are fairly modest. A Judicial Committee meets regularly to handle complaints about people’s behavior, and people are expected to serve turns on the committee and testify as needed. Also, Sudbury students are typically expected to do periodic cleaning chores. School governance is overseen by a weekly meeting that reviews the work of the Judicial Committee and considers proposals regarding rules and activities that could affect the normal flow of the day (e.g., field trips, parties, visitors). Then there are clerks and committees to whom much of the school’s business is delegated, along with certification (aimed at ensuring safe, responsible use of school equipment) and age-mixing (Sudbury schools are open to ages roughly corresponding to grades K-12).

In this environment, students not only learn to take responsibility for their own education: they also see what it takes to maintain an institution—though much of that organizational learning is optional. Students can attend School Meeting, serve on committees, and become clerks…or not. They’re expected to abide by the decisions of these bodies and officials, but their involvement is not required. Again, attendance, Judicial Committee, and chores are the only mandatory activities—and even here, students can work to change the relevant policies and requirements. Beyond these areas, students are free to do their own thing, so long as they respect everyone else’s right to do likewise.

In addition to all the freedom and flexibility, Sudbury schools also provide an ongoing, mixed-age community in which young people share responsibility for maintaining a culture of respect. Having such a space outside the family sphere gives our students the benefits of a diverse and vibrant “home away from home,” stretching them to try new things, new ways of thinking and being. In this dynamic, Sudbury students develop superlative interpersonal skills. There are constant opportunities to assess and regulate one’s behavior, and to work with people with whom one doesn’t already have a familial bond. Shy kids learn to speak up for themselves; overly assertive kids learn when and how to hold back. All eventually come into their own in the most thrilling ways imaginable.

Indeed, Sudbury schools foster a greater degree of autonomy and personal strength than I’ve seen anywhere else. These are indispensable qualities, since we all know that learning is not simply about pursuing our passions, but also figuring out how to realize those passions in contexts where people are not predisposed to assist us. Not all learning is sought: some is presented to us in the form of interruptions or obstacles—the people we don’t like or don’t get along with, but with whom we must co-exist; the hoops we must jump through to get what we want; things we’d rather put off indefinitely, but which must be done or learned before we can get where we’re going.

Bottom line, the Sudbury model is easily the most empowering form of education I’ve experienced in two decades as an educator: our students exhibit a maturity far beyond their years, while retaining the best child-like qualities. Articulate and self-possessed, they exemplify confidence and playfulness. Full of enthusiasm and free from fear, they are remarkably adept at knowing and becoming who they are, identifying and achieving their goals.

It is a good, good thing to celebrate the commonality and the diversity of our beliefs and practices. Unschoolers and Sudbury families alike face a status quo that seeks to invalidate us and make it unnecessarily difficult for us to follow our hearts. Getting to know each other’s approach better, sharing our ideas and success stories, and working to build acceptance for what we do can only help as we lay the groundwork for a future in which all children are truly free.

Insecurities and an Anniversary: Three Years Blogging and Writing from the Heart

2011-07-07T13:58:00.001-04:00

So, I haven't been writing here much lately. Actually, it's been a month since I wrote anything at all! Part of that reason was the Summer Montreal Unschoolers Gathering (which was really wonderful. I'd write a post about it except I didn't take any pictures, and just words seems like it would be boring...). But most of the reasons I haven't been writing here lately are the same reasons I haven't been writing all that much in the last several months: writers block, not being able to find topics that really catch my fancy, trying to focus on things not related to computers... And largely, not feeling able to talk about what I'm feeling on this blog.

I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. celebrated it's third birthday yesterday (though there wasn't much celebrating since I didn't realize until today that yesterday was the third anniversary of this blog!). When I started writing it, I had a vague idea that I wanted to prove to both myself, and whatever rare reader stumbled across my blog, that unschoolers really do learn things all the time. That unschooling really "works." But as I grew more confident in unschooling, and as my writing/blogging skills improved, I started to focus less on my-unschooling-life-as-it-happens, and more on the philosophy of unschooling, using my life to illustrate the points I was trying to make. I enjoyed (and still enjoy) writing that type of post. Apparently, so do other people! I started, as most blogs do, with virtually no readers (family doesn't count). And now, three years later, just through Blogger's follower tracker (which only counts people who have a Blogger account and choose to follow this blog through their account) I have nearly 430 followers. This blog's Facebook page has over 1,800 fans. This blog has gotten big! And through blogging, I'm speaking at a conference again this fall (possibly two, as I've been invited to a vague conference that may or may not be happening in Montreal, as well), am recognized by name at most education things I go to, and have been asked (though whether I say yes or not depends on a lot of things) for film, radio, article, and blog post interviews.

I was really excited for awhile about all that. To a lesser extent, I still am! But I've realized there's a huge downside.

Many people seem to look at me now as a Voice Of Unschooling, and I find myself thinking, did I do that? I guess I did, though I didn't really realize what I was doing. I like sharing my unschooling experiences, so that's what I've been doing for the last three years, but I guess I just never knew it would get so big.

Because now I feel like there's a lot of pressure. As a Voice Of Unschooling, not only am I expected to say smart things, and the things I say are often taken very seriously, but my voice is taken as speaking for all unschoolers. Not always, of course, but it feels like it often enough to make me uncomfortable. I don't speak for all unschoolers. I just speak from the perspective of an Idzie! And yes, my perspective is based on actual experience: it's valid, and thought out. But it's still mine, not any one groups'.

So it's hard to write about what's really on my mind right now (or the things that have been on my mind since last fall, really), because the things that are are on my mind are both deeply personal, and I'm afraid would reflect badly on unschooling.

Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it: I don't think, especially right now, that my life is a good example of unschooling. I feel like I've somehow put myself on this pedestal, with lots of people looking up at me, and I'm just going what? How did this happen? I'm not the person you think I am!! I'm insecure, I deal with a lot of self-hatred, I'm not earning any money (did you hear that?? I'm 20 and I'm still living off of my parents! Doesn't that make me a failure at life??), I really, really don't know what to do with myself...

And it would be different if this blog still had a smaller readership (not that I'm complaining: I still am proud of what I've accomplished in regards to this blog, and honored that so many people want to read it). When fewer people read this blog, I knew that pretty much all of them were supportive. But now? I know I could get some comments that, in the state I've been in for much of the past months, I wouldn't be well equipped to handle. And there's this huge pressure--knowing that people look to this site for information when writing articles on unschooling, or send the link to the disapproving grandparents--that they'll see my insecurities and failures, and go "oh, grown unschoolers are insecure failures!" (because you know that everyone blames unschooling).

Which is one of the main reasons I've been writing so little on this blog lately. And it's also why this post had to be written. Because to me, writing has always been about honest expression: I'm not happy unless what I'm writing feels genuine. So, I am putting a few of my worries out there to be seen and possibly judged, because I want this blog, no matter how big it gets, to be an honest expression of what I'm thinking and feeling, in regards to education and my life in general.

But, I still don't think I'm going to be writing all that much in the coming days. Please be patient as I sort out my life.

Teenage Rebellion: An Unschooling, Respectfully Parented Perspective

2011-06-09T21:12:00.000-04:00

There seems to be the almost universal belief among North American parents (I'm sure this is a phenomena found elsewhere as well, but I'm just talking about what I've personally seen) that their kids, whether these are theoretical future children or actual kids, and whether they have yet to reach their teen years or not, will hate or at the very least dislike them. Teenagers hate their parents: everyone knows that.

My mother has told me that when my sister and I were small, she used to say to my father that he had to take over primary parental duties once we hit our teen years. She's told me that she loved being a parent, and loved spending time with us, right from the get-go, but being surrounded by warnings of "wait until they become teenagers!" she always thought that would change when we got older.

Out for a Fall walk in 2008. We so obviously hate each other.

I suppose it's actually a very reasonable belief that your teens will dislike you: after all, most teens I know and have known do dislike their parents! What isn't true though is that that dislike is inevitable.

The dreaded teenage years came in my family, and likely to my parents surprise, nothing horrible happened. I mean, problems came up in day to day life, for sure, but looking back, I actually think that in terms of parent-child relationships and issues over "discipline" type stuff the teen years were (and are, as my sister is still a teen) smoother than when we were younger. I attribute this to the fact that it was a constant progress over the years from more traditional parenting to more respectful parenting (which mirrored our transition from relaxed homeschoolers to unschoolers).

Though there are definitely unschooling parents/teens who don't have very good relationships with their teens/parents, it seems that the majority of unschoolers really and truly do. Which to me, is a wonderful thing to see. And I believe the reason for that is actually pretty simple.

When the subject of "teenage rebellion" comes up now, my mother is fond of saying "why would you rebel, since there wasn't really anything to rebel against?"

Now, I think there is an important distinction to be made here: some parents proudly brag about how their teens aren't "rebellious," and what they really mean is that their children are obedient to their parents wishes (or, possibly more likely, are simply very good at hiding the aspects of their life that their parents would disapprove of). When I say that most unschoolers I know, myself included, don't or didn't "rebel" against our parents in our teen years, I don't mean it's because we fit the perfect-child model of some narrow-minded authoritarian-parenting suburbanite.

While I've never been very big into alcohol or drugs, I definitely drank long before the legal drinking age (though admittedly the whole culture in my home province of Quebec is very different from the rest of North America, in that virtually everyone drinks at least some amount from the time they hit their teens, with the parents knowledge). My sister, who turns 18 (legal drinking age in Quebec) this summer, has been going to bars since she was 15 or 16, with my parents knowledge (again, very common practice in Montreal). Both my sister and I have been openly anti-state, anti-hierarchy, and anti-authority for years. I've dyed my hair unusual colours, shaved the sides of my head, and worn clothes throughout my teen years that plenty of parents I know would have disapproved of. Sometimes we stay out late into the night. We've been known to participate in Pagan religious rituals. We swear frequently. We hang out with people who are big into drugs. If all those things were listed entirely out of context, it would probably sound like we were the people that many parents warn their kids about (then again, for all I know, parents have warned their kids about us...)!

This was taken last summer, but I still have the same haircut (though I need to shave the sides again).

So why do we get along so well with our parents? It's pretty simple: control. Or, more accurately, the lack of control.

Think of the things that most commonly cause friction between teens and their parents: breaking curfew, bad marks in school, skipping school, using drugs, subscribing to different religious and political views than their parents, disobeying parents...

Compare this to a respectful unschooling parent: no school, no marks, no curfews, no orders, and a belief that teens are entitled to their own beliefs.

I want to make it clear though that being a respectful parent doesn't mean agreeing with or approving of everything your teen does: it just means accepting and not attempting to control what they do. Thus a parent that's strongly anti-drugs of all types might share all their opinions on the issue with their teens, give them information on why they believe what they do, etc. Yet despite that, they wouldn't ground, punish, or shame their teen if they came home high. In a mutually respectful relationship, teens are far more likely to genuinely take their parents opinions into account when deciding what they want to do, but teens are still their own complete and autonomous people, and will make the choices they deem best for themselves in the end.

My mum, sis and I all attend this event, and my father cheerfully lets me tell him all about it.

Parents in general, from the most to least mainstream out there, all seem to frequently express a wish that their children communicate with them and be honest with them. Yet what the more authoritarian and punitive parents seem oblivious too is that no one is going to be honest with someone else if they know that by being honest, they're opening themselves up to be yelled at, punished, shamed, or treated with anything less than respect. Those parents also don't seem to realize that good communication has to work both ways: parents can't expect their children to spill all the secrets of their lives, all their important thoughts and deeds, to someone who thinks their own personal life is none of their kids business.

I also want to make it clear that I don't, and didn't when I was still in my teens (having just turned 20 a couple of months ago, I still have trouble remembering I'm no longer a teen!), tell my parents everything. I'm my own person, with my own life, and some things stay private. Sometimes because it's something very personal, or a secret not mine to share, and sometimes it's because I know it would worry or upset them to know something. Yes, occasionally I keep things (and have kept things in the past) I know my parents would disapprove of away from them, not because of any fear that I would "get in trouble" or anything like that, but simply because I don't want them upset or worried about things they ultimately have no control over.

My (and my sister's) relationship with my parents is really good. We talk to each other about everything from how we've been feeling, what we've been doing, interesting links online or news stories, what our friends are up to... We don't stray away from subjects such as drug use and other illegal activity. I'll cheerfully announce that a friend is taking up graffiti, and Emi will call to say she's headed out to a bar after band practice, so expect her home late. I've never worried about coming home smelling like weed. And because of the relationship we have, my sister and I have never hesitated to get our parents help when we're worried about a friend doing hard drugs, and we'd never hesitate to call instead of driving home with someone who's drunk.

I'm incredibly grateful for the relationship I have with my parents, and that my parents are the people that they are.

So in conclusion, here are my very inexpert opinions on what makes a good parent-teen bond: respect, honesty, communication, and a lack of coercion and control. Basically? Treating each other like full and complete human beings, with different desires, beliefs, aspirations, and experiences. It's such a simple concept: don't be your teen's enforcer, be their partner. And if more parents acted this way? Well, then I think we'd start seeing a hell of a lot less of this "teen rebellion" thing!

A Parental Right?

2011-05-31T14:09:00.001-04:00

Whenever I hear people saying things like "Unschooling obviously wouldn't work for everyone, but parents should have a right to choose what's best for their kids," or one of the hundred other variants on that same sentiment, I always feeling a niggling sense of unease. It's never a statement I've agreed with. But until recently, I wasn't entirely sure why it bothered me! I mean, there's the obvious in that I believe unschooling can work for anyone, as unschooling is really free choice in education, so a child could choose something very structured, like their parent teaching them with a curriculum or going to school. But there was something more than that bothering me, and I only realized yesterday what it was.

That type of statement puts the focus on parental rights. "It's a parents right to educate their children however they choose!"

But to me? Unschooling isn't about parental rights. It's about children's rights. A childs right to choose their own path in life, with the support and assistance of parental or other care-giving figures in their life.

Me and my sister, playing on the beach. (I needed a picture of kids, so why not one of my sis and I?)

In a society where children are truly an oppressed class, denied the rights given to older people, I suppose it shouldn't be surprising that something I see as potentially majorly liberating for children, the right to take control of their own education, is couched as being a parental right instead. For sure, I think it's important for parents to have the right to make decisions about their children's care, instead of the government or other powerful institutions, but in talking about a "parents right to unschool," I feel like we're taking away the power, in words at the very least, and words to a large extent shape thoughts, from the children themselves. And that's definitely not something I think anyone should be doing.

Am I, once again, just quibbling over small details in the language used? Perhaps. But when something unsettles me, even if it seems like just a small something, I feel it's important to examine why, and I often just like working out or sharing my reasoning here on the blog!

Trips and Ukuleles and Anarchists, Oh My!

2011-05-27T20:08:00.001-04:00

I do believe this marks the longest time I've gone without blogging since I started this blog almost three years ago. Part of me feels like I should apologize, but a much bigger part of me is down with the whole blogging without obligation idea, and even more importantly, realizes that I've been mentally/emotionally not really able to blog. I just haven't been in the right head-space. I've been dealing with some pretty high levels of anxiety and stress, and have felt a strong need to retreat from more public areas of expression and instead focus on spending time with friends, meeting new people in real life, and otherwise trying to maintain and build my community. I'm not sure what most of the things I want and need to change in my life are, though I'm well aware that some changes need to be made, but I do know that having a strong community and network of friends is one of them.

So now that you know a bit about how I've been feeling, I figured I'd update you on what I've been doing since last I posted anything here.

Near the beginning of this month, my sister and I went to a small NBTSC gathering in New York state. A friend swung a few hours out of her way to pick me and my sister up, and we had a nice little roadtrip through the mountains to a small and really lovely town. There we stayed, with a handful of other people, at the house of the friends who were hosting us. And what a lovely house it is! Which for me, someone who absolutely ADORES old buildings, was quite a big plus. (I didn't take many pictures, so I'm afraid the few I have aren't so hot)

A skatter of instruments and luggage.


I think this shot is "atmospheric," but some might say it's just "dark."

How come new houses don't have awesomely long hallways?

Emi has a ukulele!

Part way through the gathering, Emi picked up a ukulele, and asked her friends to teach her some chords. Then she proceeded to not put down a ukulele for the rest of the time we were there (except for brief breaks to use the bathroom and sleep)! In three days, she went from having never played a stringed instrument to knowing several songs on the uke well enough that she could sing along with them as she played! I'd say that's passion driven learning at it's best, and yet another example that passion driven learning is the best kind there is.

On the day we left we stopped at a music store, and Emi picked out and bought her own ukulele before we headed out of town, so we were serenaded frequently on our drive home.

Her playing has become less frequent in the couple of weeks since we got home, but we'll still hear the sweet sound of the ukulele at least once a day, so it seems to have become a real part of daily life. So I decided to record her playing, and singing, one of my favorite songs in her repetoire, Over The Rainbow:

Over the Rainbow on ukulele from Idzie Desmarais on Vimeo.

Now, a few years ago I heard about Couchsurfing.org (at my first year of Not Back to School Camp, I believe), a website that is "a worldwide network for making connections between travelers and the local communities they visit." Things I love about this site is the sheer size of the network it provides (it's the biggest and best known site of it's kind), the fact there are multiple safety thingies built into the site, and the fact that it's free. As in, the hosts don't charge their guests, just offer a spare bed, futon, couch, or floor space to travelers because they WANT to meet cool people from all over the world! I also really like that you don't set up an account as *either* a host or surfer, and that most people on the site seem to both host and surf. So anyway, I think the idea is really cool, so I got an account as soon as I was able to, which was at 18 (I could have just lied about age as everyone does on most sites, of course, but since there's real life verification stuff involved, and I wasn't planning any couchsurfing adventures just then, I figured I'd just wait!). But then for a while, it just sat there. The traveling I was doing was to conferences and the houses of people I already knew, and no one contacted me through CS about surfing, so I pretty much forgot about it. But in the new year, I actually started getting contacted by people through the site, though not many and nothing worked out, until something did work out and we had our first couchsurfer here for the Montreal Anarchist Bookfair, which was just this past weekend!

I find it really cool that though she found me through couchsurfing, she's a former unschooler and NBTSCer (Not Back to School Camper), so we already had friends in common! We hit it off really well, and for the five days she was here, I had a great time. We wandered the city, helped set up for the bookfair, ate yummy food, chattered through long bus rides, hung out at the bookfair a bunch, met lots of cool people, bought some cool shit, lay around in the sun, went to a seriously awesome punk show... Photos would probably make things look more interesting, but I have none. Anyway, a very good time was had, which is good, because I was really looking forward to the bookfair this year, and also really looking forward to my first couchsurfing hosting experience, so it's lovely that everything actually met my expectations (which doesn't happen as often as I'd like)!

Sadly, after that week of partying (around people bringing germs from all over the continent, no less), I got sick. So I've had a sore throat for a few days now. Seems to be getting better, but even just a few days of not being able to talk are hard for my chatterbox self! I think that's what finally spurred me to actually write a post, really: if I can't use my voice, I'm forced to "talk" in other ways! Even then, this post took me three days to finish. Like I said, I haven't been able to easily write publicly lately. Right now, I feel like I might be ready to write a bit more on this blog again, but I'm not sure whether that feeling will change or not. Lately, hell, for months really, I seem to be swinging between "yay I love my friends, I love the world, life is great!" and "everything sucks, I really suck, I can't handle anything except basic hygiene, maybe a bit of time with people, and reading fantasy novels." So I suppose time will tell...

I hope all my readers are doing well, and I want to let you guys know how much I appreciate you all, the support you've provided over the years I've been writing this blog, and the fact you stick around even when I go long periods without writing much or at all!

The Summer Montreal Unschoolers Gathering (SMUG) is coming up!

2011-04-25T14:14:00.000-04:00

When: Friday June 24 to Thursday June 30, 2011

Where: Camp Tamaracouta, in Mille Isles, Quebec (a bit over an hour from Montreal)

What: This is a gathering of unschoolers (kids, teens, young adults, adults: aka, this is an event for all ages!), where we can laugh and play and have long discussions and take hikes and hang out in the beautiful city of Montreal! This is not a conference. There will not be speakers. There will, however, be as many planned activities as the attendees want to organize, which can be anything from round table discussions, to crafts, games, and potluck dinners.

This is the second annual Summer Montreal Unschoolers Gathering (SMUG). Last year was a huge success, with around 70 people, all of whom seemed to have a great time! I know that my family is really looking forward to having as wonderful a gathering this year, and I hope you can join us in helping to make that happen!

To find out more about this summer's gathering, get updates, and connect with other potential attendees, join the SMUG Yahoo! Group, check out the SMUG website (to be updated shortly), and RSVP to the Facebook event.

We look forward to seeing you there!

Sincerely,

Debbie Smart and Idzie Desmarais

Co-organizers

Open.eyed.slave@gmail.com

Interviewing Kelly Hogaboom, Unschooling Parent and Writer

2011-04-20T14:33:00.000-04:00

For my second ever podcast, I interviewed Kelly Hogaboom, a "lady, writer, mother, wife, sister, daughter, stitcher, and subscription-service black market restauranteur living in wet and green Hoquiam, Washington State, the United States." She's also a blogger, unschooling/life learning parent, and all-round very cool person, as well as being someone with LOTS of interesting and eye-opening things to say (about unschooling, adultism, feminism, parenting, consensual living, and a variety of other subjects). It was really great talking to her! And you can listen to the conversation we had right here:

Listen to internet radio with idzie on Blog Talk Radio

Or by going here. (Notice that there's the option to "play in your default player." I know that on my rather difficult computer, that's the only option that works properly! Just wanted to let you know, in case your computer is difficult as well...)

Links to Kelly's sites and Twitter: kelly.hogaboom.org, underbellie.com, @kellyhogaboom, and @underbellie.

The interview with me and my mother that Kelly mentions: La Rééducation: An Unschooling Interview with a Mother and Daughter

Naomi Aldort on How Children Learn Manners

And I do believe that's all the links I can remember being mentioned! However, it's quite likely I forgot some. If you notice any ones mentioned in the podcast but missing here in this post, please let me know and I'll add them!

This is a new project, and one I want to improve, so comments, questions, suggestions, are much appreciated!

La Rééducation: An Unschooling Interview with a Mother and Daughter

2011-04-14T15:48:00.000-04:00

An episode of La Rééducation, a Quebec web-series on education, featuring an interview my mother and I did last April, is now out!

The first few minutes are of my friend Marike (unschooling mother and one of two people behind the freeschool starting up in Montreal), in French, and our interview starts, in English, at 3:44.

I find it interesting seeing this now, a year after it was recorded, as my answers to Mathieu's (the guy who put together this series) questions, the things I emphasized, would definitely be different were a similar interview to be conducted now. Some of my opinions on unschooling have definitely changed (though nothing specifically mentioned in this video), I no longer really differentiate between unschooling and radical unschooling when I'm talking about it, and similar things... Regardless, I'm pretty happy with what my mum and I had to say (mostly me... Sorry for hogging the interview, mom!).

La Rééducation and La Déséducation (part 2 and 1 of this series, respectively) are currently only available in French, but a translation is in the works, and soon they'll be available in English as well! It's a very interesting look at education in Quebec, it's problems, peoples opinions on it, and some marvelous solutions...

Podcast: A Conversation Between Grown Unschooled Siblings

2011-04-09T17:17:00.001-04:00

I've been wanting to try making podcasts for a while now. And guess what? I finally did! In this first episode of a podcast series that may, possibly, be called Unschoolers Are Us (I really haven't decided on a definite name yet), Emi joins me, and we talk about our unschooling experience. So I am very happy to present you with the first episode:

Listen to internet radio with idzie on Blog Talk Radio

You can also listen to it at the following link: A Conversation Between Grown Unschooled Siblings

My vision for this podcast is for it to be a series of interesting interviews/discussions with unschoolers of all ages, as well as other people with interesting things to say about freedom-based and alternative education. I'll keep everyone up to date on any developments/future episodes!

If you like this idea, you may also want to check out Radio Free School and The Unschooler Experiment, both of which post very interesting podcasts.

Comments, questions, suggestions, on this very exciting (at least to me) project are very welcome!! (Also, apparently the site I'm using at the moment [I'm thinking I'll probably try to find something better at some point] inserts adds into archived episodes, so know if you encounter any, I haven't added them deliberately, and as long as I use BlogTalkRadio there's nothing I can do about it.)

Why is Unschooling so Fringe?

2011-03-29T20:55:00.001-04:00

Being both slightly bored and having an urge to write, I asked people on Tumblr and Twitter to ask me questions, and Kelly kindly obliged with this one! My answer is what follows.

Why do you think unschooling/life learning is so fringe? That is, only about 2.5% of American kids are out of school, and of that percentage, many are traditionally-homeschooled (with curriculum, schedules, etc.). In your opinion, what accounts for so few parents raising their children this way?

I think there are several reasons why unschooling is very much on the fringes. Also feel free to share your own opinions in the comments, as I think this is a really interesting question to think about and discuss! Now onto some possible reasons:

Though not the most influential reason, I think that simply because it's so little known unschooling remains on the fringes. School is such an huge part of our culture that most people don't even realize that there are options other than school: for most, it's never even a question. You have kids, you send them to school. End of story.
People seem to believe somehow that, not so much that this is as good as it gets, but that this is as good as people can do at this point in time. I feel like there's this pervasive idea in our society that this civilization is the pinnacle of human existence: that things have progressed neatly from horrible to steadily better throughout human existence, and thus wherever we are now in every aspect of this culture must be the best thing we've ever seen. Thus, any other alternatives touted as more natural, more authentic, or imitating a way of living that has been successful in the far past is seen as going backwards: the opposite of "progress," which our culture so highly values.
It's scary. I think that's absolutely the biggest reason. People are positively terrified of being thought strange, of not fitting in, of being an outsider. To do anything radical is scary as hell, and most people simply aren't willing or able to overcome that fear. 'Cause the thing is, doing anything radical or fringe does make you an outsider to at least some extent (to what extent depends a lot on a multitude of factors). And the only way something becomes not-fringe is if enough people are brave enough to be on the fringes in the first place... It's a vicious circle!

There are many other reasons, I'm sure, but I think I'll leave it there for now... I'm curious, why do you think unschooling is on the fringes?

Why I Use "Labels"

2011-03-28T16:14:00.000-04:00

As my blog description line so loudly (if blog description lines can be loud, that is) proclaims, I am an unschooling vegetarian animistic green-anarchist (a lot of people were interpreting "green anarchist" as two separate things: that I was both green, and an anarchist, instead of how it was supposed to be read: that I'm a green-anarchist, so I decided the dash was needed) feminist (I've been feeling far more strongly attached to that term lately, so figured I should add it) hippie child.

Some people eschew anything they see as labels, and that's fine. But as a word lover, I kind of like walking around with a string of words attached to me. I picture them trailing out behind my head, fluttering a bit in an imaginary breeze as I move around: a banner of pride. Yeah, pretty fanciful mental image, I know. But anyway, I choose to attach these words to my person because I identify strongly with them: they make me happy to use, I feel like each one describes me well, and I just like them. Those words are my friends.

It's important, of course, that everyone gets to fill in their own labels. (Source)

So that's why I don't find "labels" such as those confining at all: when a word stops feeling good, I simply drop it. As it is, I like being able to define my worldview, my philosophical views, basically the things that influence and impact the way I see things and choose to live my life, in ways that other people can (hopefully) understand. People with similar views can find me that way, and I feel like it's a bit of a warning to everyone in general: look out, radical here! I'm always slightly nervous that I'll encounter aggressive disagreement or stressful bullshit from random people when they discover what my views are, so I like to get it all out of the way as soon as possible, before I can start liking someone only to find they react in shock and disapproval when they discover what I really think about things!

Well, okay, that hasn't happened yet (the me liking someone then having them hate me because of my views bit, I mean. The aggressive bullshit thing has definitely happened!). But maybe that's just because of my clever strategy of being super open about my views right from the get-go, right?

Either way, I like my "labels" (though I prefer to refer to them simply as words, thus avoiding all the baggage that comes along with the L word). I like describing things (anything and everything, really) in words, and thus I like describing me in words. All the feelings I associate with the words I choose to use in regards to myself are positive, feel good ones, and as long as that continues to be the case, I'm going to hang onto them.

Which is why you won't find me bashing labels anytime soon!

A 20th Birthday and a Week Away

2011-03-17T21:42:00.000-04:00

After not writing anything on this blog for over ten days, I figured I should let readers know I'll have no internet access for a week. Instead of at home, I'll be in an apartment in town with a group of friends, hanging out for what will hopefully be a very pleasant week.

I'm afraid I don't have much to say right now, and even if I did, I don't have time to say it, since I haven't finished packing yet! Sure, I could make a trip or two home during the week, but I'd rather spend my time with friends, not driving/bussing into the suburbs to pick up stuff from home.

Now, is there anything else I should add? Hmm, well, as of yesterday, I'm not longer a teenager. I have left those years behind me forever. Seems a bit weird still, actually, though it doesn't feel nearly as horrifyingly momentous as I feared it would! It wasn't a bad day at all, when I turned 20. This is my birthday in pictures...

Me and mom.

Emi looking pensively out the window, on our cake + good bread + groceries for my gathering shopping trip.


Emi thinks wine & umbrellas go well together.

And, of course, there was cake.

...With candles.

Lit candles! (Don't you love the four scattered lighters needed for a few candles?)


Which, being the birthday gal, I proceeded to blow out.

Cake!

Gifts included the first two seasons of Supernatural (yay!), and the newest CD from Rise Against. Plus some money put towards the aforementioned week long gathering, for which I leave tomorrow!

Organizing it has proved to be rather stressful, but I'm really hoping it'll be an enjoyable vacation. Hanging out with friends and just chilling... Getting away from a house that's in the middle of some major repairs thanks to some serious leakage... It should be good.

And that is all! I wish everyone a lovely week, and I hope to come back online in a week filled with fresh inspiration, and ready to finally overcome the huge writing block I've had for the last month! I can hope, right?

Occasionally Sunday Means Links

2011-03-06T14:05:00.000-05:00

I promise you, proper posts are coming soon! How soon I cannot say, since I seem to be coming down with a cold and may not have much energy in the next few days, but they are coming (some possible/likely topics are: drug use among young people, parental trust, and bodily autonomy; You Know You're An Unschooler When...; a post on the relationship between anarchy and unschooling...)!

Until then, I give you a collection of the cool stuff I've found online in the last while, for your perusing pleasure.

Sex, Gender, GLBTQ, Sexism

The following reasons do not make it okay to call someone a slut

The opinion pages of the New York Times has this article entitled The Disposable Woman about the media, and societies, reaction to Charlie Sheen and his long history of abuse and violence against women.

"I've been really shocked and distressed to find out that 8- and 9-year-old girls are getting all their pubic hairs waxed off by their mothers. I think if I have any purpose at all, it’s to stand up there and say, ‘Oh, no, no, no, no, girls. You totally have a choice. You can wax it, you can shave it, you can grow it out, and this really is up to you.’ That’s the way that I feel about everything, that you just need to know there’s a choice out there."-Amanda Palmer Gives Pubic Hair a Shout Out! | Good Vibrations Magazine

"Women's breasts, originally intended to nourish babies, are greatly fetishized by men. In a patriarchal culture, this makes them sacrosanct, so they must be covered up as something dirty. Dirty = arousing to men. (Men’s chests might be similarly arousing to women, but in a patriarchal culture, what is arousing to women is regarded as being of no real importance unless it suits male fantasy.)

Of course, as fetishized objects, boobs must also be made into ornaments (just like cars, also fetishized by men). So, they are primped and prodded, alternately bound and pumped up, displayed like prize ponies. Even if you don’t want to. (Have you tried to buy a non-wire bra recently that didn’t look like a Playtex Cross-your-heart? Good luck with that.)

When I first wrote the Subversive Scholastic essay, I got a lot of reactions from males who said, basically: You wanna take off your shirt? Hey alriiiight! Do it, babeeeeeee!

No, no and no.

If I should take off my shirt, I want you to be as lackadaisical about that as if your best male friend took off his shirt. Are you saying Hey alriiiight! to your best male friend and encouraging him to take off his shirt? Then I don’t want that either. Optimally, it would be nice if you didn’t even NOTICE.

Hey, says authoritative male voice, you can’t expect guys not to even notice, okay?

Question: Do women act like asses when men shed their tops? You know, we might be as excited about that as you are, has that ever occurred to you? But we have learned to behave ourselves. I am utterly confident that men could learn the same, if expected to." -Women should have a right to be shirtless

"So many liberal dudes consider themselves political revolutionaries but then ignore or devalue gender politics as less important than other causes. Or they talk a good game about gender politics but then do the complete opposite in their personal lives. […] You think subcultures are going to have better more equal power dynamics, but then they usually reproduce the same fucked up power dynamics of mainstream institutions. It happened in the civil rights movement. It happened with hippies. It happens in indie and punk. It happens in everything when men are the only ones in recognized leadership positions. I wish that it never happened, but it does. Rather than bury our heads in the sand we must choose to engage with it, to figure out why it happens and how we can work on it." -Molly Lambert, In Which Your Ballroom Days are Over Baby

Unschooling, Education, Anti-School, Youth Rights

"It's not that I feel that school is a good idea gone wrong, but a wrong idea from the word go. It’s a nutty notion that we can have a place where nothing but learning happens, cut off from the rest of life." -John Holt

I'm in the process of writing an unschooling zine (tentatively entitled Free The Children!), and would love your input on the ideas I have so far.

"Usually when adults say teens need to be responsible or complain that they’re not responsible enough, what they’re actually talking about is being submissive. A teen is called ‘responsible’ when they shut up and do as they’re told without complaining or questioning what the point of what they’re being asked to do is.” -Elisha

This article from Jeff Sabo is worth a read. He talks about how teaching can definitely be a part of unschooling. Unschooling is about freedom of choice, not about learning everything all by yourself!

This page is from a terrific book entitled ABC's of Anarchy, which you can see the entirety of here.

A new unschooling website called Why Unschool? has been launched by two grown unschooled siblings.

A post about why being friends with older people is a good thing is up at Un-Schooled.

The similarity between prisons and schools:

And finally for this section, a list of the 50 Best Blogs in the Unschooling Movement is worth checking out, though note that not all of the blogs and sites listed actually focus on, or even mention, unschooling. Some are simply about homeschooling or school reform.

Anarchy, Politics, Revolution, Freedom

"We should be in the business of living, not making a living.” -Lucien Bourjeily

An environmentalist is on trial for "eco-terrorism" for disrupting a land auction.

"(Many of) the greatest crimes in the world are not committed by people breaking the rules, but by people following the rules. It’s people who follow orders that drop bombs and massacre villages." -Banksy

"The first step — especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money — the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art." -Chuck Palahniuk

"Think of anarchism as an individual orientation to yourself and others, as a personal approach to life. That’s not impossible to imagine. Conceived in these terms, what would anarchism be? It would be a decision to think for yourself rather than following blindly. It would be a rejection of hierarchy, a refusal to accept the “god given” authority of any nation, law, or other force as being more significant than your own authority over yourself. It would be an instinctive distrust of those who claim to have some sort of rank or status above the others around them, and an unwillingness to claim such status over others for yourself. Most of all, it would be a refusal to place responsibility for yourself in the hands of others: it would be the demand that each of us not only be able to choose our own destiny, but also do so." -from Days Of War, Nights of Love: CrimethInc for Beginners

From XKCD:

Random Cool Shit

Have any particularly cool stuff you've found online lately? Have you put together your own link roundup recently? Please do share in the comments!!

Life Happening

2011-02-23T15:11:00.000-05:00

You know what's been missing from this blog recently? Anything at all personal, or actually about my life in the here and now.

Well, that's not entirely accurate. Everything I write is personal really, in the sense it's important to me and draws heavily on my personal experiences and background. But often, writing all the posts about unschooling that I do, as much as they draw on my life, I feel like there's a distance between where I am in my life and what's happening as I write the post, and the post itself.

So I decided that today felt like a good time to write about what's been happening in my life, how I've been doing, and all that jazz. Considering it's been a long time since I wrote about my life at all, I feel like there's a lot of catching up to do.

Since the fall, when I did a ton of stuff, and then just came home to cold weather and not much of a local community, I haven't exactly felt at my best. Well, okay, I'm trying to be honest here: I've been downright depressed, on and off. No, not clinical depression, but the kind where you're miserable, have no motivation to do anything, feel drained by being constantly cold (I don't do well in cold weather), and find being around people too frustrating to bother doing. Top that off with some seriously self-hating feelings and stress caused by external events, and it's really not fun (I want to make it clear that I haven't been feeling constantly horrible since the fall. Just that I've been dealing with all this since the fall, to a greater or lesser extent depending on the time).

What external events, you ask? Well, a couple of them are other peoples business, or too private to share details publicly online, but suffice it to say there were days of hospital visits while my father was sick and in the hospital (he's better now). Worrying about and trying to help a friend, and really wonderful person, whose life has been going to hell. And a repeat of the whole thing I went through when turning both 18 and 19 (birthdays tend to be a little rough for me), now that I'm rapidly approaching my 20th Birthday (it's on March 16th). I feel like THIS, now, as I leave my teen years, is when people are going to expect me to "be an adult" even more than ever. I start obsessing about the fact I'm not earning money right now, and start thinking that everyone must secretly think I'm a failure because of it, even if they pretend not to (yes, I realize this is neither rational nor true). Birthdays are rough. Or, at least, the time leading up to them is. Because this year, I've decided to do something different.

This year, for my 20th birthday, I'm renting a house, apartment, or similar place for a week, and hosting a gathering! Some really great friends are coming, and I'm SO looking forward to it (though there's definitely still stress attached to organizing it... What if hardly anyone ends up being able to come? What if people don't enjoy it? And even worse, what if I don't find a good place to rent? Yes, that's right, I haven't found a good place yet [if you have ideas/a place you know of, please contact me!]). I can get sucked into thinking about things in a negative way really, really easily.

I'm also writing an unschooling zine! Like, not an ezine, but an actual, hold in your hands zine, that I'm going to be selling once it's finished at the anarchist bookfair (as well as by order, of course. It'll be available to all you lovely blog readers who are interested!). I started it a couple months ago, and have hardly written any more for it since, but I plan on changing that now that I have a deadline (the bookfair!). It'll cover all the basics, in a series of short chapters, so it'll really be like a short book on unschooling... This project is pretty exciting to me!

Which leads me to another thing. Right now, the only place I write is in my (often dark and cold) bedroom, on my desktop computer. That's it. I don't have a laptop, and the only time I can ever bring myself to write with pen and paper is when I'm writing poems. Otherwise, I get way too frustrated at the slowness and hand-cramping, PLUS I'd have to then transcribe it onto the computer. *Shudders in horror* So I've been looking seriously into getting a laptop, and thus being able to write in the rest of the house, outside in the sunshine, in cafes, when I'm traveling...

Problem is, I have no money. Well, okay, I have a very small amount of money which is all going towards my big birthday bash next month (everyone who's coming is chipping in, but that still means I'm paying my portion). Some of you may remember me posting about wanting a laptop on my blog's Facebook page, and I was thrilled and so grateful to actually have a couple of people offer to give me their old laptops!! The kindness of people can be amazing. So I was going to get one from a local friend, only when she was getting it ready, it decided to crash. So, no laptop. And that has made me realize that if I get a really old used laptop from someone, I'm planning on doing lots of writing on it, and IT COULD CRASH AT ANY MOMENT thus destroying all my work. So I think I should maybe look at getting the lowest end/cheapest new or newly refurbished laptop I can find. Except I still don't have any money, which is a dilemma, but I've got a couple vague ideas in mind that may, possibly, be helpful...

So, is that enough rambling about my life for you? Aren't you glad I don't do this very often? ;-) But I do feel it's important every now and then to, I don't know, check in with readers, I suppose, so that those who are interested can see behind the (I try to have) well edited posts with real points, and into what's really happening in Idzie's life...

On Being Academic (Or Not!)

2011-02-19T14:40:00.004-05:00

Here's the thing: I'm not a very academic person. And by that I mean, quite simply, that I'm just not very into academics.

I read this post recently, by a grown unschooler who states that "many grown homeschoolers are wide-ranging academics on the side, but most people are not. That’s a problem."

I'm inclined to agree with him that many older and grown unschoolers seem to be pretty into academics, though that might just be my perception. Because there have definitely been times when I've felt a bit out of place, or really self-conscious at the very least, because of my lack of interest in more academic pursuits, when among, or in discussions online about, older unschoolers. It does sometimes seem like most unschoolers hit a certain age, and go all academic suddenly, and like maybe I just missed that. Was it supposed to happen? Am I lacking something? Will people think less of me?? So says my insecure self, though I know it's unlikely either that I'm missing anything or that people will think any less of me for it!

And when I say it could quite likely just be my personal perception, I say that because as recently as yesterday, an unschooling friend commented that she's felt left out at times because she's really into academics, and it seems to her that most grown unschoolers are going on grand adventures instead! Which says to me that it really just is a matter of perception...

However, I do take issue with is the author's assertion that not being an academic is a problem. I'm really not an academic: you won't find me "sourcing obscure books, visiting research libraries, conducting experiments or doing field research." What you will find me doing is dancing around barefoot; reading fantasy novels; writing blog posts; daydreaming; having really long and interesting discussions about oppression, patriarchy, anarchy, control, and similar jazz; reading books and articles and posts on unschooling and freedom-based education; drinking tea at cafes...

I'd much rather read about dragons than Renaissance history. (Source)

I think one of the most important aspects of the unschooling philosophy is the realization that no one type of learning is more valuable than any other. There isn't a hierarchy of value, with the most academic subjects at the top, and the least academic at the bottom. And choosing to delve deeply into a subject is no better than choosing to look only briefly into it (the point should be sating your interest, however in-depth or not that interest turns out to be).

Sure, sometimes I let insecurity creep in (well, okay, a lot of times), but I really do believe absolutely and completely that all learning has value. And that whatever I (or anyone else) decide to do with my time, be it studying biology, hiking, learning Latin, watching bugs crawl up stalks of grass, or (even!) playing video games, it all has value.

Now I think it's time for me to go read the fantasy novel I'm in the middle of...

How I Learned to Write (It Involved a Lot of Reading!)

2011-02-18T15:14:00.005-05:00

Some of what I learned in my early childhood (when we were very relaxed homeschoolers), I remember clearly, involved at least some formal lessons or schoolbooks. There was a reading program I started, though when I decided I had no interest in continuing it, no one minded (my mother was always of the opinion that children will learn to read, without being taught, when they're ready too). Math definitely involved workbooks (until I hated it enough at 11 or so that I put a stop to it). But one thing I can say with absolute certainty: I have never had anything even close to a formal lesson on how to write. And I'm not talking handwriting here, but actual writing: the thing I'm doing right now to create this post.

I like this fact, because I get to tell it to people who've read some of my stuff but are skeptical of unschooling, and watch the look of surprise and disbelief on their face. I feel like it's a good and simple way to prove my point (my point being that children can learn without being forced to, or even taught how).

So, how did I learn to write? Well, actually, I suppose I was writing to some small extent before I could even read.

Our house has always been full of books. There's at least one bookcase in every single room of our house, except for the bathroom (which has only a small pile of books instead of a whole bookcase!). The small library my family owns was collected over many years and from many different sources (book catalogs, stores, garage sales, library sales...). My parents are big into readers! Because of that, from the time I was in the womb, I was read to. And having always heard stories, as a young child I think it was fairly natural that I'd want to create some of my own stories as well. So I'd simply dictate them to my mother, who would very kindly write them down for me.

Our living room bookshelves...

Later, when I started reading myself, I jumped headlong into the world of fiction. I read countless novels: sometimes as much as three books in one day (people are sometimes skeptical when I tell them I've read thousands of books, but I always assure them that really, I have)! Historical fiction, teen contemporary fiction, mysteries, the supernatural... And of course, always fantasy. Where my interest in other genres has waxed and waned over time, fantasy has remained a constant (if you ever want good recommendations, just ask me. I'll happily geek out about fantasy novels anytime!). I love fiction, and have loved it for many years. The way whole stories, characters, places can become so very real in the pages of a book is just...incredible. I love reading stories.

And when I try and think of how I actually did learn to write, that's really where I trace it all back to: all the reading I did (and do). Even being an unschooler and believing that children will learn naturally, I find myself marveling at how much I absorbed about the structure and rules of language simply from reading. It was never a struggle when I started writing more myself. I knew where commas went, how long was too long when it came to writing sentences, how to structure a paragraph, and similar intricacies of the written language. Obviously, I've improved a lot since then (and will continue to grow and improve), but from the time I really started writing in earnest I had a very strong grasp of how to write. I just needed practice. Even when it came to spelling, the closest to "formal" learning I ever did was play a game, for fun and by choice, with my sister, where my mother would say a word, and my sister and I would try and get the correct spelling first. Yes, both of us have always been writing/language nerds!

I almost wish I could place an exact time and moment when I started really writing, the same way I can with reading (the whole Harry Potter spurring me to read on my own is an anecdote I've told many times), but really, I don't think there's any moment I can pinpoint. I learned to write from stories told or read to me over many years, then from reading dozens, hundreds of books myself.

Sometimes the way I learned growing up seems surreal to me, when I compare it to how most others spent their childhood. Like I lived in a different world, despite my physical proximity to everyone else. Sometimes (often), I still feel that way! It's such a radically different way of living than that of the mainstream that it's hard to reconcile the two. And I find myself frequently just really, really not getting why anyone thinks the traditional way of teaching small children is a good thing! Learning can be so simple, so flowing, and so much fun, if only parents and educators would relax, sit back, be ready to help if wanted, but mainly just let it happen. Children are remarkably good at learning! As the great John Holt said:

"We do not need to motivate children into learning by wheedling, bribing or bullying. We do not need to keep picking away at their minds to make sure they are learning. What we need to do, and all we need to do, is bring as much of the world as we can (to them); give children as much help and guidance as they ask for; listen respectfully when they feel like talking; and then get out of the way. We can trust them to do the rest."

The Hidden Curriculum and the Truth About Schooling

2011-02-13T21:35:00.001-05:00

"We don't need no education. We Don't need no thought control. Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids alone." Pink Floyd, in their iconic song Another Brick in the Wall

(Source)

Sometimes, I wonder if it would have made what I have to say about school more credible if I was a dropout (rise-out, opt-out...) myself, instead of a lifelong unschooler.

Because as such, it's assumed quite often that I must have no clue what I'm talking about. School doesn't really teach obedience to authority, conformity, and all that jazz. I just think it does, because I've never been to school to see how nice it is, and instead have been turned against this fine institution by my prejudiced parents. Or so the idea goes, at least.

It's true that I can't ever know from personal experience what elementary or high school is like (besides kindergarten, of course), but I feel very confident making the statements I do about school. Why? Because all the research I've done shows not only that school really does teach obedience and conformity, but that the educators in the schooling system are well aware of that fact.

Open any mainstream/used in university classes sociology or education text, and I can almost guarantee that it mentions something called "the hidden curriculum."

I found this description of the hidden curriculum in a book called Sociology of Education: An Introductory View From Canada that we picked up a while ago secondhand (I posted briefly about it when I first discovered the passage):

"The fundamental patterns in any society are held together by tacit ideological assumptions. In schools, some rules are not overt, but they serve to organize and legitimate the activities of teachers and students. Much of what the school teaches and the students learn does not appear in the formal curriculum. Successful school performance requires that the student learn what are considered important and useful skills and knowledge. But students must also have the skills to uncover the hidden rules and expectations that affect their dispositions, identities, and personalities. For example, schools emphasize conformity, deferred gratification, achievement, competitiveness, and obedience to authority [emphasis is mine]. Students must understand the social and other dimensions of this hidden curriculum. The hidden curriculum refers to the tacit teaching of norms, values, and dispositions that occurs through student's social experiences in routine school activities."

In another book, Society: The Basics (Canadian edition), it's noted that:

"...the school's so-called hidden curriculum, subtle presentations of political or cultural ideas, imparts important cultural values. School activities such as spelling bees and sports encourage competition and showcase success. Children also receive countless messages that their society's culture is both practically and morally good."

Taught to think our culture is both "practically and morally good," is it any wonder that things continue to be so bad? If our culture is good, then there's obviously no need to change things in any real or radical way. The same book also goes on to say that "schools further socialize young people into culturally approved gender roles," something that, as a person who often chooses to identify as a feminist, and has a good handful of queer friends, disturbs me on multiple levels.

I find it funny that so many people consider writers like John Taylor Gatto (who wrote, among many other things, this essay, which I think is great) to be so shocking, considering he's really just framing what the education profession knows to be true in a different light.

This is all just to say that not only do I consider myself justified in my dislike of the schooling institution, but also that the people who claim these things are untrue don't seem to have done much research themselves. It seems they react in automatic defensiveness, and out of a desire for it simply not to be true, not because they've actually thought about or researched the possibility that, well, it is true! Now if only more people could start seeing that truth, things would start changing faster...

Blame Unschooling!

2011-02-04T20:26:00.001-05:00

There's something I've noticed a lot that can make things really difficult for us unschoolers, and that is this: unschoolers are always held to a higher standard than those with more traditional educational backgrounds.

Anything "bad" (note the quotation marks) is the fault of unschooling. If you have trouble getting a job (regardless of the state of the economy, social privileges or a lack thereof, or any other important factors), it's because you unschooled. If you're a naturally introverted person, it's because you unschooled. If you miss a deadline, make a typo, make a small mistake when counting out change, hell, if you happen to be clumsy, it's probably because you're an unschooler.

On the other hand, anything "good" about your personality, anything impressive that you accomplish, is entirely because of you, and has absolutely nothing to do with unschooling: you're obviously just a motivated/intelligent/whatever person who would do well no matter what the circumstances.

In contrast, schooled individuals, when they "fail" (again, the quotation marks are important), it's because they're too unmotivated/stupid/whatever: it's NEVER the fault of schooling. And when a schooled individual accomplishes something impressive, it's because of the wonderful education they received at school, never in spite of school, or because of their own inherent wonderfulness.

It's most definitely sad. And very frustrating.

It also puts a lot of pressure on you. Because whether you like it or not, the minute you admit to being an unschooler everything you do becomes a reflection on all unschoolers. I've felt the zeroing in of attention the second I mention, and then usually explain, unschooling (though lately I've come across some people who are already at least vaguely familiar with the concept... Yay publicity!). The questions start coming, of course, but along with that, it often feels like you're being evaluated. It's like they're examining a foreign specimen, wondering if you'll prove to be a "normal" human or not. I'm a reasonably social and confident person, at least when it comes to the subject of alternative education and unschooling, so it doesn't usually bother me. It's actually kind of fun: the challenge of being social and charming, and presenting my case in a calm and logical way. By the reactions I tend to get, I think I might even be pretty good at it. But when I think of how this would be for many other unschoolers out there, or even think of myself a couple of years ago, I most definitely understand why many people choose not to bring up unschooling at all, and I remember why I'd never get into the details myself until a couple of years ago.

When you do something outside of the mainstream definition of normal, people think they have a right to demand an explanation. Or if they're interested in possibly doing it themselves, they simply really really hope you'll explain it to them. Yet even with the nicest, most well-meaning and interested people, it can sometimes feel like a pop quiz (or at least, I imagine it can... Having never faced a real pop quiz of which people speak, my metaphor could be off). Like I said, to me, it's fun. It's energizing. It's a new challenge each time, to decide how to present things, which quotes or anecdotes to bring up (at this point you may be starting to see why I enjoy public speaking so much...).

Toronto Unschooling Conference 2010

But whether you like it or not, there's always that pressure: by being open about being an unschooler, you become, to the individual or group of individuals you're talking to, the unschooler. The one who speaks for and represents all unschoolers. That's a lot of pressure, and, obviously, inaccurate.

I think that to the great majority of people out there, unschooling is thought of as a method of education. And I think I've referred to it as such myself, at times. But that description doesn't sound quite right to me: it makes me think of all the different curriculums and school reforms, where new methods are implemented, then the results are studied. That's what people often see unschoolers as: results of a specific method of education.

And to me, that's not what unschooling is. As Tara Wagner said in her recent interview on this blog:

"I don't think "unschooling" created me or gave me an ability. I think it simply gave me the freedom to create myself and supported my innate abilities. Whereas schooling or limited mentalities got in my way, unschooling stays out of my way."

As unschoolers, we're not results: we're individual people with individual experiences, personalities, passions, and goals. I definitely feel unschooling has impacted who I am as a person, but I feel the same way Tara does, in that I feel that by unschooling, I had the time and space to become my own person. Unschooling gave me freedom. The rest I did myself. Or, myself, with the help of the world, my community, and life in general... Unschooling didn't create the aspects of myself that I'm proud of, and neither did it create my less than stellar qualities. My achievements and mistakes are thanks to me and the circumstances I've found myself in.

It's harmful for people to look at someone who unschools, and see only the product of a specific type of education. Instead, people need to shift the focus away from whatever education someone did, or did not, have, and focus instead on the actual person. Of course, that's easier said than done, but as more and more people are recognizing the failings of both so called higher education and the compulsory schooling system itself, I have high hopes that the focus will shift evermore towards a more organic and flexible view of what it means to be "educated and successful."

Grown Unschooler Tara Wagner: "Amazing things happen inside of freedom."

2011-02-03T14:29:00.000-05:00

This is the latest in an ongoing series of interviews with grown unschoolers. Read more here! Are you a grown unschooler yourself? If so, I invite you to participate in this project.

And now, I'm very happy to introduce Tara, someone who's blog and photography I've long admired.

Tara Wagner is a mother and a lover, a writer and an organic life coach, specializing in life learning, organic parenting and authentic living. She currently travels the US with her husband and son in a truck converted to run on veggie oil and a solar-powered RV. You can find her blogging at TheOrganicSister.com and SustainableBabySteps.com.

When did you become an unschooler?
I "officially" left school about half way through 9th grade, but mentally I had begun checking out a few years before.

How long have you unschooled/did you unschool? I was out of school for the rest of what would have been my high school years. Instead of college, I chose massage school and self-education for entrepreneurship from there.

How old are you now?
29

If your parents chose unschooling, do you know how/why they made that decision?
My mom didn't choose it but she supported my choice under the belief that "school is not for everyone" and with the ideal that I can create my own success.

If you chose to leave school, can you talk a bit about what led to that decision, and how the actual process of leaving went (how did your parents, friends, teachers, etc. react? What were the challenges you faced, and how did you overcome them?).
I had enjoyed school and schoolwork until about 7th grade. But changing schools had confused the administration and they began putting me in classes I had already taken. I got incredibly bored and was no longer challenged or having fun. I was also not meshing with the dramatic high school "scene" and felt most comfortable around adults.

By 9th grade my favorite and best subject (English) became my least favorite. Instead of doing what I wanted to do - write and read - I was relearning capitalization and trying to convince the teacher I'd known the difference between a question mark and an exclamation mark since the 2nd grade. (The teacher told me if that were true I wouldn't be in her class and the school admin told me it was up to the teacher to decide if I needed a different class.)

My transition out of school started with me skipping classes, and only attending the ones I enjoyed or was challenged by (this was where my interest in science and computers began). They tend to frown upon selective attendance, so they suspended me.

I think I asked my mom if I could be homeschooled, but there was never any thought of doing school at home. We had never heard of unschooling and didn't tap into any homeschooling communities. As such I think many people looked at me as a "dropout" although I never felt like one. I felt very strongly that I was opting out, and with my mom's support, I felt empowered by that.

I think the biggest challenge I faced was in overcoming the mentality of my peers. Since we never got involved with other homeschoolers and had never heard of unschooling, I was still spending my time with the same friends and mentally still involved in the same high school drama. My views were limited by their views and didn't expand until years later when I started to seek out new information or ideas and ways to live.

Since I've come to see unschooling as a way in which we live, ultimately I think I was deschooling through high school. I made a lot of unhealthy choices in an effort to regain my autonomy and the experiences gave me a lot of contrast, showing me what I no longer wanted to have as part of my life.

What do you think the best thing about unschooling is?
Just one? I guess I'd say it comes down to the freedom: the freedom to create your own life, to heal, to grow unhindered, to explore without imposed limitations. Amazing things happen inside of freedom.

What do you think the worst (or most difficult) thing about unschooling is?
I think going against the norm and doing so without support can be especially challenging. If a person lives in an area without a local unschooling community they might be more susceptible to criticism or pressure to fall in line with the rest of society's ways of thinking.

Did you decide not to go to college or university? If so, could you talk a bit about that experience, and what (if anything) you decided to do differently instead of college?
I didn't have the need for college for the work I wanted to do at the time (massage therapy) so I chose massage school instead.

I later opened my own business without a business degree or any real training and quickly came to feel as though most of what I might spend tens of thousands of dollars on in college would be a waste of time when I could learn it myself. Especially in this day and age of open-source learning and the endless resources available to us, college is only one way of obtaining it.

That's not to say that I won't at some point decide to take courses. But I don't feel the need for a degree for the things I want to be doing in my life. I don't and have never seen the need for someone else to approve of what I know or can do and unless I someday decide to be a doctor, I don't see that changing.

Are you currently earning money in any way?
Yup!

What jobs/ways of earning money do you, and have you, had?
As a teen I had several entry-level positions as a cashier or office assistant. I didn't last long because I didn't enjoy the job or the money I was making and wanted something more for myself. Once I knew I didn't need high school like I was told I did, I soon came to realize I don't need anything else that doesn't work for me, either.

Now I'm an entrepreneur: I'm a writer and blogger, photographer, unschooling coach, massage therapist, and freelancer. I do the things that bring me passion and don't feel as though I need to or should choose one field. The world is too big and there is too much to do to pick just one passion.

Have you found work that's fulfilling and enjoyable?
Most definitely. I love what I do and I'm sure it will change and evolve as I do.

Have you found that unschooling has had an impact on how hard or easy it is to get jobs or earn money?
Not really, not the way I view unschooling. I don't think "unschooling" created me or gave me an ability. I think it simply gave me the freedom to create myself and supported my innate abilities. Whereas schooling or limited mentalities got in my way, unschooling stays out of my way.

Do you feel that unschooling has had an impact on what methods of earning money or jobs you're drawn to?
Yes. I don't feel as though I "have to" be tied down to something I don't enjoy. I don't feel as though I should settle or "be grateful" just because. And I desire a lot of creative freedom. I haven't worked for someone else in about ten years and I would have a very difficult time doing it again without that creative freedom and autonomy.

What impact do you feel unschooling has had on your life?
A huge one. It's impacted every facet of my life, from my relationship with my spouse, to my parenting, and life's work, to my outlook on politics and health and social issues.

I base everything off of freedom, support of the whole person and living without conditions or fears.

If you could go back in time, is there anything about your learning/educational journey that you'd change?
Ultimately, I don't think I would, although I do wonder what would have been different had I left school earlier or connected with the broader world outside of school after I left. But I do think that my experiences shaped me and that the contrast helped me grow.

If you have children, do you unschool them?
Yes, although we came to it late.

Zeb (now 11) was in a private school for a couple years, which was not a healthy experience for him. Although I had left school as a teen, I still had limited views around *when* a person could leave the system (as in, "Sure, school is not for everyone, but you have to learn the basics first.") I still had a lot of deschooling to do. :)

But my foundation helped me to embrace it quickly. Soon after we withdrew him, I began to trust not only my intuition around learning (free schools have always appealed to me) but also my child's natural instincts and passions.

What advice would you give to teens looking to leave high school?
Trust your instincts. Try new things. Get connected with new people. Put yourself out there. Take your time. Hurry up.

Life is full of so many opportunities, most of them hidden and requiring your passionate pursuit of them.

What advice would you give to someone looking to skip, or to drop out of, college or university?
The same advice I'd give to anyone making any decision. College is one route. It doesn't negate or guarantee any other route. Trust your instinct. Go after what you want. And don't fall into the trap of listening to other people's fears. Or your own, for that matter.

What advice would you give to unschooling parents (or parents looking into unschooling)?
Slow down, and spend a lot more time on building connection and trust than anything else.

Then start building upon interests, inviting new things and people into your lives, and creating a rich environment in which the whole family will thrive. Don't get wrapped up in the fears of others and don't project your own fears or beliefs or desires on your kids.

Is there anything else you'd like to talk about or add?
Don't let a label define you. The unschooling label can be freeing...or it can be binding. Instead of embracing a label, embrace the way you and others want to feel - joyful, connected, adventurous? Focus on those things and let freedom, trust and compassion be your cornerstones.

Grown Unschooler Vanessa Wilson: "As an unschooled kid, the world is full of so much that a school cannot give."

2011-01-26T15:01:00.001-05:00

I invite you to participate in this project if you're a grown unschooler, and I invite everyone who's interested in reading more about grown unschoolers to check out this list of interviews. Enjoy!

I am the self-designin', life-lovin', free mama to 3: Kassidy (5.1999), Noble (3.2007), and Najaia (9.2009). I have many interests that include personal growth, spirituality, beauty, simplicity, creative outlets, crafting, and other DIY projects. We are a whole-life unschooling family, and I walk a path toward gentle parenting while I undo the tangles of my past. We generally value natural and sustainable living, so this is very reflected in some areas of our life and in some areas or choices not so much -- without judgment. We are enjoying liberating ourselves from "villainous thinking" about all kinds of things that bring us joy. We are a very eclectic family, as we pick and chose what fits for each of us at any given moment. We strive to listen to our inner selves over outer "experts" -- some of us have an easier time of this, but it sure is fun peeling back the layers and resituating paradigms :) Community is very important to us and we look forward to living communally in a tight-knit tribe -- more than ever since gathering a couple times a week with our local radical unschooling group!

When did you become an unschooler?
Halfway through my freshmen year of high school, my mom took me and my brother out of school to homeschool on the road (we had homeschooled before), while she worked at super sales and state fairs. Our travels ended up being our curriculum.

How long have you unschooled/did you unschool?
Ever since, even though I chose to do an adult high school program 3 years later and go on to college about 5 years after attaining my diploma.

How old are you now?
31

Do you have any siblings? If so, did they/do they unschool as well?
I have a younger brother who lived and travelled with us and unschooled. He was 6 years younger than me, and he went back to public school seamlessly.

If your parents chose unschooling, do you know how/why they made that decision?
Like I said, my mom just didn't do curriculum, mostly because we were so busy living. She had never heard of the term "unschooling" until I found it and started with my kids.

What do you think the best thing about unschooling is?
I attribute unschooling to my insatiable love of learning, both in life and in formal education. It was done for intrinsic reasons, totally self-guided.

What do you think the worst (or most difficult) thing about unschooling is?
The hardest part for me was not feeling like it was "normal". I didn't know anyone else who did it, and I got the impression from society that mom was just irresponsible and crazy-unconventional.

Did you decide to go/are you going to college or university? If so, could you talk a bit about that experience?
I did decide to go to college. I LOVED the community college level (as was evident in my 3.79 gpa), but once I transferred to the university level, it became more about the degree than the wonderful stuff that it had been about before, and I slowly did worse and worse. I got accepted to a school for my master's degree and decided to not go and live some life. I'd like to go back to school someday, maybe. But I know I don't need it to be successful, to live a rich and fulfilling life, and I don't give my kid's these impressions either.

Do you feel that unschooling has had an impact on what methods of earning money or jobs you're drawn to?
Absolutely! I can only work a job that is intrinsically rewarding, and I know that I will always be okay by following my passions. My idea of a "career" is combining as many of my interests into money-making forms, and is totally unconventional. But the best part is that I am comfortable with the fact that this will probably change over and over as I live.

What impact do you feel unschooling has had on your life?
One of the biggest. I have already said that I attribute it to my insatiable love of learning, but it is also one of the most learning-filled times of my life. Those 3 years that we traveled were full of so much people-learning, as we visited a new state almost every week (or sometimes worked a state fair that lasted a month or so at a time). I spent so much time getting to learn about people and the different cultures of America. Because we were often at state fairs, we got to see the "best" of each culture. We traveled and got to see so many places and learned about the history of this country first-hand. It has impacted how I raise my children -- we unschool and are currently making plans to buy a home on wheels and travel until we decide not to, and see whatever our wheels will take us to see.

If you could go back in time, is there anything about your learning/educational journey that you'd change?
The only thing I might change (but I love my journey and wouldn't REALLY change anything) is I would have learned about the term unschooling sooner, and maybe been introduced to authors like John Holt.

If you have children, are they unschooled? Alternately, if you were to have children, would you choose to unschool them?
I do have kids. I was a single mom with my oldest, so didn't think it was possible to homeschool her, until my son was born and I found a way to stay home, and I've found a way since :) We are going on 4 years :))

What advice would you give to teens looking to leave high school?
Just do it. Find support of some kind, and never look back :))

What advice would you give to someone looking to skip, or to drop out of, college or university?
Follow your heart. There are SO many other ways to learn (that are cheaper!) and to earn a living. You can go back if you REALLLLY want to.

What advice would you give to unschooling parents (or parents looking into unschooling)?
As an unschooled kid, the world is full of so much that a school cannot give -- depth and breadth barely recognized. As a fellow unschool parent, I would say research your doubts because you will probably find that those things aren't really a problem once you've heard some differing perspectives on it all. The Internet makes all things possible :))

Unschooling is Learning From Everything

2011-01-23T17:44:00.001-05:00

Unschoolers say all the time that we learn from everything. Even if it doesn't look like learning, even if at first glance, some people would think it was a waste of time (if they were the type of people who think "education" is more important than enjoyment, anyway).

We really do learn from everything, but as unschoolers, even if the learners and their parents know that there's learning going on, it's often hard for outsiders to see, or it's something non-academic enough to not impress most school-minded people. Sometimes, though, the learning that's happening looks enough like what learning is "supposed" to look like, that even the stodgiest person can see it.

I want to share some recent learning going on in this house of the latter sort. Not because I think it's more valuable than the non-visible learning, but because I love when things people often scorn (like TV) lead to things people usually hold in high standing (like learning languages).

My sister and I are obsessed with the TV show Supernatural. What's it about, you ask? The short TvTropes description: "two hot, dysfunctional brothers drive around the country fighting monsters, later accompanied by a hot male angel, with a revolving door of hot recurring stars/guest stars. They Fight Monsters." (and I feel a strong urge right now to assure you that it's better than it sounds). There's an overarching plot that stretches through the entire show, not just each individual season, which culminates in season 5 with the biblical apocalypse (that's the last season we've seen, since season 6 is currently airing and we don't have cable). Watching the show, with all the angels and demons and omens and horsemen of the apocalypse, it seemed, from my knowledge, like they'd really done a lot of research into actual Christian mythology while putting the show together. Emi confirmed this, having done a lot of research herself for last years NaNoWriMo novel (a story with the working title of Soul, about the fight between heaven and hell, though not between good and evil...).

Sam & Dean Winchester, heroes of Supernatural.

They even used a couple of quotes in the show that we were pretty sure were actually from Revelation. So, our interest piqued by the show, we pulled out Emi's bible (the story of which is mentioned here), and started reading The Book of Revelation. Man, is that one trippy story. But very interesting (and Emi is very good at reading dramatically aloud)! As well as being entertaining, it says a lot about the culture of the time.

Going back to the show, in all that apocalypsey stuff found in Supernatural, there are a LOT of demons, and the Winchester boys (main characters) are busy exorcising them and throwing around holy water left right and center.

So Emi did the logical thing in this situation: she memorized the entire most commonly used Latin exorcism found on the show. She also translated it, and we discovered that it definitely isn't bullshit Latin, but actually makes sense (there's lots about unclean spirits and Satan). She also translated the exorcism used in an episode of Angel (another favorite show... Are you sensing a theme here?). And with all that translating and memorizing of Latin, my very good-with-languages sister started telling me how interesting the grammar structure is, and how there isn't any punctuation as we know it. She recognizes multiple words already, and was talking about the various Latin roots of multiple English words.

Oh, and in our reading of Revelation, she also read the translation notes (because she's fascinated by translation), and was telling me a bit about how the Greek version differs from the English one...

All this from watching a TV show.

Not to mention the friend who I've been lending my Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD's to. He's been going through it very fast, and recently while making his way through season 5, decided to carve some stakes (woodworking FTW)! He named the first one Mr. Pointy, but then his dog ate it. Anyway, he has a small collection now, and gave one to both Emi and me. He's also learning how to draw a Devil's Trap (used to trap and immobilize demons in Supernatural), and Emi's learning how to bless holy water (I think you're supposed to be a priest to do it *properly*, but I suppose it'll work for our purposes. Besides, Sam and Dean do it all the time!). So when the supernatural apocalypse comes, you definitely want to be hanging with us!

Any Buffy fan knows how authentic this looks!

I think it's easy for people to feel guilty about spending their time doing something as "useless" as watching TV, and forget not only that enjoyment is worthwhile simply for enjoyments sake, but also that we're constantly making connections, and learning is ever-present.

When you let go of your preconceived ideas of what learning is and where learning comes from, a whole world opens up to you, a world in which anything can spark an interest, and where learning is truly exciting and just plain fun!

Which is why I try to keep the guilt away while happily watching, discussing, laughing over, learning from, and enjoying my favorite TV shows.

School-Free Learning and Religion

2011-01-22T16:40:00.001-05:00

One of the first things people think when they hear you don't, or didn't, go to school, is "oh, you must be religious." And by religious, what they really mean is that we must be either fundamentalist or evangelical Christians.

I think that the image that instantly comes to most peoples minds when they think of homeschoolers (since most people think that all school-free learners are Christian) is a very specific one: it involves girls in long skirts or dresses, boys in dress shirts, and mothers in denim jumpers. Families with (often many) more than 2.5 children, who do their schoolwork at the kitchen table and have daily Bible study. The stereotype goes that they may also hate gay people and have a problem with the theory of evolution.


The Duggar family from TLC's 19 Kids and Counting. (Source)

And, well, that stereotype is actually based in something. Growing up, many of the homeschoolers I knew fit it almost exactly! It's probably not surprising to discover my family felt pretty out-of-place at certain homeschooling gatherings.

Because my family? Well, school-free learning definitely wasn't a choice made for religious reasons of any kind, Christian or otherwise.

My father seems pretty atheistic, but I don't think cares enough about religion either way to even bother labeling himself. My mother is a rather spiritual person, with her own personal beliefs and a definite attitude of live and let live. My sister once referred to herself as a "superstitious agnostic", which I loved, but she doesn't feel the label of agnostic fits any more, and hasn't replaced it with any other labels. And me? Well, I usually simply refer to myself as an animist, and I also throw a little goddess/earth worship into the mix.

I got a necklace much like this for Christmas. (Source)

The difference in outlook can be seen clearly in this story: I remember a homeschoolers group activity my sister and I were part of one summer. They gave us each a small New Testament bible, and we memorized a small passage each meeting. Actually, I think it might have specifically been a bible club thing, that my sister and I decided to go to simply because we had friends there. But either way, I remember that Emi loved that little bible. It had a faux-leather cover and gold writing. Emi thought it looked like a spell book, and used it as such in her regular play.

It might start to sound at this point like I'm not all that fond of Christianity, and that would be accurate. To be honest, I'm not all that fond of any organized religion. But as with everything I'm less than fond of, I try to keep things pointed squarely at the big guys: I have a problem with schools, not those who attend them. Similarly, I don't like the institution of religion, but that doesn't mean I dislike the followers of a religion.

What I do dislike is the politics and opinions that frequently go along with fundamentalist Christianity, though. The hatred of GLBTQ folk, the idea of "purity" and repression of sexuality, the belief that physically punishing children is okay, the overall sexism. When I was young, I didn't notice all that stuff, despite the fact it was very evident at times. I think kids often don't! But once I was older, those types of attitudes definitely started making me uncomfortable.

So do I think choosing not to send kids to school for religious reasons is bad? No, I don't. I think it's important that children are loved, treated kindly and respectfully, and given the freedom they deserve. The families who strive for this are the ones I personally agree with most, and I don't really think whether those choices are made with religion in mind or not matters at all. I consider myself a very spiritual person, and I don't really separate the various part of me into different categories. Everything I think and feel has an effect on everything else I think and feel, thus my own decision to never send my (unwilling to go) future children to school is as much a spiritual choice as anything else.

And really, it would be very nice if people started realizing that the school-free community is a vast one, and one that encompasses a wide variety of people who don't send their kids to school for a wide variety of reasons. School free learners are Christians, Pagans, Jews, Atheists, Muslims, Hindus, and any other religion you can think of. They're conservatives, liberals, republicans, anarchists, supporters of the green party, and libertarians. There are a LOT of school-free people out there, and thus you find a lot of variety. Some of them I personally agree with, some not so much. Yes, I think I've probably come across more Christian homeschoolers than anything else, but there are enough home learners who are other than Christian that automatically assuming they are is not really a good idea!

It would also be nice if people would move away from the idea that Christian=X type of home learning, and Atheist=other X type of homeschooling. That's slotting followers of a specific religion (or holders of a specific label) into a box, and not taking into account the complexities of each individual, why they decided not to send their children to school (or not to go to school themselves), their relationships with each other, etc. There are radically unschooling Christians, and there are rigidly classically homeschooling Pagans. I'd personally like the focus to stay firmly on the important things: are they happy? Are families living together with love and respect? Or, are they striving to live that way (since it can be pretty hard to actually achieve at times, as I well know)? Because isn't that what's important?

Why I'm such a strong supporter of unschooling is because I believe everyone has the right to free choice, and because I believe that free choice leads to happy, connected, caring people. Ultimately, if people are happy, I don't think it matters what type of education they're following.

So. I've tackled religion, something I've never really written about before on this blog. Hopefully I've done so respectfully! And I'd be interested to hear your perspective. Do you feel religion had any impact on your educational choices (either to have more or less religion in your environment)? What's been your experience with the school-free community and religion?

Grown Unschooler Jasmine Carlson: "You don't feel pressured to 'be' something, you are allowed the space and time to create."

2011-01-16T15:52:00.001-05:00

This continues to be an exciting project to me, and I'd love to keep it going for as long as possible! So if you're a grown unschooler, think about joining in. You also might want to read more interviews with grown unschoolers. Now, meet Jasmine Carlson:

I now live in a co-housing community with my family. We take others into our community to teach them how to unschool their lives. I have traveled all over the place and feel that unschooling made it so that I was not just a visitor, but I was able to learn from people and the cultures that I was around. I can honestly say that they have become a part of me. Unschooling made it so that I birthed my son at home, rejecting yet again another institution. Of course I blog both my rants (www.herscreed.blogspot.com), and on fitness (www.fitmama.blogspot.com), which is one of my passions.

When did you become an unschooler?

I have been an unschooler all of my life.

How long have you unschooled/did you unschool?

Pretty much what what most people would call the 12 years of required schooling but I would say that I am still an unschooler.

How old are you now?

Do you have any siblings? If so, did they/do they unschool as well?

I have a brother and two sisters and yes, they were also unschooled.

If your parents chose unschooling, do you know how/why they made that decision?

My parents have never been very conventional. Unschooling just "fit" us. I am not sure when the decision was actually made, it was just part of the natural process. We didn't even know what it was called until my mom read a book years later that detailed exactly what we had been doing for years.

What do you think the best thing about unschooling is?
You have the ability to learn what you want to learn when you want to learn it. You can move at your own pace. You don't feel pressured to "be" something, you are allowed the space and time to create things.

What do you think the worst (or most difficult) thing about unschooling is?
It can be lonely. Like every other controversial or little understood way of doing things you find that people can be very critical.

Did you decide to go/are you going to college or university? If so, could you talk a bit about that experience?

I went to a language school. It was quite structured but it did focus just on the language I was learning, which in some ways made it feel like my type of schooling, because I wasn't learning a bunch of random things that I wasn't there to learn.

Did you decide not to go to college or university? If so, could you talk a bit about that experience, and what (if anything) you decided to do differently instead of college?

Like I stated above, I went to language school and I continue to educate myself by reading extensively and learning from people in specific fields. I may "go to school" online at some point just because I enjoy learning so much. If I do it will be for a focused area of study.

Are you currently earning money in any way?

No, not really. Working on starting a business right now and I am a full time stay at home mom to a 2 1/2 year old boy.

What jobs/ways of earning money do you, and have you, had?

I have played music, done TONS of volunteer work, worked at a bank, worked for a coffee shop, worked for a non-profit, worked for a greenhouse...

Have you found work that's fulfilling and enjoyable?

Yes.

Have you found that unschooling has had an impact on how hard or easy it is to get jobs or earn money?

Yes. It is fairly easy. I am good with people and am able to learn things quickly.

Do you feel that unschooling has had an impact on what methods of earning money or jobs you're drawn to?

Oh yeah. No question about it. I am drawn to things that draw on creativity. I also love a challenge and get bored easily.

What impact do you feel unschooling has had on your life?

I am not afraid to try new things or meet new people. I enjoy a challenge and am never afraid to learn something new. Learning comes fairly easily. I am bored easily with the conventional. I expect people to be more open and honest than most people are able to be.

If you could go back in time, is there anything about your learning/educational journey that you'd change?

No. I don't think so.

If you have children, do you unschool them?

I do have a son and yes I am unschooling him.

What advice would you give to teens looking to leave high school?

Go for it! Give it a try. Honestly you have nothing to lose. You will be stepping in to the best type of education that you can give yourself.

What advice would you give to someone looking to skip, or to drop out of, college or university?

Once again I say, go for it! Give it a try even if it is just for a year. You will come back knowing what you want to do and how you want to go about learning it. In the meantime you won't be wasting any time if you choose to use the time intentionally.

What advice would you give to unschooling parents (or parents looking into unschooling)?

It will probably scare you at first. You will wondering if you are "ruining" your children. Create opportunities. Be open and honest with your children. Unschooling will be just as much a learning adventure for you as it will be for your children. Look at it as continuing education for yourself!

Unschooling Publicity in Montreal

2011-01-15T13:28:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, my mother and I were interviewed, in person, by a journalist from La Presse, the largest (or one of the two largest: not quite sure) daily French language newspaper in Montreal. She was writing an article, not just about homeschooling, but specifically about unschooling. How exciting is that?

In Quebec, alternatives to traditional schooling are even less well known than in the rest of North America. I've even heard one friend suggest something along the lines that when the Catholic church lost control of the hearts and minds of Quebecers a few decades ago, school stepped in to fill that space!

Saint Joseph's Oratory. (Source)

At least churches are prettier. (Source)

But regardless of whether or not that holds true, the fact remains that homeschooling, and especially unschooling, can be difficult here in Quebec. The law is ambiguous at best, having one line mentioning home education, and saying only that students must receive an education "equivalent to that received in school." What exactly "equivalent" means is left open to interpretation, and basically means that the school boards interpret it to mean they have full oversight of all home educators, and home educators interpret it to mean they can do quite well without any school board involvement, thank you very much. Because of the many troubles school boards can cause, at least half the home learners in Quebec are "under the radar": not registered with any school board. School board policy states home learners must be registered, but since the actual law says nothing of the kind, it falls into a legal grey area of a kind. Freeschooling seems to be even less legal, from what I've heard and seen (not that that stops people from starting a freeschool, which is awesome, in my opinion!). Which is all just to say that educational alternatives in Quebec are very, very far from the mainstream.

But back to the article. I was excited to know that someone was interested in sharing unschooling with such a wide audience in Quebec, but also rather leery, considering how badly slanted media pieces have been in the past, when talking about unschooling. We (my mother and I, since the interview request was for me and any/all of my family members if they were interested) came very close to turning down the interview request. But I discussed it a bunch with my family, since really it would be putting a spotlight on all of us, no matter which one of us was being interviewed, talked a bit to Wendy, who'd already been interviewed over phone with the reporter, and her positive experience talking to the journalist in question was enough to finalize our decision.

So my mother and I met the reporter and photographer at one of my favorite places to sit down and have tea, a co-op health food store and cafe. And, you know, we talked about unschooling! And also had a lengthy photo shoot. Both the photographer and the journalist were very nice, and though as soon as we left I started thinking of things I wish I'd said, or said differently, I was still happy with how it went.

Cooperative du Grand Orme. Isn't it cute?

But of course, how an interview goes says nothing about how the final article will turn out!

Last Friday, part one of a three part series on unschooling came out in La Presse. Now all three parts have been published, and you know what? They're pretty good! I mean, there's the usual experts-who've-never-heard-of-unschooling-before-but-hate-it included, but the series of articles overall is one of the least blatantly biased against unschooling ones I've seen. Part three is the one that talks about my family. And the photos included of me (there are three, spread out over the three installments, though only one is online) are even good, which made me happy! I mean really, who wants to be in the newspaper looking bad? At the bottom of any of the articles linked is a list of links to the other parts in the series.

Photo credit: Robert Skinner, of La Presse.

The articles are, of course, in French, but I include them for both my French speaking readers and anyone who feels like using Google translate to get a (very) rough idea of what the article says.

You aren't able to post comments on the articles, but I stumbled across a blog post by the author (in French), and there are most certainly comments there! And they're basically what you see every time unschooling gets some new publicity, minus all the positive comments by unschoolers jumping in to tell people how wrong they are (there just aren't enough unschoolers in Montreal). And no, I didn't look at the comments to aggravate myself (though I must admit it does feel weird to have such venom directed specifically at us. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would, but it is weird...). I looked at the comments because I was curious if the reactions would be different than what I've seen in the past, since Quebec itself is pretty different from the rest of North America. For the most part, the reactions are the same, though there is a much stronger current of "these people will always be on the margins of society and will also be, *gasp*, RADICAL!" Evidenced by the fact I'm a radical anarchist hippie, because obviously one unschooler represents all unschoolers...

But despite the pesky comments, I'm most definitely more excited about this than anything else. So many people who never knew there were any options other than traditional institutionalized schooling now know there are vastly different ways to "get an education." My blog, since it was mentioned in the article, has been getting a lot more hits from Montreal, so people are actually looking up this unschooling thing for themselves.

I get all excited whenever some new radical education project starts in Montreal, or there's an alternative ed workshop that gets a big turnout, or there's some new unschooling publicity. I feel like interest in alternatives has been growing by leaps and bounds here in the last few years, and there really is a small but growing revolution in education happening here!

So while I'm on the topic of freedom based education in Montreal, I want to throw in some links to cool projects and similar things happening in the area:

There's the Montreal Rad School, a freeschool being started up by some really great people, who want to make freedom based education available to all, not just those able to unschool. This is a bilingual project.

The web-series La Déséducation has been airing since November, and focuses first on what's wrong with education in Quebec (the first eight webisodes), and starting up once again in February, will focus on alternatives to the existing model, including homeschooling, freeschooling, and unschooling (my mother and I were interviewed, and will be included in one of the webisodes). Sadly, this series is currently only available in French.

The first webisode in the series:

There's also the long neglected (I feel a bit guilty about that) yet hopefully starting up soon once again support group, Unschooling Montreal. And remember the Summer Montreal Unschoolers Gathering that my mother and I organized last year? Well, it's happening again this summer (though the location may be changing... Join the Yahoo group or Facebook group to get all the updates!).

So there you have it! Montreal. Unschooling. Cool stuff. I'm looking forward to seeing how things progress in our ongoing education revolution!

Growing Up Unschooled...With Siblings

2011-01-08T20:33:00.000-05:00

I read this post recently over at Un-Schooled, and all I could think as I read it was how very much I related to it. Not the great-musicians-touring-Europe bit (I wish), but the relationship, the closeness, described between siblings. And I just had to share my own relationship with my sister, and how I feel that relationship has been affected by unschooling.

Emilie (most often referred to as Em or Emi, if I'm the one doing the referring) is hands down my best friend in the entire world.

Emi, in summer '09.

She's 2 1/2 years younger than me (the half especially mattered when we were younger: doesn't a bigger sibling always want to claim as much of an older-and-thus-obviously-more-mature advantage as they can?), so when I first started going to kindergarten (which I continued to do for half a year) she was still too young for school (this was long enough ago that three was still considered too young for school!). Every day when the bus came to pick me up, my mother would walk me the short distance to the end of our street, while Emi would stay by the window watching until I was picked up. I think she was envious of me: that I got to go somewhere that seemed, at the time, exciting (though I was personally pretty ambivalent about my kindergarten experience, even at the time). More than that, I think she just missed me. We were used to spending all of our time together.

Me and Emi, circa '96 or '97

Once I left school, we fell back into a more familiar rhythm. We spent our days playing, creating art, and going to various group activities. When Emi reached school-age, there was never any suggestions of her going to school.

So we grew up together. We played, learned, squabbled, and everything else siblings are supposed to do.

We liked baking... Circa 2000.

I mean, we certainly fought, and continue to fight, at times. When she was just a toddler I bit her on the face, and just a couple of years ago I gashed her arm open with my nails (then felt extremely bad about it for weeks, long after it had healed), among hundreds of other small fights that resulted in less spectacular displays of physical violence. For a few years, when I was in my preteen to very early teenage years, we lost a lot of closeness, as I had definitely hit a new developmental stage, felt a lot older, and Emi was still a little kid. But once she reached the preteen stage, we regained that closeness once more.

Me and Emi, with our dog, Flora, in '02.

Of course, virtually all siblings--be they unschoolers, homeschoolers, public and private schoolers, or freeschoolers--love their siblings. Many, no matter what type of education they have, are even close to their siblings. But sadly, there are also many who are not.

To me, one of the greatest benefits of unschooling is the relationships I've developed with my family, which I definitely attribute at least in part to unschooling. When in school, siblings spend every day appart from each other, in separate grades, classrooms, and even schools (though seeing as you're not supposed to be socializing in class, I suppose it wouldn't make much of a difference if siblings where in the same class, anyway). Evenings are usually spent doing homework, or spending time with other friends. There's a stigma attached to hanging out with people of different ages, and I've definitely also encountered a stigma to liking family members. To many young people, actually liking a sibling enough to spend time with them just isn't cool.

So as unschoolers, we missed out on internalizing any siblings-are-uncool-and-so-is-anyone-younger-than-me messages. But far more than that, we simply had the time to become such good friends!

Because that's what we are now: best friends. Emi is now 17, and I'll be turning 20 in March. Though we no longer share the same activities, we still share a fair amount of friends. We hang out together. We giggle and squee over sexy guys, watch shows and movies together, and endlessly discuss the plot, characters, and where it all might be heading. We also discuss a huge array of other things: like sexism and anarchy, oppression and media and racism and gender and how we want to live our lives. Problems with friends and things people said and how we can make a difference. Sometimes we curl up together and talk until 4:00 am or later.

Laughing at who knows what. Taken in 2007.

We've been known to laugh in synchronization, and even to burst out singing the exact same song at the exact same time, completely out of the blue. We make comments and references that cause us both to burst into laughter, when no one else has a clue what we're talking about. We exchange plenty of secrets that never go further than the two of us, and we almost always know what the other is getting at, even if we're exhausted and making no sense (which, being the very late night people we are, is a fairly frequent occurrence).

At a dance, in 2008.

Perhaps we would have been just as close had we gone to school. But I'm oh so glad that our relationship was never put under the strain of the both of us growing up separately in school, so glad that our friendship could grow unhindered as we ourselves grew up!

Both of us looking kinda silly, but happy! June, '10.

Yeah, okay, I'm feeling kind of sappy now. But, well, she's my sister. I could go on so much longer: I could talk about how we've always looked out for and defended each other. I could talk about how awesome (and witty, intelligent, hilarious, social, thoughtful, compassionate...) my sister is, and about all the cool things she does (like play snare drum in a Highland band, and be a Ninja--really, she takes Ninjitsu--and write novels, and sew plushies...), and all that jazz. But I think I'm going to stop here, and finish instead with this quote from Kate, of Un-Schooled, who says it all so much better than I've managed to in this post:

"Going to school doesn’t mean not getting to know your own family. It doesn’t mean not becoming good friends with your siblings. But being unschooled means getting the chance to hang out with them all the time. To learn with them the way kids in school learn with their classmates. To learn with them in ways that classrooms can’t really ever encompass. Being unschooled means living together during the day as well as the evening and the winter as well as the summer. Not knowing that you’re supposed to be divided up into grade levels and younger kids are supposed to be boring and older kids are supposed to be off limits. Being unschooled means being in it together. Every day.

And I am so thankful that I got the chance to be with my brothers like that."

Grown Unschooler Jaclyn Dolamore: "Art and stories are woven through the fabric of every subject."

2011-01-02T15:53:00.000-05:00

I'm happy to present the first grown unschooler interview of the new year! I invite you to read more interviews with grown unschoolers, and if you're a grown unschooler yourself, I invite you to participate in this project.

Jaclyn Dolamore has a passion for history, thrift stores, vintage dresses, drawing, and organic food. She lives in Orlando, Florida, with her partner Dade and two black tabbies who have ruined her carpeting (the cats, that is, not the boyfriend). Magic Under Glass is her first novel, a YA fantasy about a dancing girl who falls in love with the spirit of a fairy gentleman trapped in a clockwork automaton. Romance between a mermaid and a winged boy will follow in 2011 with Between the Sea and Sky, as well as a short story about conjoined twins on an airship in Corsets and Clockwork: 13 Steampunk Romances. Find her at http://www.jaclyndolamore.com.

When did you become an unschooler?

I've been unschooled from the beginning of my school years (with a few interruptions--explained in my next answer).

How long have you unschooled/did you unschool?

We had a little bit of curriculum/structure near the beginning and end of my school experience, and I went to 2nd grade because my mom was getting a massage therapy license, and gifted class one day a week for the rest of elementary school.

How old are you now?

28.

Do you have any siblings? If so, did they/do they unschool as well?

I have two sisters, Kate and Ivy, and they were also both mostly unschooled.

If your parents chose unschooling, do you know how/why they made that decision?

My mom decided to unschool us; I'm sure she could articulate her specific reasons better than I could, and I don't want to put words in her mouth, but she's always been interested in alternative education (and is really a free-thinking person in many areas of life). And I have to get serious credit to my dad, too, for supporting it and being the breadwinner so my mom could stay at home with us.

What do you think the best thing about unschooling is?

The time and space to be myself, pursue my passions, make my own choices. I have always been passionate about storytelling, in some form or another, and spent the majority of my childhood hours creating stories, comics and art, and playing complicated pretend games with ongoing plot lines with my sister. I felt like I was really hitting my creative stride in my teen years, when my peers were buried with homework and school and were "too old" for a lot of that stuff. I think they were missing out. I would still play "pretend games" if I could! But my writing now pays the bills, and I have loads of stories from my teen years that I still pluck ideas from to rework. To say nothing of the time to learn the things I wanted to learn. Whatever I was interested in, I could study to my heart's content, immersing myself in one or two subjects at a time, and I think it really helped me retain the things I learned. When I was in the early days of my anime/manga phase at 14, I learned to read and write the Japanese syllabary in one intensive day of study. In school, you'd just get a little time for this and a little time for that, whether you liked it or not.

What do you think the worst (or most difficult) thing about unschooling is?

I think it really depends on the individual situation. But I did lack friends. The friends I did have were mostly the children of my mom's friends, which meant I didn't really get to choose them from a classroom pool, and even then I didn't see them often. The internet was a wonderful thing when that came along, but it still sucked having all my friends in other states! However...while people worry about homeschooled kids not having enough friends, I also skipped the negative side of being around a million other kids, like bullying or peer pressure.

Did you decide not to go to college or university? If so, could you talk a bit about that experience, and what (if anything) you decided to do differently instead of college?

I did skip college. At first it wasn't really intended to be forever, I just didn't know what to do with myself, but I did know I did NOT WANT LOANS unless I had a purpose for them. I felt like I needed some time to work, get out into the world, and figure out what I wanted to do. So I did. In my early twenties I visited a friend who was attending the University of Toronto, stayed in her dorm, sat in on some classes--got some serious college lust. Plus I'd hit upon the idea of getting a degree to become a librarian. So I started looking into schools and finances. As I was doing this, though, I was thinking about how what I really wanted to be was a writer. And I'd never really tried. So I dropped the college idea for the time being and gave myself a new goal: sell a book in four years, or go to college. I was 23 at the time, and it took me three years to hit the goal.

Are you currently earning money in any way?

Yes, I have now been a full-time writer for two years. It's not the most financially stable work, at least for a debut author, but so far so good, and it is my dream job. I have one novel on the shelves and two more done and sold.

What jobs/ways of earning money do you, and have you, had?

Prior to selling a book, I worked at a health food store, and before that, at Sears. (First job and all. Whee.)

Do you feel that unschooling has had an impact on what methods of earning money or jobs you're drawn to?

I think unschooling helped me know that I didn't have to settle for less than joy in my working life.

What impact do you feel unschooling has had on your life?

It is honestly as hard for me to imagine what my life would be like going to school as it would be to imagine being born in some far-off country. It's had a huge impact and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

What advice would you give to unschooling parents (or parents looking into unschooling)?

Don't be afraid if your kids seem to be playing all day. I incorporated all kinds of things into my play: Math! History! Music! But most importantly, I used stories and art to puzzle out the world around me as I grew, the big questions in life--love, death, war, religion, sex, gender...the list goes on. Taking in art, through books or movies or comic books or music or even video games, and making art through whatever medium(s) one prefers, is as necessary as breathing to being human. Art and stories are woven through the fabric of every subject, but I think sometimes school sucks things dry.

Don't be afraid if kids are bored sometimes. There is something on the other side of bored, and it's a wellspring of creativity and ambition that is all the better for a kid having to find it for themselves.

Don't be afraid if your kids don't seem to get as much social interaction as other kids. Contrary to current belief, children don't need to be around a group of children of their exact age all day every day to learn how to interact with other humans. In fact, I might argue that it's detrimental and artificial to do so, because the "real world" certainly isn't like that.

A Year in Posts

2010-12-31T20:20:00.000-05:00

Tonight, we say goodbye to the old year, and welcome in a new one (that link will only make sense if you like Doctor Who)! And because I like making lists, and all the cool kids are doing it anyway, I decided to do a year end roundup of posts from the past 12 months: one post from each month that I especially liked, or that was especially popular, or whatever other reason I come up with. It's really interesting going through old posts on this blog, to me, as I'm reminded of good days and bad, and see how my writing has grown and improved. I hope you enjoy this selection (which, let me tell you, was VERY hard for me to pick)!

January
The Worth of Mud
"The act of playing in mud is every bit as beautiful, in it's own way, as taking joy in a beautifully constructed story, or the flowing lines of a poem."

February
How I Learned to Read and Write (linked in Peter Gray's article Children Teach Themselves to Read)
"From the time I was tiny, the people around me, my parents, were regular readers. And from the time I was tiny, they read aloud to me. Poetry, the newspaper, picture books, you name it. Words were something I appreciated from a young age."

March
My 19th Birthday...
"On my birthday, the 16th of March, I woke up to a truly glorious day! Bright sunshine, and record breaking warm temperatures! How could I not be cheerful? I danced around the house with the sunlight streaming through the windows, and even when I woke my sister and we had a bit of a disagreement, it passed quickly and the day continued in it's joyous flow..."

April
Unschooling Gets Publicity...In a BIG way!
"Unschooling has been moving steadily into the mainstream awareness in the last few years. I've seen a marked increase in people talking about unschooling since I started paying attention to that type of thing a few years ago. But never have I seen this level of attention."

May
A Trip to Gaspe (One of my absolute favorite posts of the whole year, actually)

remembering a day
when the sky landed on the beach
to play in the waves
that stretched long fingers
over the sand

June
Bare Feet and Learning Connections (published on Enjoy Life Unschooling, not this blog)
"Unschoolers are the barefooted folk of the educational world. We’re the ones removing the barriers between our minds and the incredible array of experiences around us, kicking off constraints so we can feel the world as it truly is, in all its varied glory!"

July
Rain: A Poem

August
Cheap, Non-Chemically, DIY Body Care (aka, Baking Soda is Magic)
"There are many reasons I don't like store-bought shampoos, deodorants, soaps, creams, and other bodycare products. Even the "natural" ones, though mostly better than your average pharmacy brands, have chemicals I'd really rather not use, and also tend to be really pricey! I decided a while ago that there must be better options, and I'm slowly but surely going DIY for all of the products I used to buy from the store."

September
Misconceptions About Unschooling
"There are so, so many misconceptions out there, and most of the time I just let it all slide, but today I felt inspired to address a few of them..."

October
The Need For Schooling
"There are so many children in our world that need love, and food and shelter, and acceptance, and support, and trust. No one *needs* schooling!"

November
Storytelling: An Art With Many Forms, or Why TV Shows Are Cool
"There's a big difference between passive absorption and active engagement. The first is what I think most people against television picture when they think of TV: blank faced zombies sitting in absolute stillness in front of a flickering screen, their brains passively absorbing whatever passes over said screen. Yet in my house, that's not how watching TV works."

December
Unschooling is Not Relaxed Homeschooling (the only original post in December, actually, and also my most commented on post ever!)
"You cannot unschool part time: for two hours a day or every Friday or one week out of every month. Unschooling is a whole lifestyle and radically different way of looking at learning and life. It's not something you can just turn on and off!"

So there you have it! A year in posts. There is much more about the past year that could be said, but instead of continuing to sit in my room typing away on the computer, I'm going to go celebrate the beginning of a new year with my family.

So all that's really left for me to say is:

Happy New Year!!

A virtual toast to the health, happiness, and wellbeing of you and yours.

Unschooling: A Parental Perspective

2010-12-29T23:43:00.000-05:00

For a while now I've wanted to do an interview with my mother, and tonight we finally both sat down and did just that!

Grown Unschooler Cheyenne La Vallee: "Everyone has it in themselves to be passionate and motivated. "

2010-12-17T14:16:00.003-05:00

Welcome to the latest interview with a grown unschooler! If you'd like to participate in this project, go here, and if you'd like to read other interviews with grown unschoolers, go here. And now, meet Cheyenne La Vallee:

I am a Skwxwú7mesh-Kwakwaka’wakw youth from British Columbia. I have been raised in the Skwxwú7mesh (Squamish) community of Xwmelch’stn (Capilano) in North Vancouver, but my ancestry also comes from the Kwakwaka’wakw nation on northern Vancouver Island. For the past year, I've been working with my brother, sister and other community members to revive our culture, our language and traditions. Specifically the work I've been doing involves urban agriculture, community gardens and traditional plant knowledge.

When did you become an unschooler?
I became an unschooler when I read Grace Llewelyn’s the Teenage Liberation Handbook at 13 years old and then left school shortly after. But honestly, everyone is born with the abilities an unschooler has, it just gets beaten out of us after a few years of schooling and consuming mainstream media. Everyone has it in themselves to be passionate and motivated.

How long have you unschooled/did you unschool?
I’ve been unschooling for 4 years now.

How old are you now?
I’m seventeen years old.

If you chose to leave school, can you talk a bit about what led to that decision, and how the actual process of leaving went (how did your parents, friends, teachers, etc. react? What were the challenges you faced, and how did you overcome them?).
Around the time I left school, my mother became an elected official in our community and I was beginning to pay attention to the conversations that were going on around me, as well as in the world. I began to become aware of the common ideas or notions I was being told throughout my life were not true at all, so when my brother handed me the Teenage Liberation Handbook one afternoon, it was like another piece of the puzzle. It was also the sanest idea I ever heard!

Not everyone agreed, especially not my mom. She gave me an ultimatum, back to school or get a job, which never came into effect. I faced a lot of resistance from older family members and friends’ parents. It was hectic in my relationships afterwards, which is understandable; it was incredibly abnormal. I was 13 years old and no one could persuade, threaten, or bribe to go back to school. I had a strong will and was choosing for myself what kind of life I wanted to live. In retrospect, I probably would have approached people differently.

What do you think the best thing about unschooling is?
To unschool is to live. That’s it plain and simple. It’s to feel the fire in the belly and your mind explode; it’s to sit in the living room on a snowy night with a cup of tea while reading your favourite book until wee hours in the morning. It’s to wake up at 5 am to watch the sun rise and then go back to bed. It’s having that stranger sitting beside you become your best friend for the next hour. It’s going on a crazy adventure to listen to your favourite author talk in the next city. It’s volunteering at the art gallery or anarchist bookstore. Its life: anything you want it to be.

The canoe races this summer and a part of my canoe family.

What do you think the worst (or most difficult) thing about unschooling is?
In the beginning of my unschooling journey, I had many questions (what, where, how) and no tools to find the answers. I also had very little support or understanding from the people I needed it most from. Being shut down after trying to bring up the idea really makes one feel hopeless, especially when I was doing it mostly alone.

What jobs/ways of earning money do you, and have you, had?
My first job was an anti-oppression, arts-based employment-training program, being offered by this youth-run, arts/media centre. After that, I worked for a local community garden, mainly taking care of the garden, weeding and planting, but also asking questions whenever I could. The last job I had been with a non-profit, Environmental Youth Alliance, as an intern for six-months. It was such a rewarding job. There were roughly 12 interns, including myself, taking care of three community gardens E.Y.A. managed in the Downtown Eastside. I learned more about the city I live in, other ways of living and eating, gardening, and how valuable community places are.

Have you found work that's fulfilling and enjoyable?
I definitely have!

Have you found that unschooling has had an impact on how hard or easy it is to get jobs or earn money?
I think it has made finding work easier for me. I only apply for jobs that I have an interest in, or at least a reason for applying, like it helps me save up for a goal. My enthusiasm comes out and I find it increases my likelihood of getting the job.

Do you feel that unschooling has had an impact on what methods of earning money or jobs you're drawn to?
The material I’ve read/found online, like Grace Llewelyn’s The Teenage Liberation handbook, Blake Bole’s College Without High School and his website, Zero Tuition College as well as other unschooling blogs has helped me figure out different ways of doing things in general. It also helped me understand getting a minimum wage job isn’t the only option I have. There are other ways of getting money to do cool things.

What impact do you feel unschooling has had on your life?
It has been an extremely positive one. It has helped me cross that superficial realm in what it means to be an indigenous woman living in modern times. Before all I knew about who I was, where I come from, and what I wanted to be was driven by school and my peers, which is a pretty horrible place to figure out who you are. The main goal of school and mainstream media, especially for First Nations people, is to assimilate us into Western society. After leaving school, I started to become more involved in the community, participating in culture events, and taking an active step in learning my language, territory and politics.

My brother, sister and I.

If you could go back in time, is there anything about your learning/educational journey that you'd change?
No, there isn’t anything I’d change, I don’t think I would have as much understanding of how life is without the mistakes and challenges I’ve faced. Even if I might have missed an opportunity because of not doing anything seemingly productive, there is and will always be millions more to come.

If you were to have children, would you choose to unschool them?
Without a doubt, I would never send my children to compulsory schools. It goes against my entire life!

What advice would you give to teens looking to leave high school?
Be gentle on yourself, but be courageous. Listen to the people who question whether you are doing something right or wrong and then move on. Only you can define your life.