When You're An Unschooler, Ignorance is the Greatest Sin

The other day as I was driving somewhere with my sister, I turned to her thoughtfully and asked "do you feel like you've learned to hide when you don't know something so people don't blame it on unschooling? Because I feel like I do that automatically." She agreed that she did that as well. "It's not a good thing, though" she said. "It's not," I agreed, "but it is a thing."

Growing up as an unschooler, it often feels like people are watching you like a hawk, just waiting for you to stumble, so they can shout "aha, I knew unschooling wasn't a good idea!" You never want to provide fuel for other people's judgement, so it becomes easier to just pretend you know what's going on around you, or that you understand that unfamiliar word someone just used. Most people, regardless of their education, tend to do this to some extent, but I think unschoolers and homeschoolers can fall into the trap of doing this to a much larger extent, just because we know that our ignorance will likely be taken as a reflection of an entire philosophy and community.

It strikes me as rather ironic that those most concerned with how much unschoolers do or don't know, those who frequently decide it's appropriate to quiz people as soon as they discover their educational background, are actually making it harder for unschoolers to learn. If you learn that expressing curiosity around strangers comes with the risk they'll react badly to it based on your education, you're going to quickly stop asking as many questions, and thus miss out on learning a lot of interesting things!

My ignorance is great when it comes to drawing.
I am, however, quite good at cooking!

I'm trying to unlearn that habit now, as an adult, since as my sister noted, it really isn't a good thing. But right now I still only really feel comfortable showing ignorance around trusted people: either unschoolers and unschooling types, or trusted friends from different communities who I know won't judge me for it, or think that unschooling has led to my, you know, not knowing everything.

Lest it sound like I think unschoolers are less curious because of this, I don't think that's the case at all. I just think the widespread judgement we face can, sometimes, lead to people being more cautious of which environments they express that curiosity in.

Which, no matter how you look at it, is just a real shame.

Quizzing is For School, Not Life

Ah, quizzing. People in any type of formal education are probably familiar with the official kind, the test kind, but for the crowds of homeschoolers and unschoolers especially, we learn early on to dread the questions coming as soon someone finds out you don't go to school. "What's 8 times 8?" "What's the capital of China?"

There's an easy way to separate quizzing from plain old asking of questions, and it's this:

Questions asked in curiosity, asked because you want to know the answer for yourself, is the way a question is generally best asked. When you instead quiz someone, ask them a question you know the answer to just to see if they know it, too, it becomes something entirely different. It becomes an attempt to assert yourself as smarter, more accomplished, superior. An attempt to bump yourself up higher on the perceived knowledge hierarchy. Anyone who, as a child, has had another child ask "do YOU know what that means?" or had an adult bend down and with the greatest of condescension ask them a question that adult most certainly already know the answer to, knows just what that looks and feels like.

You'd think that it would end as an adult, though, wouldn't you? That adults would at the very least treat other adults with enough courtesy to not quiz each other unless invited to. Yet that obviously isn't the case, as I've learned. It happens sometimes still because of unschooling, such as when, a year or two ago, someone tried to ask me a math question upon finding out I hadn't gone to school. And at an unschooling conference a couple of years ago, my sister (then 18) got in a conversation with a family staying in the same hotel who weren't part of our group, where as soon as they discovered what type of conference was going on one promptly asked her a question about physics. She doesn't tend to let herself be pushed around, so responded simply "I don't think that's usually how you introduce yourself to someone you've just met." The quizzer was embarrassed, and his family apologized, commenting that "he's a teacher!" which I suppose was supposed to convey that he just couldn't help himself. Yet more frequently than that rude quizzing from complete strangers, I think it often happens among people who do know each other, by individuals who just don't think about how condescending their queries are likely to sound.

Last spring, I was happily telling a friend who's very into wild edibles and wild skills about how I'd been harvesting and eating fiddleheads, and the first thing he said was "how did you know they were the right species?" taken aback, I explained that they had the correct groove in them. "Other non-edible ferns have that too." still feeling rather off balanced, I added that they also had the correct papery bits, at which point he nodded, satisfied.

I was left feeling angry and hurt though. The lack of respect for my judgement shown with that question, to think I'd eat a wild food without feeling confident in my identification, was insulting, and that someone I considered a friend thought nothing of quizzing me was rather hurtful. I recognize it was likely coming from a place of concern, and when friends do this I'm sure there's no bad intention behind it. Yet it still ends up coming out badly!

There are appropriate times to quiz people, of course. Times when you've entered into a relationship where you expect that from someone: you've accepted someone as a teacher or mentor for a specific subject, you're attending a workshop or class, or you've asked a friend to quiz you on a particular set of knowledge you're trying to get to stick. That's the type of quizzing that's actually helpful and beneficial.

But if someone hasn't asked for it, that's it. Just don't, no matter the age of the person you're tempted to quiz. Instead, save questions for when you don't know something, and want to know more. Ask questions out of curiosity and fascination and excitement and a desire to learn more. That's what questions are meant to be all about.

Uncollege, Hackschooling, and When Success and Profit Hijack the Message

I've been grumbling and grumping periodically (on the blog Facebook page, Twitter, and other online haunts) about the problems I have with the uncollege/education hacking movements for over a year now. People have reacted differently, some saying I'm being overly critical, some agreeing, and some just saying then WRITE something already explaining your stance instead of just complaining! Those latter people are probably right, in that perhaps it would have been a good idea to write about that ages ago, but at the same time, I don't think the timing was right. I haven't been in quite the right head-space.

I finally got the push I needed when I read a post a few days ago by Jessica over at College Rebellion. Several things came together: that post, the post she links (When "Life Hacking" is Really White Privilege, which I read a month or two ago and which has really stuck with me), and a quote I remembered posting many months ago. Suddenly it wasn't just that I felt vaguely uncomfortable almost every time I read something about uncollege or education hacking, now I had an actual post in my head. A place to start.

"Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, [is] jumping on the 'self-directed learning' bandwagon these days.

And they are bringing to it all the same old bullshit - children who are 'more'. More curious, more motivated, more more more.

So let me put my position out there. For me this lifestyle is about a principle and that alone - offering as free a life as possible to my children and myself. It's not about making a little super genius, super diverse interest, super engaged human. These children are not circus performers. So stop showcasing who did what at the youngest age, who gives the best TED teen presentations and not think that to me it will look no different except now the child is at home.

Unschooling, self-directed lives, natural learning, call it what you want. If it's 'about' results then it's not my cup of tea. Into flow or no expectations? Then I can engage even if the flow includes results." -Gillian Goddard

I think expecting that once grown someone has the skills to support themselves  is reasonable (if there are jobs to be had, and if disability, mental illness, or other serious things don't impede someone's ability to do that... So even that expectation isn't cut and dried). Nevertheless this perfectly highlights, to me, one of the biggest problems I feel there is with the uncollege type movement.

People have taken a philosophy about learning more freely, a philosophy that should be exciting and comforting at the same time (following what interests you, combined with the comfort of choosing how much or little you feel able to do, free from the stress of a heavy college course load), and turned it into just the newest way to claw your way up the corporate ladder, become a wealthy entrepreneur, or otherwise become "successful" by the most capitalistic measures out there.

Who are they speaking to?

I say "movements," plural, in this post because it isn't necessarily one movement, but a collection of trends moving in generally the same direction, that share a lot of commonalities in attitudes and views.

Generally, there's lots of talks about how college is a waste of time and money; college is conventional and makes someone boring, and to truly stand out from the crowd you should do impressive things instead (like travel the world or start a business); corporations prefer people who are involved with business from a young age instead of going to college; you'll learn more than your peers in college; the way of the future is technology, and schools are outdated and lacking in technology...

A couple of those I agree with (like the fact that college is really ridiculously expensive in some parts of the world, and most definitely in the US, for instance, though it's not as bad where I live), but many other seem like pretty bad points, to be honest, and points that only seem especially relevant to a select group of people.

While not going to college is cheaper than going, for many people doing anything but directly entering the job market is a struggle. Many people don't come from families where parents can support either college or expensive travel adventures, for instance.

Underpinning at least my understanding of unschooling has always been life learning as a, perhaps, liberatory approach to education. An unschooling influenced by Wendy Priesnitz' talk of life learning as an important part of saving our planet and re-imagining ways of living together, and unschooling as an important part of decolonization. The uncollege-and-hacking-your-education movements don't even seem to realize social inequalities exist, or if they do they don't seem to care. Ignoring the existence of institutionalized inequalities doesn't erase them, it just means that those considered the default, those already most privileged in our society, continue to be those best served by an oblivious or uncaring movement: white, male, straight, middle and upper class. No, not everyone involved falls into those categories. But everything I've seen seems to show that many people involved fall into at least a couple of those, and that there's very little to no representation from those most marginalized.

In prioritizing corporate and business ideas of success above any type of societal shift for a more just, more egalitarian, more sustainable world, I think it's clear that this movement isn't and has never been for everyone. It's just a new way for those already in the lead (of a race that was rigged to start with) to pull even further ahead.

Money talks

With the surge in popularity for unschooling, uncollege, hacking your education, edupunking, the whole learning-more-independently-outside-of-educational-institutions thing, there's been a corresponding surge in people trying to make money off of this trend. A "trend-spotting firm" (something that, until very recently, I did not know existed) even predicted recently that unschooling counselor will be one of "8 new jobs people have in 2025." I think it's fair to say that job already exists, with numerous people offering unschooling and uncollege coaching over phone, Skype, and through online programs. New events and alternative programs claiming to support this type of education are popping up all over the place.

I don't think this is necessarily bad in and of itself. In fact, in plenty of cases this is a good thing! But it does point to a worrying trend of both turning unschooling into yet another specialty held by experts, and something you need to pay for to receive, instead of something everyone can do without any type of expert intervention (finances to have the time to pursue education permitting).

It also leads to some people misrepresenting their credentials, their success, and their experience in order to take advantage of a new market. I often feel like those claiming to want to help the unschooling or uncollege community--for a fee, of course--are far less concerned with helping and far ore concerned with that fee. Who's genuine and reasonable when it comes to the numerous books, programs, and coaching available is, of course, something each individual can only decide for themselves. If you trust someone, can afford their services, and gain positive things from it, that's great! And if you love something you're knowledgeable about and want to help support yourself through the sharing of that knowledge, I also don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'd just like to see maybe a bit more accountability to the community, and more openness about an individual's experience and troubles. If someone's life seems too good to be true, it might be because it isn't true.

Either way, I find it alarming that unschooling is being turned into a commodity, information and expertise to be bought and sold, instead of a free-form philosophy about living and learning.

I've never felt like there's much room for me

I'm not attending college or university, and I never have attended any type of educational institution. So initially, I got excited about all this new stuff. I joined groups on Facebook, followed blogs, read articles. And quickly started feeling disillusioned. Nowhere was I seeing the concern for humanity as a whole I was more used to seeing in unschooling circles. I was just seeing a lot of Success! And tech! And success in tech! And entrepreneurship! Business is good! I saw posts suggesting pursuing learning in ways that didn't appeal to me at all, grand adventures that I'd never want to go on (and in fact with my struggles with anxiety probably couldn't go on without suffering a breakdown) and couldn't afford. I didn't feel like my anxious queer hippie feminist self had a place in that movement at all, and I still don't.

Not a condemnation

All that said, I think the college-free movements have helped popularize some important ideas. I think popular advocates have said plenty of good and helpful things. I think plenty of people have gotten a lot of good out of being a part of these movements. I don't think they should cease to exist. I just think there are a lot of largely unacknowledged problems, big blind spots, and goals I can never get behind. I want to like seeing unschooling ideas for college aged people getting so much attention and support, but I just feel uneasy and uncomfortable by so much of it that I see and read. And I really just hope to see more awareness in the future of social realities, and goals more closely aligned with the true success of all people, not just the wealthiest, whitest, most male of the lot.

[Edited March 19th] The note about comments that was originally posted here was taken by some as an attempt to dissuade criticism or disagreement with this post, which was not my intent at all. So instead I'd just like to remind people, when discussing this potentially loaded topic, to please remain respectful in the comment section, and to note that I will be moderating it and deleting hostile/disrespectful comments. Thank you for your understanding!

Natural Born Learners: Unschooling and Autonomy in Education

It's been long in the works, and I've waited eagerly for this book to be released since I first heard about it! Edited by Beatrice Ekoko and Carlo Ricci, it includes transcribed interviews with some of the best known names in the unschooling and alternative education communities: Wendy Priesnitz, Pat Farenga, John Taylor Gatto, Grace Llewellyn, Sandra Dodd, Matt Hern, and many others! And then there's the interviews with grown unschoolers, about half of whom I know or have at least met in person, the other half of whom I know online. So I feel a mix of comfortable and humbled to be included in that company.

The actual interview I did? Well, that I feel less good about. Conducted in April of 2010, to be honest reading it I wince a bit. It's not exactly what I would have said had I been writing those responses now! I was given the opportunity to edit it at some point, but if my hazy memory of the instance serves correctly, I never responded to that email... Oops.

But, my personal opinion on old writing of mine aside, this book looks fantastic. A PDF version is sitting around in my computer, and I am very much hoping to finish and review it at some point, but since that doesn't seem to be happening as quickly as I'd originally hoped, I just wanted to share this book now!

I highly recommend you check this book it out, as all you really need to do is read the contents to know it's packed with insights from many thoughtful and engaging people with important things to say! Read all about the book here, or just go straight to Amazon to buy either the print or kindle version.

The Socialization Question Hits Adulthood: Unschooled Identity and Fitting In

My mother recently turned to me, looking thoughtful, and asked "do you ever feel out-of-place in groups of non-unschoolers?" My sister and I had just come back from a party, and it seemed to occur to her that she'd never asked that question before. Slightly startled, I thought about it for a moment, and replied "not really. Not if I have something else in common with the group, at least."

That question got me thinking, though, as I feel it deserves a longer and more thoughtful answer.

______________

As a child, I always felt out-of-place in schooled groups. But then again, I frequently felt out-of-place in homeschooling groups as well, seeing as the only ones around when I was young were highly religious, conservative, and not so into unschooling or even relaxed homeschooling. I was (and hey, still am) shy, and it took me a while to find groups I really felt good being a part of. The first groups I did feel comfortable in were unschooling ones, in my teens, once I started going to events like conferences and Not Back to School Camp.

NBTSC Vermont 2008 (Source)

But as an adult, it's different. And in the years since I started hanging out with unschoolers, I've frequently felt like I belonged quite well in various groups, both unschooling and not!

As with anyone, all it really takes is having something (or multiple somethings) in common with the group you're in. If you have a shared identity, interests in common, if you understand the social expectations of the particular community or type of group you find yourself in, you'll probably feel pretty comfortable. If you don't, well, then maybe you won't feel so at home.

______________

That party I'd just come back from, when my mother decided to ask that question, was made up almost entirely of 20-something queers. I identify as queer, and I know the language and vocabulary of social justice, the terminology most often used to discuss sexuality and gender, and share the same hippie-ness often found in such communities. That's the type of group I'll happily end up in conversations with multiple people, and won't be likely to feel out of place at all, even though most people there currently are or recently were students. I don't deliberately bring it up, but sometimes my lack-of-schooling still manages to make it's way into the conversation ("You said you're a writer, where do you write?" "Blogging, mostly, a few articles in a couple of magazines..." "Cool! What do you write about?" "Alternative education, mostly." "How did you get interested in that?" "Well, I didn't go to school..."). In this particular case the subject did come up at one point in the evening, which led to one person mentioning they went to an alternative elementary school and another one commenting how the linear way things are taught in schools doesn't actually fit the way most people learn.

______________

Perhaps the reason I feel so comfortable in the groups I most often find myself in is because the communities I've gravitated to are all "non-mainstream." Not just the unschooling community, but the queer community, politically radical communities, general hippie/organic farming/contra-dancing type crowds. Communities that both have a lot of overlap with each other, and also tend to be very unschool friendly. That doesn't mean I don't still get stupid questions sometimes, but it does mean that unless someone goes out of their way to ask inappropriate questions or make me feel othered, I'll probably feel like I fit in pretty well.

And when I DO feel out-of-place, as does inevitably happen sometimes (whether it's because the group at an event I went to wasn't the type of group I thought it would be, or I venture out of my regular type communities to go to some band party of my sister's), while it's sometimes because of unschooling, it's as often as not because I feel like I'm the queerest person there, or because I'm dressed "strangely" compared to those around me, or a combination of all of those things. It's virtually always more complicated than just "I'm the only unschooler here, wow I feel left out!"

Which kind of begs the question, how much does unschooling affect you? How much has unschooling affected me? I feel like unschooling has definitely had a huge impact on my life, as the very existence of this blog kind of shows. I feel that being an unschooler is an important part of my identity. But, so are many other things. I think unschooling has shaped the way I look at things. But, so have plenty of other experiences in my life. Not going to school has definitely affected the way I relate to people, but I don't really think it's made it harder to relate to people (or at least, no more so than any of my other identities). I'm just never quite sure how much credit to give to unschooling, how much of me was and is shaped by having not gone to school and how much would have been me no matter the educational experience I had.

My opinion on the matter changes fairly frequently. Sometimes I have felt that other people are setting me apart because of my education, sometimes I feel unschooling makes a bigger mark on people than other times. Who knows. All I do know is that it's important to me, but it's far from the only important element or experience in my life. And most of the time at least, it's not something that makes me feel out-of-place!

I'm always really interested in how other adult unschoolers feel about this. Do you feel unschooling has set you apart? Changed the way you relate to people? Is it an important part of your identity? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Vague Advice and the Flexibility of Unschooling

Sometimes I feel like I write with such vagueness.

I try to give as solid advice as I can, and to share as specifically as I'm able to what I've learned about unschooling by doing it. But when I look back at a lot of what I've written, sometimes I find myself thinking well yeah, what I'm saying is the truth as I see it, but is it specific enough to actually be helpful?

I'm guessing it is or people wouldn't read and like it, but sometimes I look at some of the other blogs out there, and admire how much they talk about Goals! And 10 steps to doing better at things! And so much detailed advice!

That envy never lasts though. Because when you're writing about unschooling, how can you say this is how you do it, no matter what specific "it" you're talking about? I can share what's worked in my own life, how I've approached learning myself, and that can be interesting and helpful for others, just as my reading about the experiences of others "uncolleging" can be helpful for me right now. But beyond that, unschooling is kind of all about figuring things out for yourself. As many ideas and resources and advice as I, or anyone else, shares, as much expertise on unschooling/life learning/uncollegeing and beyond any person claims to have or not have, ultimately it's just a vision of the possibilities available to you and your family. If we're to recognize how different each person (and each family and each community) is, we have to quickly realize that the more specific we get in talking about the how's, the less people are likely to find that actually works for them.

So I guess I'll just continue writing vaguely, or just talking about the very specific ways that have worked for me, personally. Because anything else, though it might make a more impressive post on occasion, just doesn't do justice to the truly personalized personalized journey that is unschooling.

A New Website

As mentioned in my year in review post, I've been working on a personal website, a site where I can gather together all my projects, blogs, and main interests, making it easier for people to find my stuff as well as making my online presence feel more organized and cohesive.

After some difficulties with the more technical aspects (I am not exactly good at computer-related technical anything), I finally got everything sorted out, and my site went live last week! Check it out.

idziedesmarais.com

There are some features missing if you don't pay a monthly fee to upgrade, but Weebly still impressed me with the available free features, ease-of-use, and slick look. I actually enjoyed putting the site together for the most part, instead of struggling as would usually be the case.

This new site also gave me the opportunity to start a personal blog, as a place for all the writing I do that doesn't seem to fit on any of my other blogs, either because of its more personal nature, the subject matter, or that it's just too half-thought-out. I especially felt a need for such a blog since I'm pushing myself in this new year to write a lot more, and so far I'm written more in a month than I did in six months last year! The new blog is Sunflowers & Brambles, and some things I have been or will be writing about there is anxiety, life learning, feminism, and radical domesticity.

I'm excited about finally having my own site, and if you decide to take a look at it, feedback is much appreciated! 

Unschooling for Adults

Mostly what I write is aimed at unschoolers themselves (unschooling parents, teens, and grown unschoolers), and  potential unschoolers/those new to unschooling. But what about the people for whom unschooling, as in the practice of not going to elementary or high school and instead learning from life, is no longer an option, just because they’ve already finished with high school (sometimes quite a while ago)? For the schooled adults who discover unschooling and love what they see, and want to know how they can incorporate the ideas/ideals of unschooling into their own lives, this is the post for you.

Not being a schooled adult, I can’t swear this is the best advice for someone who was, but here are some things I think have the potential to make a difference in the way people approach learning in their own lives.

Forget everything you know about what is and isn’t “educational.” 

Most adults have a pretty set idea of what things are educational (things taught in school) and which things aren’t (things done for fun or leisure, aka things not taught in school). Learning is everywhere, if you’re looking for it, and there’s nothing that’s not worth your time to learn, as long as you want to be learning it! Spend your time learning about whatever you’re curious or passionate about, whether or not it seems particularly “useful” or “educational.”

Let go of any ideas you have about what the structure of learning is supposed to look like.

If you genuinely thrive on learning in a really structured and organized way, then go ahead and create your ideal curriculum, complete with scheduled study time for the next few months. But you can also just pick up a few books from the library to read whenever you feel like it, or spend time googling a subject in free moments between other commitments, or drop in to a local music jam whenever you want some help practicing. Learning can be as rigorous and structured or as relaxed and casual as you wish to make it. Learning doesn’t have to be pursued in a way that looks like school for it to be worthwhile.

I'm thinking of trying to find a fiddle teacher,
after wanting to play for many years.
Learning by myself isn't going as well as I'd hoped!

Learn to relax. 

There are times when unschoolers face the pressure to perform well, for sure: auditions and job interviews and university entrance exams. But for the most part, the meat of learning is done without someone looking critically over your shoulder, without the looming presence of quizzes and exams. Learning can be strictly for you, simply because you want to learn. Take a deep breath. Relax. Learning for the sake of learning can be really fun and exciting and rewarding.

There’s no end date to learning. 

“I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.” Eartha Kitt

There’s a reason that quote has lived at the top of my blog for years. Its message resonates with me, and reminds me that it’s never too late to learn something. You’re not too old to learn X instrument, or to decide to memorize the times tables, or learn anything else that you’re “supposed” to learn young. For as long as you’re alive, you can keep on learning any damn thing you want to.

All of these are important things to remember, for schooled people and unschoolers alike (I can get caught up in other peoples' expectations of what learning is, too). But the "secret," if there is one, comes down to just working on eroding the imaginary line between living and learning. Life learning is what it's all about.

What is your advice for adults wanting to incorporate unschooling ideals into their lives? What have you felt was helpful in your own life?