Day 1 (August 26th)
I found out that I have Internet access!! The hotel provides it for free, which is great. I decided what I'll do is write a daily journal entry (unless I'm too busy having fun!) but wait until home so I can upload photo's to go with each day before publishing, EXCEPT for this post, which I'll post now to let people know what I'm up to... I doubt I'll have time to answer comments or emails before I get back, so please don't be insulted if I don't respond until then!
So, we were supposed to leave at at 10:00 am this morning, but due to our usual taking forever to get out of the house thing, by the time we actually left it was closer to 1:oo! We had a cool drive. As we passed through the mountains in Vermont and New Hampshire there were really low hanging clouds, so that we were literally driving through them. They also partially obscured the mountains, so the whole place looked really surreal and magical... Way cool. :-)
We arrived at the hotel at about 8:00 pm, and as I write this at 10:45, I've already met three people/families I know! I have a good feeling about this conference, and I hope that it'll be lots of fun! For now though, no socializing for me. I'm tired, so I'm going to just go to bed... Tomorrow registration opens at 2:00, but hopefully I'll get a chance to hang out with peeps earlier tomorrow, unless of course I decide I really just need to sleep...
Peace,
Idzie
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Untraditional Adult Paths
It's now official: Eli Gerzon and I are doing a discussion called Untraditional Adult Paths, with the following description:
After all the freedom of unschooling what happens when you're not at all interested in a traditional adult path of college and working in an office? Grown unschoolers Eli Gerzon and Idzie Desmarais will talk about their thoughts, struggles, and triumphs with finding work and a life that pays the bills, is joyful, and contributes to the world.
If you're going to the conference, perhaps I'll see you there! :-)
Peace,
Idzie
After all the freedom of unschooling what happens when you're not at all interested in a traditional adult path of college and working in an office? Grown unschoolers Eli Gerzon and Idzie Desmarais will talk about their thoughts, struggles, and triumphs with finding work and a life that pays the bills, is joyful, and contributes to the world.
If you're going to the conference, perhaps I'll see you there! :-)
Peace,
Idzie
Monday, August 24, 2009
The Northeast Unschooling conference!
So, as I think I mentioned ages ago, we're going to the Northeast Unschooling conference near Boston, and leaving in TWO DAYS!! I'm a mix of excited and nervous, which I will explain below...
I'm excited because I'm going to be meeting/seeing a ton of cool people, some completely new, some that I know online and will be meeting in real life for the first time, and some whom I've met previously, and am happy to see again! I'm also excited because Eli has kindly asked me to speak alongside him in his discussion entitled Finding Your Own Path, where Eli and I will talk about finding meaningful work! Also, there are tons of cool presentations and funshops.
Now, why I'm nervous is because I'll be meeting a ton a new people, and I'm shy. I usually refer to myself as a social introvert, because I love being around people and am happy being around them nearly constantly, but large/new groups, new situations, and new people make me feel shy and kind of like finding a nice little corner to hide in! Even in the case of all the people I already *know* online, I find it slightly scary to actually be meeting them... When people meet me without ever having read my blog or talked to me online, I'm usually quickly forgotten about because, as I mentioned above, I'm shy and tend to fade into the background in new groups. However, when people do *know* me online, they're expecting something of me in real life, so I can't get by by simply fading into the background, I actually have to be myself to a certain extant, to put myself out there more! Which is probably a good thing, but doesn't change the fact I'm nervous.
Annnyway, the excitement does still outweigh the nervousness, which is a good thing, and I'm really excited to be going!
Peace,
Idzie
I'm excited because I'm going to be meeting/seeing a ton of cool people, some completely new, some that I know online and will be meeting in real life for the first time, and some whom I've met previously, and am happy to see again! I'm also excited because Eli has kindly asked me to speak alongside him in his discussion entitled Finding Your Own Path, where Eli and I will talk about finding meaningful work! Also, there are tons of cool presentations and funshops.
Now, why I'm nervous is because I'll be meeting a ton a new people, and I'm shy. I usually refer to myself as a social introvert, because I love being around people and am happy being around them nearly constantly, but large/new groups, new situations, and new people make me feel shy and kind of like finding a nice little corner to hide in! Even in the case of all the people I already *know* online, I find it slightly scary to actually be meeting them... When people meet me without ever having read my blog or talked to me online, I'm usually quickly forgotten about because, as I mentioned above, I'm shy and tend to fade into the background in new groups. However, when people do *know* me online, they're expecting something of me in real life, so I can't get by by simply fading into the background, I actually have to be myself to a certain extant, to put myself out there more! Which is probably a good thing, but doesn't change the fact I'm nervous.
Annnyway, the excitement does still outweigh the nervousness, which is a good thing, and I'm really excited to be going!
Peace,
Idzie
Thursday, August 13, 2009
My response to some unschooling questions and concerns
I got this message from someone a little while ago, and I figured my response may be of some interest to my readers. The original email is in italics, and my response is in regular font!
Your blog is very interesting to me. I tried to leave this as a comment on your January 8 post about unschooling, but it is too long. Thus, I hope you don't mind receiving a comment via e-mail. You are a thoughtful, articulate writer, and I enjoyed reading through your blog.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my blog. I'll do my best to address your comments and concerns as honestly as possible, and since I think this exchange may be of some interest to my readers, I'm going to post it on my blog as well!
I attended traditional public school in the United States (near Washington, DC), but I did not really have a bad experience, myself. My parents were hippies with a relaxed parenting style, and maybe that counterbalanced my public school experience. So even though public school worked out for me, the ideas behind unschooling are not bizarre or nonsensical to me. I find the philosophy of it very appealing, in fact. And yet I have some concerns I cannot shake, and I wonder what you think about them.
Pretty much everyone who isn't actually unschooling has concerns they can't shake! Unschooling is so very different from the norm, so very far off from the widely accepted views of how people learn, that it's hard to wrap your mind around it. Hell, I was eclectically homeschooled until I was about 9 or 10, then unschooled throughout my teens, and I only really gained complete confidence in it a bit over a year ago!
First, I do think there are some subjects that would be very difficult to learn through unschooling. Math, for example, builds on itself so that mastering the most advanced concepts might take 10 years of intensive study and practice. For a small child who wants to be an astronaut, it may be very hard to connect that goal with the dull task of learning multiplication tables. And yet it would be very difficult to learn calculus without learning one's multiplication tables. I guess I am skeptical that young children -- and even older children -- would have the ability to assess what they need to know to reach a particular goal and the discipline to learn material that comprises the dull building blocks to support this goal.
Actually, unschoolers learn math just as easily as all other subjects! Though many parents who choose to unschool their kids (though certainly no where near all) are more liberal arts types, the unschooling children and teens themselves are a complete mix of more math and science oriented and more arts and language oriented people. There are many unschoolers who've gone into college in the maths and sciences area, and even though I'm definitely not a big fan of math, and haven't done more than poke at a math book since I was about 10, I can do basic math in my head faster and more accurately than a good friend of mine who just graduated public high school at the top of his class (actually, at the top of his entire grade)! All public school teaches is how to use a calculator, and many students go through high school without gaining any real understanding of mathematics. Also of interest, I've heard anecdotal stories of unschoolers who happily study (and do well at) the higher maths in college, without having ever memorized their times tables!
This isn't because I don't "trust" children or have faith in their abilities. It's because certain subjects are by their nature abstract, and that makes them much less likely to draw a child's interest. I would worry about the possibility that my son might decide at age 15 that he wants to be an astronaut, and yet he wouldn't know his multiplication tables. Yes, he could learn, but he would have years of catching up to do, and that would be unfortunate I think.
It seems to me that unschooling is much better suited to children with interests and goals in literature, the arts, maybe history, social sciences, etc., and not so much in the hard sciences and math areas.
Actually, I would say that your words do show a lack of trust in both children and the natural learning process. As many young children become fascinated with numbers as do with language, or building things, or insects. Math is part of life, and until it's made into something to be dreaded for many people in school, it's just as interesting a thing to learn about. You also make the mistake of believing that things must be learned at a certain time, or they can never be learned. Many unschoolers go until their mid to late teens without ever cracking open a math textbook, yet once they decide that they want to take the SAT's so that they can get into college, they study for a bit, then pass the SAT! MOST unschoolers go on to college (I'm in the minority since I don't plan to go to university), in a variety of fields. It does not take ten years of textbook study to get the math needed to enter college, even if you're going into the fields of math or science! I was recently talking to a schooled friend about the possibility of writing the test for my high school leaving certificate, and telling him that I thought I'd need to study for about 3 months to be able to pass. His response? You could do it in one month! Just because you're not using textbooks doesn't mean you're spending years where you're not learning. There's very little "catching up" needed.
I also think there is value in learning about things that you don't necessarily find interesting. Sometimes this is because only upon being exposed to it do you know that it might interest you. But it is also because there are things worth knowing that might not be very interesting. For example, I know people who know very little about history and think it is dull and irrelevant. And then they say really stupid things about current events or issues, and its obvious that their statements are due to their complete ignorance. Anyone is prone to that, but I can't help but wonder if unschoolers would be particularly prone.
You also make the mistake of thinking unschooling parents play a very passive role. Throughout my childhood and teen years, my mom would bring interesting books into the house (we also have a personal library of AT LEAST 5,000 books, I believe more), share interesting articles from the paper, send me links to cool websites or articles online, tell me about activities I may find interesting... We made (and make) regular trips to the library, and when I was young we participated in numerous activities. Unschoolers are exposed to far MORE of the world, since we're actually living in the world, than schooled kids who are stuck inside a building all day, away from the real world, and taught only a very limited curriculum. You say you're open minded to unschooling, yet your words seem very judgmental of a lifestyle that you admittedly know very little about!
You can be "taught" something, but you'll only get anything out of it, only retain the knowledge, if it means something to you, if it seems interesting and important. I'm guessing the people who make "ignorant" remarks about history are schooled, no? I know the people I've heard make comments like that are or were either traditionally schooled or homeschooled, not unschooled. They were taught all about history, but to them it was meaningless and boring. True learning only takes place when the learner is interested in a subject. Otherwise, it's simply rote memorization.
Last, I think it's a mistake to think that public education is really about the content taught. It isn't, for the most part. (From your post, I don't think you think public education is about the content either, but I see that you've raised the point in addressing the questions that other people ask you.) As a parent, I generally think it's my job to handle the content, because really learning about subjects requires experience and involvement -- i.e., traveling to Europe or China or wherever, instead of reading about these places in a textbook, visiting museums or nature centers, etc. Now, this isn't always true -- for some subjects, public education can teach content. (Again, I'm thinking of math, where the dull building blocks can easily be taught in public school.) But for most subjects, the content isn't taught all that effectively, and most people do forget it over the long term.
While you think the real goal of public school is to teach submission and obedience, I don't quite agree with you. I think it can have that effect, if parents are not careful. But I don't think it has to, and I don't think it necessarily does.
Instead, I think one of the most valuable things the public school experience teaches is how to maintain your sense of self -- your dignity, your identity, your sense of control and self-definition -- in an environment where everything is not within your control. In life, we must deal with people we don't like, rules we find objectionable, policies we find foolish. Our life choices may help us limit our exposure to these things. But other life choices require us to learn how to deal with these things. Becoming a lawyer or an astronaut, for example, requires the ability to navigate certain systems -- educational systems, career systems, government systems. Learning to navigate these systems -- to manipulate them effectively to achieve our own goals -- is an essential skill, IMHO. That's not to say that every kind of life path requires them. I have friends who are artists or dancers or craftsmen who have, for the most part, avoided these systems. But a person who has not learned to navigate these systems has far fewer choices in life. They cannot become a lawyer or an astronaut, a doctor or a veterinarian, because achieving these goals requires knowing how to function in an environment that is not entirely self-created and interest-driven.
I'm glad you agree that public school is not really about the content being taught. However, I find it incredibly sad that you realize school is a place where there's a constant assault on you dignity and sense of self, yet you think children should be forced to spend every single day in such an environment. As an unschooler, I have grown up in a safe, loving, nurturing environment, and because of that, I'm a healthy, happy individual who has the confidence to interact with a world where many people, and many institutions, are trying to undermine my dignity and sense of self. That's why so many people are so impressed with most unschooling teens! Unschooling creates whole human being, who have developed healthily thanks to the wonderful environment they grew up in. I see so many schooled teens and adults who have been damaged by the system. They've created a shell for themselves, and I think this is what you're attempting to get at when you talk about learning to survive in the school environment, but inside that shell they're insecure, scared of "failure", and don't know how to function in a healthy way. They've also learned that external validation is the only sort of validation, and that you must always live up to another persons expectations.
Now, maybe unschoolers can learn how to function in such an environment without public school. Certainly life does provide other opportunities to learn this skill, but only in very small doses. When I went to public school, I was encouraged to participate and to achieve, but only as a means to an end, not as an end in itself. I was taught by my parents to ask questions and challenge teachers. I was encouraged to use the public school and its resources for my own purposes, not to submit to it. And I am glad that I was so encouraged, because my current life as a part-time lawyer and full-time mom would be impossible without some formal education, the ability to achieve on standardized tests (including the bar exam) and the ability to function in the workplace (where I am sometimes required to spend time on subjects I don't find very interesting or compelling, but which are the essential underpinnings of larger goals I find laudable).
You can learn to "work the system" whether or not you go to school! I was a member of the Royal Canadian Air Cadets for three years. As it's literally based on the military, with "fun" components tossed in since it's designed for youth, it's quite structured, with a rigid ranking system, separate levels (grades), and all that jazz. I've never been to school (I don't count kindergarten) and when I chose to leave cadets, I was at the highest rank I could be for the amount of years I'd been there. I hated it, and I discovered that I'm never going to be part of that sort of structure again, but I can most certainly function in it! You don't need to have been in a rigidly structured institution your entire life to be able to function in one. As I already said above, unschoolers are in no way limited in their options.
Yet another assumption you make is that unschoolers will never do anything that isn't "fun" since they're not forced to. That's silly. Everyone has goals and aspirations, and if you want something badly enough, you're going to do whatever needs to be done to get there, whether or not each individual activity is fun. Unschoolers don't do pointless busywork. That doesn't mean they don't work towards the things that are important to them! I have, and will continue to do, things that I don't particularly enjoy, yet I do them because they're necessary for something that truly matters to me, something I'm passionate about! If I find that I really want to take a course offered by a school that won't accept me unless I have a high school leaving certificate (not that that's likely, since ALL the universities in my area accept students without paperwork), then I'll take those few months to study, and get my certificate! I don't like learning things of no value to me, such as I would have to if I wanted m certificate, but if I had to to get to where I wanted to be, then I would.
My older son starts kindergarten later this month. I have a lot of trepidation about it. I have this feeling that he isn't going to like it, that he's not going to be terribly good at it, and that it isn't going to add much to his knowledge. But I am sending him anyway, because I think it is essential for him to navigate a world that does not cater to him and of which he is not the sole master. I will be very curious to see how he does. I am also open-minded to the possibility that it will be a very poor fit for him and that it will offer nothing valuable for him. In that case, I would be willing to change gears, and all options would be on the table, including unschooling.
Our culture does not foster human happiness, and seeks to maximize production and consumption above all else. That's what the schooling system is for: creating worker bees. Worker bees are what the economic system needs. You say you think that young children should be shoved into a system that is indifferent to their emotional well being, and you act as if that's a good thing. I say that's terrible. Unschooling raises WHOLE human beings, human beings who are comfortable in their own skin, healthy, confident. Whole human beings can navigate this unfriendly society far more successfully than can people whose souls have been crushed by the school system!
I find it hard to believe that you'd consider unschooling, since you come across as feeling very negatively towards it. You speak as one who believes that public schooling is best. It seems to me you're saying that you think children should go to school so they learn just how unimportant their feelings and emotional health is!
I apologize if I offend you with this response, as that's not my intention. It's simply a subject I feel passionately about, and your words hurt my heart. I hurt for your own son, and all the other children being sent, against their will, to school this year. You sound like you also believe school will hurt your son, and are only sending him as some sort of "tough love" thing. I don't understand how you could send him there, feeling the way you seem to (I could be wrong, that's simply what I gathered from your words)!
Something that also may be of interest to you is Eli Gerzon's Whole Soul Safety or the Real Reason to Rise-Out of School.
I hope that, at the very least, you can come to see where I'm coming from in my feelings and opinions on this issue!
Peace,
Idzie
Your blog is very interesting to me. I tried to leave this as a comment on your January 8 post about unschooling, but it is too long. Thus, I hope you don't mind receiving a comment via e-mail. You are a thoughtful, articulate writer, and I enjoyed reading through your blog.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed my blog. I'll do my best to address your comments and concerns as honestly as possible, and since I think this exchange may be of some interest to my readers, I'm going to post it on my blog as well!
I attended traditional public school in the United States (near Washington, DC), but I did not really have a bad experience, myself. My parents were hippies with a relaxed parenting style, and maybe that counterbalanced my public school experience. So even though public school worked out for me, the ideas behind unschooling are not bizarre or nonsensical to me. I find the philosophy of it very appealing, in fact. And yet I have some concerns I cannot shake, and I wonder what you think about them.
Pretty much everyone who isn't actually unschooling has concerns they can't shake! Unschooling is so very different from the norm, so very far off from the widely accepted views of how people learn, that it's hard to wrap your mind around it. Hell, I was eclectically homeschooled until I was about 9 or 10, then unschooled throughout my teens, and I only really gained complete confidence in it a bit over a year ago!
First, I do think there are some subjects that would be very difficult to learn through unschooling. Math, for example, builds on itself so that mastering the most advanced concepts might take 10 years of intensive study and practice. For a small child who wants to be an astronaut, it may be very hard to connect that goal with the dull task of learning multiplication tables. And yet it would be very difficult to learn calculus without learning one's multiplication tables. I guess I am skeptical that young children -- and even older children -- would have the ability to assess what they need to know to reach a particular goal and the discipline to learn material that comprises the dull building blocks to support this goal.
Actually, unschoolers learn math just as easily as all other subjects! Though many parents who choose to unschool their kids (though certainly no where near all) are more liberal arts types, the unschooling children and teens themselves are a complete mix of more math and science oriented and more arts and language oriented people. There are many unschoolers who've gone into college in the maths and sciences area, and even though I'm definitely not a big fan of math, and haven't done more than poke at a math book since I was about 10, I can do basic math in my head faster and more accurately than a good friend of mine who just graduated public high school at the top of his class (actually, at the top of his entire grade)! All public school teaches is how to use a calculator, and many students go through high school without gaining any real understanding of mathematics. Also of interest, I've heard anecdotal stories of unschoolers who happily study (and do well at) the higher maths in college, without having ever memorized their times tables!
This isn't because I don't "trust" children or have faith in their abilities. It's because certain subjects are by their nature abstract, and that makes them much less likely to draw a child's interest. I would worry about the possibility that my son might decide at age 15 that he wants to be an astronaut, and yet he wouldn't know his multiplication tables. Yes, he could learn, but he would have years of catching up to do, and that would be unfortunate I think.
It seems to me that unschooling is much better suited to children with interests and goals in literature, the arts, maybe history, social sciences, etc., and not so much in the hard sciences and math areas.
Actually, I would say that your words do show a lack of trust in both children and the natural learning process. As many young children become fascinated with numbers as do with language, or building things, or insects. Math is part of life, and until it's made into something to be dreaded for many people in school, it's just as interesting a thing to learn about. You also make the mistake of believing that things must be learned at a certain time, or they can never be learned. Many unschoolers go until their mid to late teens without ever cracking open a math textbook, yet once they decide that they want to take the SAT's so that they can get into college, they study for a bit, then pass the SAT! MOST unschoolers go on to college (I'm in the minority since I don't plan to go to university), in a variety of fields. It does not take ten years of textbook study to get the math needed to enter college, even if you're going into the fields of math or science! I was recently talking to a schooled friend about the possibility of writing the test for my high school leaving certificate, and telling him that I thought I'd need to study for about 3 months to be able to pass. His response? You could do it in one month! Just because you're not using textbooks doesn't mean you're spending years where you're not learning. There's very little "catching up" needed.
I also think there is value in learning about things that you don't necessarily find interesting. Sometimes this is because only upon being exposed to it do you know that it might interest you. But it is also because there are things worth knowing that might not be very interesting. For example, I know people who know very little about history and think it is dull and irrelevant. And then they say really stupid things about current events or issues, and its obvious that their statements are due to their complete ignorance. Anyone is prone to that, but I can't help but wonder if unschoolers would be particularly prone.
You also make the mistake of thinking unschooling parents play a very passive role. Throughout my childhood and teen years, my mom would bring interesting books into the house (we also have a personal library of AT LEAST 5,000 books, I believe more), share interesting articles from the paper, send me links to cool websites or articles online, tell me about activities I may find interesting... We made (and make) regular trips to the library, and when I was young we participated in numerous activities. Unschoolers are exposed to far MORE of the world, since we're actually living in the world, than schooled kids who are stuck inside a building all day, away from the real world, and taught only a very limited curriculum. You say you're open minded to unschooling, yet your words seem very judgmental of a lifestyle that you admittedly know very little about!
You can be "taught" something, but you'll only get anything out of it, only retain the knowledge, if it means something to you, if it seems interesting and important. I'm guessing the people who make "ignorant" remarks about history are schooled, no? I know the people I've heard make comments like that are or were either traditionally schooled or homeschooled, not unschooled. They were taught all about history, but to them it was meaningless and boring. True learning only takes place when the learner is interested in a subject. Otherwise, it's simply rote memorization.
Last, I think it's a mistake to think that public education is really about the content taught. It isn't, for the most part. (From your post, I don't think you think public education is about the content either, but I see that you've raised the point in addressing the questions that other people ask you.) As a parent, I generally think it's my job to handle the content, because really learning about subjects requires experience and involvement -- i.e., traveling to Europe or China or wherever, instead of reading about these places in a textbook, visiting museums or nature centers, etc. Now, this isn't always true -- for some subjects, public education can teach content. (Again, I'm thinking of math, where the dull building blocks can easily be taught in public school.) But for most subjects, the content isn't taught all that effectively, and most people do forget it over the long term.
While you think the real goal of public school is to teach submission and obedience, I don't quite agree with you. I think it can have that effect, if parents are not careful. But I don't think it has to, and I don't think it necessarily does.
Instead, I think one of the most valuable things the public school experience teaches is how to maintain your sense of self -- your dignity, your identity, your sense of control and self-definition -- in an environment where everything is not within your control. In life, we must deal with people we don't like, rules we find objectionable, policies we find foolish. Our life choices may help us limit our exposure to these things. But other life choices require us to learn how to deal with these things. Becoming a lawyer or an astronaut, for example, requires the ability to navigate certain systems -- educational systems, career systems, government systems. Learning to navigate these systems -- to manipulate them effectively to achieve our own goals -- is an essential skill, IMHO. That's not to say that every kind of life path requires them. I have friends who are artists or dancers or craftsmen who have, for the most part, avoided these systems. But a person who has not learned to navigate these systems has far fewer choices in life. They cannot become a lawyer or an astronaut, a doctor or a veterinarian, because achieving these goals requires knowing how to function in an environment that is not entirely self-created and interest-driven.
I'm glad you agree that public school is not really about the content being taught. However, I find it incredibly sad that you realize school is a place where there's a constant assault on you dignity and sense of self, yet you think children should be forced to spend every single day in such an environment. As an unschooler, I have grown up in a safe, loving, nurturing environment, and because of that, I'm a healthy, happy individual who has the confidence to interact with a world where many people, and many institutions, are trying to undermine my dignity and sense of self. That's why so many people are so impressed with most unschooling teens! Unschooling creates whole human being, who have developed healthily thanks to the wonderful environment they grew up in. I see so many schooled teens and adults who have been damaged by the system. They've created a shell for themselves, and I think this is what you're attempting to get at when you talk about learning to survive in the school environment, but inside that shell they're insecure, scared of "failure", and don't know how to function in a healthy way. They've also learned that external validation is the only sort of validation, and that you must always live up to another persons expectations.
Now, maybe unschoolers can learn how to function in such an environment without public school. Certainly life does provide other opportunities to learn this skill, but only in very small doses. When I went to public school, I was encouraged to participate and to achieve, but only as a means to an end, not as an end in itself. I was taught by my parents to ask questions and challenge teachers. I was encouraged to use the public school and its resources for my own purposes, not to submit to it. And I am glad that I was so encouraged, because my current life as a part-time lawyer and full-time mom would be impossible without some formal education, the ability to achieve on standardized tests (including the bar exam) and the ability to function in the workplace (where I am sometimes required to spend time on subjects I don't find very interesting or compelling, but which are the essential underpinnings of larger goals I find laudable).
You can learn to "work the system" whether or not you go to school! I was a member of the Royal Canadian Air Cadets for three years. As it's literally based on the military, with "fun" components tossed in since it's designed for youth, it's quite structured, with a rigid ranking system, separate levels (grades), and all that jazz. I've never been to school (I don't count kindergarten) and when I chose to leave cadets, I was at the highest rank I could be for the amount of years I'd been there. I hated it, and I discovered that I'm never going to be part of that sort of structure again, but I can most certainly function in it! You don't need to have been in a rigidly structured institution your entire life to be able to function in one. As I already said above, unschoolers are in no way limited in their options.
Yet another assumption you make is that unschoolers will never do anything that isn't "fun" since they're not forced to. That's silly. Everyone has goals and aspirations, and if you want something badly enough, you're going to do whatever needs to be done to get there, whether or not each individual activity is fun. Unschoolers don't do pointless busywork. That doesn't mean they don't work towards the things that are important to them! I have, and will continue to do, things that I don't particularly enjoy, yet I do them because they're necessary for something that truly matters to me, something I'm passionate about! If I find that I really want to take a course offered by a school that won't accept me unless I have a high school leaving certificate (not that that's likely, since ALL the universities in my area accept students without paperwork), then I'll take those few months to study, and get my certificate! I don't like learning things of no value to me, such as I would have to if I wanted m certificate, but if I had to to get to where I wanted to be, then I would.
My older son starts kindergarten later this month. I have a lot of trepidation about it. I have this feeling that he isn't going to like it, that he's not going to be terribly good at it, and that it isn't going to add much to his knowledge. But I am sending him anyway, because I think it is essential for him to navigate a world that does not cater to him and of which he is not the sole master. I will be very curious to see how he does. I am also open-minded to the possibility that it will be a very poor fit for him and that it will offer nothing valuable for him. In that case, I would be willing to change gears, and all options would be on the table, including unschooling.
Our culture does not foster human happiness, and seeks to maximize production and consumption above all else. That's what the schooling system is for: creating worker bees. Worker bees are what the economic system needs. You say you think that young children should be shoved into a system that is indifferent to their emotional well being, and you act as if that's a good thing. I say that's terrible. Unschooling raises WHOLE human beings, human beings who are comfortable in their own skin, healthy, confident. Whole human beings can navigate this unfriendly society far more successfully than can people whose souls have been crushed by the school system!
I find it hard to believe that you'd consider unschooling, since you come across as feeling very negatively towards it. You speak as one who believes that public schooling is best. It seems to me you're saying that you think children should go to school so they learn just how unimportant their feelings and emotional health is!
I apologize if I offend you with this response, as that's not my intention. It's simply a subject I feel passionately about, and your words hurt my heart. I hurt for your own son, and all the other children being sent, against their will, to school this year. You sound like you also believe school will hurt your son, and are only sending him as some sort of "tough love" thing. I don't understand how you could send him there, feeling the way you seem to (I could be wrong, that's simply what I gathered from your words)!
Something that also may be of interest to you is Eli Gerzon's Whole Soul Safety or the Real Reason to Rise-Out of School.
I hope that, at the very least, you can come to see where I'm coming from in my feelings and opinions on this issue!
Peace,
Idzie
"Unschooling": Good term, or bad?
Many, many unschoolers have expressed their dislike of the word "unschooling". They say it's too negative, or that it's still using school to define their learning journey. Many unschoolers also say that they prefer to describe unschooling in a positive way to people, explaining what they do instead of what they don't do. However, I've found that if you explain unschooling only in the positive, the average person will simply assume that you do all those things in addition to regular "schooling", not instead of. I find it much more useful to first take away the preconceptions about learning, to say, for example, that I direct my own education, which means I don't go to school, I don't use a curriculum, I don't take tests or get given grades, and my mom (or dad) doesn't teach me. Then to go on and explain what you actually do! I learn from life, from books and the internet, from fascinating conversations with fascinating people, from following my passions, from thinking deeply about the world around me, researching, reading, discussing... Which brings me back to why I happily use the word unschooling. Labels are really only to inform other people about how you live, what you think, how you feel. UNschooling says that you're NOT schooling. To me, that's a very good first step in explaining exactly what you are doing!
Peace,
Idzie
Peace,
Idzie
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sex and Drugs: An Unschooler's Perspective
I feel a little bit intimidated to be writing about this topic, since I feel it's a fairly big one, and something that many people feel very strongly about, and wonder about how unschoolers handle them. It doesn't really help that it's really late, and I'm not sure I can do the topic justice right now. However, I can always add more, edit things, or write whole new posts later on, so I don't really need to worry if I'm not entirely happy with what I write now!
A while back on Facebook, I was tagged in a note from a mother asking for advice on how to have "The Talk" with her 11 year old daughter. I thought about that a lot, but never answered, because my family never did have that much-talked-about Talk. When I was under two my mother became pregnant with my little sister, so of course I wanted to know how! Her answer was that Papa puts the sperm in her then a baby starts growing. After mulling that over for a while, again, I'd ask "how?" and get a more in depth answer. My mom never glossed over things, but neither did she push unwanted information on me. When I asked a question, she'd simply answer honestly. And so I learned about the very basics of sex at a young age! It also helped that when I was young we had an, erm, very sexually explicit dog, so I got a bit more of an idea from that, as funny and slightly embarrassing as it is to say it! :-P
When I was older, in my preteen years, my mom simply took a huge stack of books on sex ed. out from the library, and I'd surreptitiously flip through them whenever I felt like it. I went through a stage where I found talking about such things incredibly embarrassing, and would have completely flipped out had my mom attempted to "teach" me sex ed. As it was I learned from books, peers (and since I was always smart, I double checked peer learned information with much more reliable sources :-P), the internet (as much as the net is filled with pornography and bad information about sex, there is some good info if you look for it), and my mom (as a last resort!). The only kind of information I remember her kind of trying to force on me was about birth control. At that point, I already knew about everything she was telling me, and was quite peeved at her for embarrassing me by bringing up the subject! Suffice it to say, I learned sex ed naturally, through books and conversations and LIFE, just like an unschooler learns everything else!
In terms of menstruation, that was just normal. We never had closed doors in our house when I was young, and I simply learned about that through living with a grown woman! Again, I was embarrassed about such things, but my mom made it clear I just had to ask for supplies if I needed them, and other the that, I didn't need to talk about it unless I wanted to. I really was a very embarrassed child in many ways, looking back on things!
Nowadays in my family, sex isn't nearly as taboo a subject because, well, neither my sister nor I are really embarrassed anymore! My mother, sister, and I have had multiple really good conversations about various aspects of sexuality, both physical and emotional, and I think that's wonderful! There's absolutely no feeling of my mom "teaching" or "instructing" or the conversation in any way not being equal between us, because, well, it is equal! We're all just discussing something that is relevant and interesting to us, and although the three of us have had vastly different experiences in the matter, that doesn't change how we discuss things. It's a free sharing of ideas, opinions, and experiences, like all of our good conversations, and that's a wonderful thing. Also, my parents have never been advocates of "abstinence". The only thing they've been forceful about is safety. BE SAFE! Is the most my mom has ever said to me in terms of whether or not I "should" have sex. My parents trust that both my sister and I own our own bodies, respect ourselves, and know what we do or do not want to do with our bodies. I won't necessarily be happy (and haven't necessarily been happy) with every decision I make, but it's always MY decision and no one elses.
I actually find it rather amusing, if exasperating, that some people seem to think that un/homeschoolers will have inferior sex ed. knowledge, because my sister and I have actually been in the position of giving accurate info to schooled friends, who have very limited knowledge and a shit load of bad information! Our local high school doesn't even teach anatomy properly, because I know several guys who go to that school and have absolutely no grasp of female anatomy!
Alcohol consumption was never made into a big issue in my household, either. From the time I was young, I was always offered alcohol when my parents would have a glass of wine or similar. Neither of my parents are big drinkers, and I've never seen either of them drunk. Drinking alcohol was, and is, something consumed for the enjoyment of the drink, not to get drunk, in my family. I tried multiple different types of alcohol as they became available at different family functions and similar, decided what I liked and didn't like. And to this date, I have never been drunk. I've been slightly tipsy (emphasis on 'slightly') twice in my entire life. And honestly, I never plan on getting drunk. The thought does not appeal to me in the slightest, probably in large part because I really don't like being around people who are drunk. I have a strong sense of personal space, and one of the first thing people seem to lose when drinking is a sense of personal boundaries and other people's space. That, and I just find it gross!
In terms of drugs, I don't remember any "don't do drugs" type talk. I have a cutesy sticker stuck on my bookshelf in my room that says "Say Neigh to Drugs" with a picture of a horse, but I'm not even sure I knew what they were referring to when I got the sticker, and the main motivation in sticking it to my bookshelf was that I liked horses! :-P So really, my opinions on drugs have been formed by myself. And unsurprisingly if you've read my blog for any length of time, I do not believe that drugs should be illegal. I believe that every person has an absolute right to decide what they do or do not do to their bodies, as long as they don't infringe on another person's absolute right to do or not do whatever they want with their own bodies! It hasn't really been much of an issue so far, since neither my sister nor I have ever done drugs. However, I've made it clear to my mom at least (possibly both parents, but I'm not sure I've made it quite as clear to my dad, since he's more anti-drugs than my mother is) that I will try marijuana at some point. I don't feel it's something I need to keep absolutely secret. The reason I haven't yet, although I've certainly had the opportunity, is because there are several factors affecting my decision. I need to trust that what I'm taking into my body comes from a reliable source, and is not contaminated in any way, and I need to trust the people I'm with, because I want to be surrounded by people who will take care of me when my judgment is impaired. I'm not even that worried about what I'll do in terms of safety, because from what I've seen, marijuana doesn't really affect you to an extant that you're likely to do anything particularly dangerous, unless you're driving or similar. I just don't want to even do lesser things, embarrassing things, or anything I'll regret, really. The main thing is that before I'm willing to tamper with my state of consciousness, I want to feel that I'm in a comfortable and safe environment.
I think that's good for now. I may want to elaborate on some points in later posts, or talk about some points I've forgotten, but this will do for now. Also, I'd LOVE to hear from other unschoolers on how you handle the issues of sex and drugs. You can either leave your answer in the comments below, or write a whole post of your own on it! If you do decide to do a post, please leave the link in the comments, and I'll add them to a list at the bottom of this post. I actually decided to write this post after seeing a comment and her subsequent post on Michele's blog, so I'll start by adding that link!
Links to posts on sex and drugs on other unschooler's blogs:
Drugs...Sex...? by Michele of Natural Attachment
Sex, drugs, but no rock 'n roll....Sorry! by Stella of Not An Ordinary Teen
What's on a Teenager's Mind by Rochelle Blue of Penmanship of a Teenage Writer
The Talk and Other Things by Danya of Made of Carbon
Sex, Drugs & Rock 'n' Roll by Kaya of The Important Stuff (plus a few other things)
Peace,
Idzie
A while back on Facebook, I was tagged in a note from a mother asking for advice on how to have "The Talk" with her 11 year old daughter. I thought about that a lot, but never answered, because my family never did have that much-talked-about Talk. When I was under two my mother became pregnant with my little sister, so of course I wanted to know how! Her answer was that Papa puts the sperm in her then a baby starts growing. After mulling that over for a while, again, I'd ask "how?" and get a more in depth answer. My mom never glossed over things, but neither did she push unwanted information on me. When I asked a question, she'd simply answer honestly. And so I learned about the very basics of sex at a young age! It also helped that when I was young we had an, erm, very sexually explicit dog, so I got a bit more of an idea from that, as funny and slightly embarrassing as it is to say it! :-P
When I was older, in my preteen years, my mom simply took a huge stack of books on sex ed. out from the library, and I'd surreptitiously flip through them whenever I felt like it. I went through a stage where I found talking about such things incredibly embarrassing, and would have completely flipped out had my mom attempted to "teach" me sex ed. As it was I learned from books, peers (and since I was always smart, I double checked peer learned information with much more reliable sources :-P), the internet (as much as the net is filled with pornography and bad information about sex, there is some good info if you look for it), and my mom (as a last resort!). The only kind of information I remember her kind of trying to force on me was about birth control. At that point, I already knew about everything she was telling me, and was quite peeved at her for embarrassing me by bringing up the subject! Suffice it to say, I learned sex ed naturally, through books and conversations and LIFE, just like an unschooler learns everything else!
In terms of menstruation, that was just normal. We never had closed doors in our house when I was young, and I simply learned about that through living with a grown woman! Again, I was embarrassed about such things, but my mom made it clear I just had to ask for supplies if I needed them, and other the that, I didn't need to talk about it unless I wanted to. I really was a very embarrassed child in many ways, looking back on things!
Nowadays in my family, sex isn't nearly as taboo a subject because, well, neither my sister nor I are really embarrassed anymore! My mother, sister, and I have had multiple really good conversations about various aspects of sexuality, both physical and emotional, and I think that's wonderful! There's absolutely no feeling of my mom "teaching" or "instructing" or the conversation in any way not being equal between us, because, well, it is equal! We're all just discussing something that is relevant and interesting to us, and although the three of us have had vastly different experiences in the matter, that doesn't change how we discuss things. It's a free sharing of ideas, opinions, and experiences, like all of our good conversations, and that's a wonderful thing. Also, my parents have never been advocates of "abstinence". The only thing they've been forceful about is safety. BE SAFE! Is the most my mom has ever said to me in terms of whether or not I "should" have sex. My parents trust that both my sister and I own our own bodies, respect ourselves, and know what we do or do not want to do with our bodies. I won't necessarily be happy (and haven't necessarily been happy) with every decision I make, but it's always MY decision and no one elses.
I actually find it rather amusing, if exasperating, that some people seem to think that un/homeschoolers will have inferior sex ed. knowledge, because my sister and I have actually been in the position of giving accurate info to schooled friends, who have very limited knowledge and a shit load of bad information! Our local high school doesn't even teach anatomy properly, because I know several guys who go to that school and have absolutely no grasp of female anatomy!
Alcohol consumption was never made into a big issue in my household, either. From the time I was young, I was always offered alcohol when my parents would have a glass of wine or similar. Neither of my parents are big drinkers, and I've never seen either of them drunk. Drinking alcohol was, and is, something consumed for the enjoyment of the drink, not to get drunk, in my family. I tried multiple different types of alcohol as they became available at different family functions and similar, decided what I liked and didn't like. And to this date, I have never been drunk. I've been slightly tipsy (emphasis on 'slightly') twice in my entire life. And honestly, I never plan on getting drunk. The thought does not appeal to me in the slightest, probably in large part because I really don't like being around people who are drunk. I have a strong sense of personal space, and one of the first thing people seem to lose when drinking is a sense of personal boundaries and other people's space. That, and I just find it gross!
In terms of drugs, I don't remember any "don't do drugs" type talk. I have a cutesy sticker stuck on my bookshelf in my room that says "Say Neigh to Drugs" with a picture of a horse, but I'm not even sure I knew what they were referring to when I got the sticker, and the main motivation in sticking it to my bookshelf was that I liked horses! :-P So really, my opinions on drugs have been formed by myself. And unsurprisingly if you've read my blog for any length of time, I do not believe that drugs should be illegal. I believe that every person has an absolute right to decide what they do or do not do to their bodies, as long as they don't infringe on another person's absolute right to do or not do whatever they want with their own bodies! It hasn't really been much of an issue so far, since neither my sister nor I have ever done drugs. However, I've made it clear to my mom at least (possibly both parents, but I'm not sure I've made it quite as clear to my dad, since he's more anti-drugs than my mother is) that I will try marijuana at some point. I don't feel it's something I need to keep absolutely secret. The reason I haven't yet, although I've certainly had the opportunity, is because there are several factors affecting my decision. I need to trust that what I'm taking into my body comes from a reliable source, and is not contaminated in any way, and I need to trust the people I'm with, because I want to be surrounded by people who will take care of me when my judgment is impaired. I'm not even that worried about what I'll do in terms of safety, because from what I've seen, marijuana doesn't really affect you to an extant that you're likely to do anything particularly dangerous, unless you're driving or similar. I just don't want to even do lesser things, embarrassing things, or anything I'll regret, really. The main thing is that before I'm willing to tamper with my state of consciousness, I want to feel that I'm in a comfortable and safe environment.
I think that's good for now. I may want to elaborate on some points in later posts, or talk about some points I've forgotten, but this will do for now. Also, I'd LOVE to hear from other unschoolers on how you handle the issues of sex and drugs. You can either leave your answer in the comments below, or write a whole post of your own on it! If you do decide to do a post, please leave the link in the comments, and I'll add them to a list at the bottom of this post. I actually decided to write this post after seeing a comment and her subsequent post on Michele's blog, so I'll start by adding that link!
Links to posts on sex and drugs on other unschooler's blogs:
Drugs...Sex...? by Michele of Natural Attachment
Sex, drugs, but no rock 'n roll....Sorry! by Stella of Not An Ordinary Teen
What's on a Teenager's Mind by Rochelle Blue of Penmanship of a Teenage Writer
The Talk and Other Things by Danya of Made of Carbon
Sex, Drugs & Rock 'n' Roll by Kaya of The Important Stuff (plus a few other things)
Peace,
Idzie
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