Against the Current: Talk from the Toronto Unschooling Conference

I just arrived home yesterday from the Toronto Unschooling Conference, which was a truly lovely weekend.  Talking to lots of cool people, hanging out and just relaxing...  And, of course, presenting a talk.  Being the perfectionist that I am, I still have some feelings of oh, I should have written the talk sooner.  I should have practiced it more.  I should have spoken slower.  But honestly?  Overall I'm pretty happy with how it went!

It really is too long for a blog post, yet unlike last year's talk, I really don't feel like this one can be broken up into multiple posts.  So, I shall simply post it all despite it's length, with a "read more" option so people who aren't interested don't have to scroll forever to get to older posts...  So, here it is!

Against the Current

Introduction

When I was six, I went to a street fair with my mother.  My little sister was probably there, too.  There were booths, from different companies and organizations, as there are at every street fair I’ve ever been to.  One of them was about the meat industry—it was probably PETA—and I think that’s the first time my young self made the connection between those furry and feathery creatures I so enjoyed spending time with, and the food on my plate.  Right then and there, I decided I was no longer going to eat meat.

I don’t even truly remember this incident.  When I try and pull it up in my mind, all I get is the shadowy almost-memory of a story told so many times, you can almost see yourself there.  My mother is the one who always told me this story, until I got older and started repeating it myself to those who queried me in-depth about my dietary choices.

I didn’t stop eating meat right away.  As determined as I was at six, Chicken McNuggets and hot dogs proved too much of a temptation right up until I was eight and gave those up for good, too.

But the decision was made at six, the summer after my parents pulled me out of kindergarten, and looking back now, I feel like that was probably the first major decision I made in my life that went against the current.  It seemed like everyone else ate meat, but this was not something I wanted to participate in.  This is yet another time when I’m so grateful to have parents that supported such a decision, despite my young age.

Now, this isn’t meant as a morality tale.  Though I still don’t eat meat, I’m not interested in convincing people to change their diets, and that’s definitely not the point of this speech.

It’s just an interesting example of how making decisions counter to those of the dominant culture started early on in my life.

Just by virtue of unschooling, all of us here have made a radically different choice in how we live and learn than that of the mainstream.  Whether you chose to never send your kids to school, pulled them out later on, or decided yourself to leave school, it was a huge decision, likely accompanied by much soul-searching and thought.  Possibly also a large amount of reading and researching and discussion.  Maybe you just followed what felt right.  But whatever path lead you away from schooling, I’m sure the impact of that choice was felt in a profound way.

Yet as big a thing as unschooling is in our lives, sometimes I think it isn’t apparent to others just how very many choices we’re making differently in our day-to-day lives.  Not only does the unschooled child answer with a shrug and a “why on earth should I know that??” look when asked what grade they’re in, the unschooled parent winces when they hear a parent, as so often happens, threaten to leave their child (who is very much enjoying themselves sitting on the plastic pony in the mall) behind if they don’t come right now!  The unschooled parent likely doesn’t understand how parents can scold their children for getting dirty, or rejoice at the beginning of each school year, or if they do understand, they shake their head sadly at their memories of a less enlightened time.

As an unschooling teen, one may make sympathetic noises when their friends complain about being grounded yet again, while secretly just not getting it.  Not allowed to go anywhere?  Why would parents do that?  And why are they listening, anyway?  Can’t they just… walk out?

Then there are the news stories on TV about back-to-school, the article in the paper about the importance of preschool in a child’s later “academic success”, the advertisement on the bus shelter about the failure a person will be if they don’t go to university…

In a hundred different ways or more, day by day, the society around us is telling unschoolers what they’re doing is wrong.

And that’s just unschooling.  If you’ve also made other different and radical choices in how you live, if your views on many other things are very different from the dominant culture, it gets even worse.

So how do you navigate in a world where you live so differently from those around you?  How do you find and maintain community?  How do you deal with the constant pressure to conform to the edicts of the dominant culture?  These are questions I think a lot about in my own life, and am continually attempting to answer.

Interviewed on The Unschooler Experiment Podcast #14: Not Alone in the Woods

Not too long ago I had a very nice conversation with Peter Kowalke, creator of the Grown Without Schooling documentary, writer/editor of the blog The Unschooler Experiment, and producer of a podcast of the same name.  And now that conversation is featured in The Unschooler Experiment Podcast #14: Not Alone in the Woods.  Listen by clicking the link just provided, or the below photo.

 

As usual when I do any type of interview, I always start thinking, as soon as I've finished, of all the things I wish I'd said differently.  However, I genuinely enjoyed this conversation, so I think that's probably a good sign! Let me know what you think.

The Ignorant Commenters Strike Again: "But You Have to Learn to Get Along With People You Don't Like!"

"But you have to learn to get along with people you don't like!" Says yet another commenter on the latest mainstream media piece on unschooling (and Sudbury Valley Schools, in this case).

I'm baffled by just how nonsensical (to borrow one of my sister's favorite words) the reactions people have on first hearing about unschooling often are, but this might just be one of the most baffling.  Because it seems to imply that unschoolers never see any people.  Ever.  School is obviously the only place where children and teens can find and interact with other human beings.  Obviously.

The people who make such statements must believe the above.  Otherwise, how could they possibly think that I, or other unschoolers, never meet (or met) people we don't like?

I can think of plenty of people I don't get along with, or don't particularly like.  The kid who used to be one of my sister's best friends.  The guy who derails the conversation at every workshop he attends.  Multiple people I had to work with when I went to Cadets.  Various extended family members.  Hell, a few people I've met at Not Back to School Camp and conferences!

Sadly, life is filled with people who, to put it bluntly, are assholes.  People who treat others poorly.  Bullies.  People who don't seem to realize that working respectfully with others is even an option.  You can (and will) definitely find those people in school.  But, even if you never set foot in a school, you'll still find those people.  The whole thing with living and learning in the real world is that, well, you tend to run into the things commonly found in, you know, the real world.

All sarcasm aside, people definitely do need to learn how to work with people whom you don't particularly get along with, but you definitely don't need a special place to do that.  You just need to live.

Now, I also think it's important to note that what I'm talking about is just "not getting along," or not particularly liking someone.  Dealing with low-grade assholes.  I wonder if some of the people who question whether unschoolers will ever learn to get along with people they don't like, are actually just making a softer statement to the effect that Kids Need to be Bullied to Get Tough.  'Cause that's a whole different issue!

And it probably won't surprise anyone when I say that abuse, no matter what form it takes, is never something hat should be considered "good" or "character building."  Just picture me saying NO in the most forceful possible way.

Comments on internet articles are often a toxic place to read, but they can be useful (they've sparked many posts before, for instance!) in seeing what a lot of people actually think, and can be used to call out ignorance and bigotry, and share some actual truth and experience instead.

I feel like I've said most of what I say in this post before, but I've decided to take hold of any spark of blog-writing inspiration that comes along, and to let go of an attempt at perfection, because otherwise, i won't end up writing anything at all!

So there you have it.  And now I'm wondering what you thought of the latest mainstream article on unschooling and Sudbury schools?  Did you read the comments, and if so, did any thoughts or posts (share the link!) stem from doing so?

Sudbury: the Unschooling Schools, a Guest Post by Bruce L. Smith

I've wanted to share some guest posts on freeschooling and democratic schools on this blog for a while now, and with the recent article on CNN talking about both unschooling and Sudbury schools, this article seems particularly relevant!  So I am very happy to present to you Bruce L. Smith on the Sudbury model schools:

After a few years’ teaching in the public schools of Columbia, Missouri, Bruce L. Smith left to find his true calling as an advocate for the Sudbury model of education. Bruce has founded and/or worked for Sudbury schools in Illinois, Florida, and Colorado, where he’s been on staff at Alpine Valley School since 1998. In 2005 he created the Center for Advancing Sudbury Education to promote the visibility and viability of this uniquely empowering form of schooling. More of Bruce’s writings on the subject can be found at http://www.alpinevalleyschool.com/blog and http://news.change.org/authors/bruce-smith.

I’ve known about unschooling for a long time, and I’ve long been struck by its resonance with the Sudbury model of education. For the past fourteen years I’ve worked for these “unschooling schools,” so when Idzie called for guest posts on the subject, I was excited at the chance to share my views on our respective approaches to self-directed learning.

The Sudbury model was first unveiled in 1968 by Sudbury Valley School in west suburban Boston. Since then it’s spread to a few dozen schools (about two-thirds of them in North America), all based on two simple premises: first, that children are innately, powerfully curious, driven to understand and master the world around them; and second, that the best education recognizes and respects this basic truth, allowing all young people the freedom and responsibility to discover their individual paths.

While a number of schools talk this talk, I find Sudbury unusually thorough in also walking the walk. As with unschoolers, Sudbury students freely chart the course of their days, months, and years. There’s no hierarchy of pursuits (e.g., academic vs. hands-on), and all learning happens organically—self-initiated, self-directed, and self-evaluated. Classes and other structured learning situations (e.g., internships) do have a place at Sudbury schools, but only as students seek them out. The bulk of learning at Sudbury schools comes in the course of daily life, and much of it takes the form of play and conversation.

In fact, the philosophical similarities between unschooling and Sudbury schooling are so extensive, I’ve often borrowed from the thoughts of unschoolers to help assure families that trusting their children’s drive is not only valid, but leads to the most effective learning. And that in turn reminds me that unschoolers and Sudbury families have this in common as well: many of our relatives, friends, and acquaintances think we’re crazy and/or putting our children at risk. So sharing our successes—concrete reminders, large and small, of how (and how well) freedom works—seems like one big favor we could do for each other.

Beyond their faith in young people’s nature and competence, what really makes Sudbury schools unique is that their structure is determined by the people directly involved. That is, everything from the rules to the budget to hiring is shaped by a democratic process in which a student’s vote is equal to that of any adult. This structure is flexible—within each Sudbury school, and among the various schools—and changes can be made at any time.

So how do Sudbury schools act like schools? Well, first of all, we do have these physical facilities where students gather on a daily basis. Attendance requirements are partly a legal matter, partly a means of ensuring continuity in the school community. Yet as I’ve suggested, there is significant flexibility here: at my school, for instance, students can arrive anywhere between 8 and 11am, and are required to stay only five hours (though our school is open nine hours, and many students stay past the minimum). With an Open Campus policy, most Sudbury students can come and go freely throughout the day, so long as they fulfill their commitments at school.

And these commitments are fairly modest. A Judicial Committee meets regularly to handle complaints about people’s behavior, and people are expected to serve turns on the committee and testify as needed. Also, Sudbury students are typically expected to do periodic cleaning chores. School governance is overseen by a weekly meeting that reviews the work of the Judicial Committee and considers proposals regarding rules and activities that could affect the normal flow of the day (e.g., field trips, parties, visitors). Then there are clerks and committees to whom much of the school’s business is delegated, along with certification (aimed at ensuring safe, responsible use of school equipment) and age-mixing (Sudbury schools are open to ages roughly corresponding to grades K-12).

In this environment, students not only learn to take responsibility for their own education: they also see what it takes to maintain an institution—though much of that organizational learning is optional. Students can attend School Meeting, serve on committees, and become clerks…or not. They’re expected to abide by the decisions of these bodies and officials, but their involvement is not required. Again, attendance, Judicial Committee, and chores are the only mandatory activities—and even here, students can work to change the relevant policies and requirements. Beyond these areas, students are free to do their own thing, so long as they respect everyone else’s right to do likewise.

In addition to all the freedom and flexibility, Sudbury schools also provide an ongoing, mixed-age community in which young people share responsibility for maintaining a culture of respect. Having such a space outside the family sphere gives our students the benefits of a diverse and vibrant “home away from home,” stretching them to try new things, new ways of thinking and being. In this dynamic, Sudbury students develop superlative interpersonal skills. There are constant opportunities to assess and regulate one’s behavior, and to work with people with whom one doesn’t already have a familial bond. Shy kids learn to speak up for themselves; overly assertive kids learn when and how to hold back. All eventually come into their own in the most thrilling ways imaginable.

Indeed, Sudbury schools foster a greater degree of autonomy and personal strength than I’ve seen anywhere else. These are indispensable qualities, since we all know that learning is not simply about pursuing our passions, but also figuring out how to realize those passions in contexts where people are not predisposed to assist us. Not all learning is sought: some is presented to us in the form of interruptions or obstacles—the people we don’t like or don’t get along with, but with whom we must co-exist; the hoops we must jump through to get what we want; things we’d rather put off indefinitely, but which must be done or learned before we can get where we’re going.

Bottom line, the Sudbury model is easily the most empowering form of education I’ve experienced in two decades as an educator: our students exhibit a maturity far beyond their years, while retaining the best child-like qualities. Articulate and self-possessed, they exemplify confidence and playfulness. Full of enthusiasm and free from fear, they are remarkably adept at knowing and becoming who they are, identifying and achieving their goals.

It is a good, good thing to celebrate the commonality and the diversity of our beliefs and practices. Unschoolers and Sudbury families alike face a status quo that seeks to invalidate us and make it unnecessarily difficult for us to follow our hearts. Getting to know each other’s approach better, sharing our ideas and success stories, and working to build acceptance for what we do can only help as we lay the groundwork for a future in which all children are truly free.

Insecurities and an Anniversary: Three Years Blogging and Writing from the Heart

So, I haven't been writing here much lately.  Actually, it's been a month since I wrote anything at all!  Part of that reason was the Summer Montreal Unschoolers Gathering (which was really wonderful.  I'd write a post about it except I didn't take any pictures, and just words seems like it would be boring...).  But most of the reasons I haven't been writing here lately are the same reasons I haven't been writing all that much in the last several months: writers block, not being able to find topics that really catch my fancy, trying to focus on things not related to computers...  And largely, not feeling able to talk about what I'm feeling on this blog.

I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. celebrated it's third birthday yesterday (though there wasn't much celebrating since I didn't realize until today that yesterday was the third anniversary of this blog!).  When I started writing it, I had a vague idea that I wanted to prove to both myself, and whatever rare reader stumbled across my blog, that unschoolers really do learn things all the time.  That unschooling really "works."  But as I grew more confident in unschooling, and as my writing/blogging skills improved, I started to focus less on my-unschooling-life-as-it-happens, and more on the philosophy of unschooling, using my life to illustrate the points I was trying to make.  I enjoyed (and still enjoy) writing that type of post.  Apparently, so do other people!  I started, as most blogs do, with virtually no readers (family doesn't count).  And now, three years later, just through Blogger's follower tracker (which only counts people who have a Blogger account and choose to follow this blog through their account) I have nearly 430 followers.  This blog's Facebook page has over 1,800 fans.  This blog has gotten big!  And through blogging, I'm speaking at a conference again this fall (possibly two, as I've been invited to a vague conference that may or may not be happening in Montreal, as well), am recognized by name at most education things I go to, and have been asked (though whether I say yes or not depends on a lot of things) for film, radio, article, and blog post interviews.

I was really excited for awhile about all that.  To a lesser extent, I still am!  But I've realized there's a huge downside.

Many people seem to look at me now as a Voice Of Unschooling, and I find myself thinking, did I do that?  I guess I did, though I didn't really realize what I was doing.  I like sharing my unschooling experiences,  so that's what I've been doing for the last three years, but I guess I just never knew it would get so big.

Because now I feel like there's a lot of pressure.  As a Voice Of Unschooling, not only am I expected to say smart things, and the things I say are often taken very seriously, but my voice is taken as speaking for all unschoolers.  Not always, of course, but it feels like it often enough to make me uncomfortable.  I don't speak for all unschoolers.  I just speak from the perspective of an Idzie!  And yes, my perspective is based on actual experience: it's valid, and thought out.  But it's still mine, not any one groups'.

So it's hard to write about what's really on my mind right now (or the things that have been on my mind since last fall, really), because the things that are are on my mind are both deeply personal, and I'm afraid would reflect badly on unschooling.

Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it: I don't think, especially right now, that my life is a good example of unschooling.  I feel like I've somehow put myself on this pedestal, with lots of people looking up at me, and I'm just going what?  How did this happen?  I'm not the person you think I am!!  I'm insecure, I deal with a lot of self-hatred, I'm not earning any money (did you hear that??  I'm 20 and I'm still living off of my parents!  Doesn't that make me a failure at life??), I really, really don't know what to do with myself...

And it would be different if this blog still had a smaller readership (not that I'm complaining: I still am proud of what I've accomplished in regards to this blog, and honored that so many people want to read it).  When fewer people read this blog, I knew that pretty much all of them were supportive.  But now?  I know I could get some comments that, in the state I've been in for much of the past months, I wouldn't be well equipped to handle.  And there's this huge pressure--knowing that people look to this site for information when writing articles on unschooling, or send the link to the disapproving grandparents--that they'll see my insecurities and failures, and go "oh, grown unschoolers are insecure failures!" (because you know that everyone blames unschooling).

Which is one of the main reasons I've been writing so little on this blog lately.  And it's also why this post had to be written.  Because to me, writing has always been about honest expression: I'm not happy unless what I'm writing feels genuine.  So, I am putting a few of my worries out there to be seen and possibly judged, because I want this blog, no matter how big it gets, to be an honest expression of what I'm thinking and feeling, in regards to education and my life in general.

But, I still don't think I'm going to be writing all that much in the coming days.  Please be patient as I sort out my life.

Teenage Rebellion: An Unschooling, Respectfully Parented Perspective

There seems to be the almost universal belief among North American parents (I'm sure this is a phenomena found elsewhere as well, but I'm just talking about what I've personally seen) that their kids, whether these are theoretical future children or actual kids, and whether they have yet to reach their teen years or not, will hate or at the very least dislike them.  Teenagers hate their parents: everyone knows that.

My mother has told me that when my sister and I were small, she used to say to my father that he had to take over primary parental duties once we hit our teen years.  She's told me that she loved being a parent, and loved spending time with us, right from the get-go, but being surrounded by warnings of "wait until they become teenagers!" she always thought that would change when we got older.

Out for a Fall walk in 2008. We so obviously hate each other.

I suppose it's actually a very reasonable belief that your teens will dislike you: after all, most teens I know and have known do dislike their parents!  What isn't true though is that that dislike is inevitable.

The dreaded teenage years came in my family, and likely to my parents surprise, nothing horrible happened.  I mean, problems came up in day to day life, for sure, but looking back, I actually think that in terms of parent-child relationships and issues over "discipline" type stuff the teen years were (and are, as my sister is still a teen) smoother than when we were younger.  I attribute this to the fact that it was a constant progress over the years from more traditional parenting to more respectful parenting (which mirrored our transition from relaxed homeschoolers to unschoolers).

Though there are definitely unschooling parents/teens who don't have very good relationships with their teens/parents, it seems that the majority of unschoolers really and truly do.  Which to me, is a wonderful thing to see.  And I believe the reason for that is actually pretty simple.

When the subject of "teenage rebellion" comes up now, my mother is fond of saying "why would you rebel, since there wasn't really anything to rebel against?"

Now, I think there is an important distinction to be made here: some parents proudly brag about how their teens aren't "rebellious," and what they really mean is that their children are obedient to their parents wishes (or, possibly more likely, are simply very good at hiding the aspects of their life that their parents would disapprove of).  When I say that most unschoolers I know, myself included, don't or didn't "rebel" against our parents in our teen years, I don't mean it's because we fit the perfect-child model of some narrow-minded authoritarian-parenting suburbanite.

While I've never been very big into alcohol or drugs, I definitely drank long before the legal drinking age (though admittedly the whole culture in my home province of Quebec is very different from the rest of North America, in that virtually everyone drinks at least some amount from the time they hit their teens, with the parents knowledge).  My sister, who turns 18 (legal drinking age in Quebec) this summer, has been going to bars since she was 15 or 16, with my parents knowledge (again, very common practice in Montreal).  Both my sister and I have been openly anti-state, anti-hierarchy, and anti-authority for years.  I've dyed my hair unusual colours, shaved the sides of my head, and worn clothes throughout my teen years that plenty of parents I know would have disapproved of.  Sometimes we stay out late into the night.  We've been known to participate in Pagan religious rituals.  We swear frequently.  We hang out with people who are big into drugs.  If all those things were listed entirely out of context, it would probably sound like we were the people that many parents warn their kids about (then again, for all I know, parents have warned their kids about us...)!

This was taken last summer, but I still have the same haircut (though I need to shave the sides again).

So why do we get along so well with our parents?  It's pretty simple: control.  Or, more accurately, the lack of control.

Think of the things that most commonly cause friction between teens and their parents: breaking curfew, bad marks in school, skipping school, using drugs, subscribing to different religious and political views than their parents, disobeying parents...

Compare this to a respectful unschooling parent: no school, no marks, no curfews, no orders, and a belief that teens are entitled to their own beliefs.

I want to make it clear though that being a respectful parent doesn't mean agreeing with or approving of everything your teen does: it just means accepting and not attempting to control what they do.  Thus a parent that's strongly anti-drugs of all types might share all their opinions on the issue with their teens, give them information on why they believe what they do, etc.  Yet despite that, they wouldn't ground, punish, or shame their teen if they came home high.  In a mutually respectful relationship, teens are far more likely to genuinely take their parents opinions into account when deciding what they want to do, but teens are still their own complete and autonomous people, and will make the choices they deem best for themselves in the end.

My mum, sis and I all attend this event, and my father cheerfully lets me tell him all about it.

Parents in general, from the most to least mainstream out there, all seem to frequently express a wish that their children communicate with them and be honest with them.  Yet what the more authoritarian and punitive parents seem oblivious too is that no one is going to be honest with someone else if they know that by being honest, they're opening themselves up to be yelled at, punished, shamed, or treated with anything less than respect.  Those parents also don't seem to realize that good communication has to work both ways: parents can't expect their children to spill all the secrets of their lives, all their important thoughts and deeds, to someone who thinks their own personal life is none of their kids business.

I also want to make it clear that I don't, and didn't when I was still in my teens (having just turned 20 a couple of months ago, I still have trouble remembering I'm no longer a teen!), tell my parents everything.  I'm my own person, with my own life, and some things stay private.  Sometimes because it's something very personal, or a secret not mine to share, and sometimes it's because I know it would worry or upset them to know something.  Yes, occasionally I keep things (and have kept things in the past) I know my parents would disapprove of away from them, not because of any fear that I would "get in trouble" or anything like that, but simply because I don't want them upset or worried about things they ultimately have no control over. 


My (and my sister's) relationship with my parents is really good.  We talk to each other about everything from how we've been feeling, what we've been doing, interesting links online or news stories, what our friends are up to...  We don't stray away from subjects such as drug use and other illegal activity.  I'll cheerfully announce that a friend is taking up graffiti, and Emi will call to say she's headed out to a bar after band practice, so expect her home late.  I've never worried about coming home smelling like weed.  And because of the relationship we have, my sister and I have never hesitated to get our parents help when we're worried about a friend doing hard drugs, and we'd never hesitate to call instead of driving home with someone who's drunk. 

I'm incredibly grateful for the relationship I have with my parents, and that my parents are the people that they are.

So in conclusion, here are my very inexpert opinions on what makes a good parent-teen bond: respect, honesty, communication, and a lack of coercion and control.  Basically?  Treating each other like full and complete human beings, with different desires, beliefs, aspirations, and experiences.  It's such a simple concept: don't be your teen's enforcer, be their partner.  And if more parents acted this way?  Well, then I think we'd start seeing a hell of a lot less of this "teen rebellion" thing!

A Parental Right?

Whenever I hear people saying things like "Unschooling obviously wouldn't work for everyone, but parents should have a right to choose what's best for their kids," or one of the hundred other variants on that same sentiment, I always feeling a niggling sense of unease.  It's never a statement I've agreed with.  But until recently, I wasn't entirely sure why it bothered me!  I mean, there's the obvious in that I believe unschooling can work for anyone, as unschooling is really free choice in education, so a child could choose something very structured, like their parent teaching them with a curriculum or going to school.  But there was something more than that bothering me, and I only realized yesterday what it was.

That type of statement puts the focus on parental rights.  "It's a parents right to educate their children however they choose!"

But to me?  Unschooling isn't about parental rights.  It's about children's rights.  A childs right to choose their own path in life, with the support and assistance of parental or other care-giving figures in their life.

Me and my sister, playing on the beach. (I needed a picture of kids, so why not one of my sis and I?)

In a society where children are truly an oppressed class, denied the rights given to older people, I suppose it shouldn't be surprising that something I see as potentially majorly liberating for children, the right to take control of their own education, is couched as being a parental right instead.  For sure, I think it's important for parents to have the right to make decisions about their children's care, instead of the government or other powerful institutions, but in talking about a "parents right to unschool," I feel like we're taking away the power, in words at the very least, and words to a large extent shape thoughts, from the children themselves.  And that's definitely not something I think anyone should be doing.

Am I, once again, just quibbling over small details in the language used?  Perhaps.  But when something unsettles me, even if it seems like just a small something, I feel it's important to examine why, and I often just like working out or sharing my reasoning here on the blog!

Trips and Ukuleles and Anarchists, Oh My!

I do believe this marks the longest time I've gone without blogging since I started this blog almost three years ago.  Part of me feels like I should apologize, but a much bigger part of me is down with the whole blogging without obligation idea, and even more importantly, realizes that I've been mentally/emotionally not really able to blog.  I just haven't been in the right head-space.  I've been dealing with some pretty high levels of anxiety and stress, and have felt a strong need to retreat from more public areas of expression and instead focus on spending time with friends, meeting new people in real life, and otherwise trying to maintain and build my community.  I'm not sure what most of the things I want and need to change in my life are, though I'm well aware that some changes need to be made, but I do know that having a strong community and network of friends is one of them.

So now that you know a bit about how I've been feeling, I figured I'd update you on what I've been doing since last I posted anything here.

Near the beginning of this month, my sister and I went to a small NBTSC gathering in New York state.  A friend swung a few hours out of her way to pick me and my sister up, and we had a nice little roadtrip through the mountains to a small and really lovely town.  There we stayed, with a handful of other people, at the house of the friends who were hosting us.  And what a lovely house it is!  Which for me, someone who absolutely ADORES old buildings, was quite a big plus. (I didn't take many pictures, so I'm afraid the few I have aren't so hot)

A skatter of instruments and luggage.

I think this shot is "atmospheric," but some might say it's just "dark."

How come new houses don't have awesomely long hallways?

Emi has a ukulele!

Part way through the gathering, Emi picked up a ukulele, and asked her friends to teach her some chords.  Then she proceeded to not put down a ukulele for the rest of the time we were there (except for brief breaks to use the bathroom and sleep)!  In three days, she went from having never played a stringed instrument to knowing several songs on the uke well enough that she could sing along with them as she played!  I'd say that's passion driven learning at it's best, and yet another example that passion driven learning is the best kind there is.

On the day we left we stopped at a music store, and Emi picked out and bought her own ukulele before we headed out of town, so we were serenaded frequently on our drive home.

Her playing has become less frequent in the couple of weeks since we got home, but we'll still hear the sweet sound of the ukulele at least once a day, so it seems to have become a real part of daily life.  So I decided to record her playing, and singing, one of my favorite songs in her repetoire, Over The Rainbow:

Over the Rainbow on ukulele from Idzie Desmarais on Vimeo.

Now, a few years ago I heard about Couchsurfing.org (at my first year of Not Back to School Camp, I believe), a website that is "a worldwide network for making connections between travelers and the local communities they visit."  Things I love about this site is the sheer size of the network it provides (it's the biggest and best known site of it's kind), the fact there are multiple safety thingies built into the site, and the fact that it's free.  As in, the hosts don't charge their guests, just offer a spare bed, futon, couch, or floor space to travelers because they WANT to meet cool people from all over the world!  I also really like that you don't set up an account as *either* a host or surfer, and that most people on the site seem to both host and surf.  So anyway, I think the idea is really cool, so I got an account as soon as I was able to, which was at 18 (I could have just lied about age as everyone does on most sites, of course, but since there's real life verification stuff involved, and I wasn't planning any couchsurfing adventures just then, I figured I'd just wait!).  But then for a while, it just sat there.  The traveling I was doing was to conferences and the houses of people I already knew, and no one contacted me through CS about surfing, so I pretty much forgot about it.  But in the new year, I actually started getting contacted by people through the site, though not many and nothing worked out, until something did work out and we had our first couchsurfer here for the Montreal Anarchist Bookfair, which was just this past weekend!

I find it really cool that though she found me through couchsurfing, she's a former unschooler and NBTSCer (Not Back to School Camper), so we already had friends in common!  We hit it off really well, and for the five days she was here, I had a great time. We wandered the city, helped set up for the bookfair, ate yummy food, chattered through long bus rides, hung out at the bookfair a bunch, met lots of cool people, bought some cool shit, lay around in the sun, went to a seriously awesome punk show...  Photos would probably make things look more interesting, but I have none.  Anyway, a very good time was had, which is good, because I was really looking forward to the bookfair this year, and also really looking forward to my first couchsurfing hosting experience, so it's lovely that everything actually met my expectations (which doesn't happen as often as I'd like)!

Sadly, after that week of partying (around people bringing germs from all over the continent, no less), I got sick.  So I've had a sore throat for a few days now.  Seems to be getting better, but even just a few days of not being able to talk are hard for my chatterbox self!  I think that's what finally spurred me to actually write a post, really: if I can't use my voice, I'm forced to "talk" in other ways!  Even then, this post took me three days to finish.  Like I said, I haven't been able to easily write publicly lately.  Right now, I feel like I might be ready to write a bit more on this blog again, but I'm not sure whether that feeling will change or not.  Lately, hell, for months really, I seem to be swinging between "yay I love my friends, I love the world, life is great!" and "everything sucks, I really suck, I can't handle anything except basic hygiene, maybe a bit of time with people, and reading fantasy novels."  So I suppose time will tell...

I hope all my readers are doing well, and I want to let you guys know how much I appreciate you all, the support you've provided over the years I've been writing this blog, and the fact you stick around even when I go long periods without writing much or at all!